1. Unicorn Burps (3-1) [1]
So if David manages to shed himself of the parasite named Tom Brady and gain a consistent, every-week starter in Peyton Manning (who no longer has a bye week this season), his team just got borderline unbeatable. Sure, he loses Jeremy Maclin, but that dude is bound to get hurt down the road this season. He still has Brandon Marshall, ArtichokeJalapeno Green, and an up-and-coming DeAndre Hopkins at WR, the most reliable RB thus far this season in Marshawn Lynch, and options between Ahmad Bradshaw and Rashad Jennings to tinker with. And sure, Larry Donnell won't score 3 TDs every week, but he looks a heckofalot better when Eli looks sharp. Still not sure how he talked Jeff into this trade. Oh wait, I remember now:
Never gets old. Jeff's not going to drop that pretty face.
2. Terrific Tortoises (2-2) [2]
Tough loss for David this week, but he was without Gio and Percy Harvin, so those Bye Week Blues hit hard for him. I'm not worried, though - I think at full strength, David easily has a top-2 team in our league. Gio has been playing out of his mind, and David's WRs are scary good. Nick Foles won't continue to play so terribly, and Cam won't be a bad option if David has to fall back on him. Hence, David retains his #2 spot.
3. Seenie J (2-2) [4]
Jeff's team pulls out a victory, much thanks to Andrew Luck and Matt Forte. He'll get an upgrade at WR for what he thinks is a minimal price, and it may very well pay off for him. I'm of the thought that Maclin will get hurt later this season, but at least Jeff will have some time to get a little mileage out of him, even if it is short-lived. With the addition of Maclin, Jeff will have a solid team moving forward, as long as Luck and Forte continue to do their parts. In my opinion, though, he could (and should) have gotten more for Peyton. Just sayin'.
4. Mo Murray No Probs (2-2) [5]
DeMarco Murray continues to impress. Ride him as long as you can, Justina! The pieces still don't add up in my mind when I'm trying to figure out the puzzle that is Justina's team, but she recovered pretty convincingly from a dismal showing last week. Consistency will be something to watch out for in the future, but Justina's team has potential to be deceptively good.
5. Odoyle rules! (3-1) [7]
With Shady on my team, I'm liking what I see in the future of my season. Sure, he's had two dud weeks, but I'm hopeful that things will look up from here. Shady, just please don't beat your wife or your girlfriend or your kids or smoke weed or call your commissioner a liar. Just please, don't. Le'Veon continues to give me solid production, and Steve Smith Sr. is looking like Steve Smith circa 2005 (with Ragin' Cajun Jake Delhomme - it's Bo Time!)! Throw Jay Cutler and Wes Welker in the mix (assuming he doesn't get hurt, which is highly possible), and hey hey, 3-1 record and beyond!
6. Charlotte Hornets (3-1) [8]
Wow what a brutal beating Abraham's team laid on Eric's team. Just brutal. I'm starting to think Abraham can rely on his QB and WRs (and even TE??) to get some quality wins without help from his RBs. I mean, his team has proven itself the past 3 weeks. Deservedly, his team gets a bump up in the rankings. Just put an asterisk next to them, though - we'll see if this is sustainable.
7. I'm Coming Home. (3-1) [6]
Duke squeaks out a win, but it was by no means impressive. His 3-1 record should really be a 1-3 record, but I know he's not complaining. The pieces are all there for a successful team, and they've clicked enough to get the wins, but they haven't reached their full potential. I'll keep him around the 6-7 spot, since I still don't know what to make of his team.
8. Spider Pig (2-2) [3]
As Luke lamented to me:
The curse was trying to help you, Luke, but unfortunately it was not strong enough. With his team scoring second-to-last in points for the second week in a row, I unfortunately have to give his team a significant bump down. His team has potential, he's just managed to start the wrong players the past two weeks, and it's cost him both games. The loss of AP has had its toll on Luke's team, but in my opinion, he's managed that crisis relatively nicely. I don't think it'll spend much time in this part of the rankings.
9. #SOverySHADY (1-3) [12]
Scoring the second-most points in the league this week still wasn't enough for Eric's team to pull off the victory. However, with the addition of Aaron Rodgers and Emmanuel Sanders, Eric's team holds a ton of promise. It appears that the smile in his picture just got a little bigger. He'll still be traveling upstream without a paddle with nothing at RB, but as Abraham's team has shown, not having good RBs isn't the end of the world. Eric will be able to recover from this week's loss in future weeks.
10. GHOTEM (1-3) [11]
HEY!! Looks like Jamaal Charles is back! While that is good news for Andrew's team, he unfortunately wasn't able to pull out a win this week. But hark! At least the future is looking brighter! Russell Wilson will be back, and... Jamaal!!
11. The Pain Train (1-3) [9]
What was once a team with such great promise continues to underperform and disappoint. To give it some due credit, Gabs's team did better this week than last week, but there's some leaks that will need to be patched up, especially at WR.
12. Chou Chainz (1-3) [10]
Yeah, that Week 2 blow-out victory was a fluke. Aaron's team is so piecemeal and inconsistent, I don't even understand. In my opinion, he doesn't have too much to reliably work with on a weekly basis.
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