Overall Predictions Record: (4-2)
I'll admit that there was some photo-overload going on last week, so I'll calm it down a little this week. Nonetheless, I'm happy to start the season off with a winning record in something!
Odoyle rules! v. Unicorn Burps
QB
Here's to hoping Rodgers turns it around this week.
Advantage: Odoyle rules!
WR
No matter who I put in, David's WRs will blow them out of the water. I mean, it's not even going to be close. It's not even going to be close to close.
Advantage: Unicorn Burps
RB
I'm liking my RBs after Week 1, but David has some nice matchups with his. Jennings vs. an Arizona D that let Ryan Mathews score on them and Beast Mode doing his thang look like favorites against an up-and-coming Le'Veon Bell and a Ryan Mathews against a tough Seattle D.
Advantage: Unicorn Burps
TE
I have more confidence in Andrew Luck's ability to find his TE than I do Tannehill's at this point in the season. So I'll take the advantage, even though it's not a significant one.
Advantage: Odoyle rules!
K/DEF
I'm not so sure David's got me beat in this one. I'd argue that St. Louis's offense is a worse than Cleveland's offense, so I feel like I've got an advantage at Defense. If New England continues to play like doodoo, then I may have a chance at winning this category too!
Advantage: Odoyle rules!
Winner: Unicorn Burps
Even though I get the advantage in 3 of the 5 categories, let's not kid ourselves here, David absolutely destroys me in the 2 categories he has an advantage in, and thus takes the game with ease. Doesn't even touch close.
Password is Taco v. Spider Pig
QB
Stafford v. Carolina against Ryan v. Cinci is an interesting matchup, but I have a feeling Atlanta v. Cinci will be more of a shoot-out than Detroit v. Carolina. Because the Panthers are going to CRUSH IT.
Advantage: Password is Taco
WR
Maybe Justina has begun kicking herself for trading away KB. Her WRs sure could use his help.
Advantage: Spider Pig
RB
Starting Chris Ivory is a bold move. Not like it would make a difference, though. But bold, bold move. I guess when you've got nothing to lose since you're up against AP and Arian Foster, you just have to be like whatevs, my naginta.
TE
Antonio Gates is up against a stiff Seattle defense while Greg Olsen will likely have Cam back against a much easier Detroit defense. Naginta, please.
Advantage: Password is Taco
K/DEF
I'm a little scared of what Miami is potentially capable of doing, so I'm hesitant to place any confidence in the Buffalo defense.
Advantage: Spider Pig
Winner: Spider Pig
On paper, Luke has a stronger team, but I saw how that meant pretty much nothing last week, so I guess anything could happen. But officially, I will have to go with my gut on this one. Sorry, Justina - enjoy your undefeatedness while it lasts.
GHOTEM v. Terrific Tortoises
QB
Russell is underrated both in real life and in fantasy. Foles will do fine, but Russell played freakishly well in Week 1.
Advantage: GHOTEM
WR
I still marvel at David Li's ability to keep KB on the bench. But I can't blame him, either - he's got 3 WRs that are more worthy starters. Which makes his WRs a scary bunch.
Advantage: Terrific Tortoises
RB
Jamaal Charles has to bounce back. He just has to... right? But watch out, I have a feeling Gio and Knowshon might pull a quick one on Andrew's team. Freaking Knowshon. But I believe, Jamaal. I believe.
Advantage: GHOTEM
TE
IMO, Cleveland receivers are over valued, including Jordan Cameron. Plus, David Li has Z-Z!
Advantage: Terrific Tortoises
K/DEF
Seahawks Defense is scary as crap. Plus, I am of the opinion that Dallas will be producing more offense than SF will, which will give their kicker a little more to do this week.
Advantage: GHOTEM
Winner: GHOTEM
It all hinges on Jamaal. Jamaal does well, and Andrew's team wins. Jamaal plummets again, and the Tortoises get some redemption from last week. I, for one, believe that Jamaal will do well. So says he:
The Pain Train v. #SOverySHADY
QB
Let's see, Drew Brees or Eli? Gabs is like... #SOveryOBVI. AGAIN 2.0. Except Brees better actually upgrade this week.
Advantage: The Pain Train
WR
Jordy will do better for Eric, but I'm not sure about DeSean or Reubs. On the other hand, Gabs only has Mike Wallace to really rely on. Starting Hurns is a stretch... I'm going to go with Eric on this one.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY
RB
Gabs's RBs are a mess. Reggie Bush probably won't be too threatening, but Shady will bring the big points for Eric.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY
TE
It's scary what Julius Thomas is capable of.
Advantage: The Pain Train
K/DEF
I'll take Denver Defense taking advantage of KC's struggling offense.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY
Winner: The Pain Train
Eric wins more categories, but the difference between Drew Brees and Eli plus the ridiculousness of Julius Thomas will allow Gabs to just barely get the win this week.
Seenie J v. Chou Chainz
QB
The only thing stopping Peyton from having a field day against KC is... well, nothing.
Advantage: Seenie J
WR
I'm liking the Markus Wheaton start for Aaron. Wheaton plus Dez will put up solid numbers. For Jeff, I have a feeling Crabtree is going to tank again, and I'm not a big fan of Cleveland receivers. So either Cordarelle will have to score more than all 3 of Aaron's WRs, or Jeff will need to find another way to gain the upper hand.
Advantage: Chou Chainz
RB
This is ugly. Matt Forte will anchor Jeff's RBs, but his RB2 spot will either be filled by Terrance West, Darren Sproles, or Justin Forsett - any of who could do really well or really poorly. But then Aaron has Zac Stacy and CJ Pooper, backed with some stretch RBs on the bench. The advantage will have to go Jeff, but it's a very slight advantage.
Advantage: Seenie J
TE
Jeff benefits from David Li's droppage of Dennis Pitta, but it won't be enough against Jimmy Graham this week, unfortunately.
Advantage: Chou Chainz
K/DEF
I don't know what to think about New England's defense, so I'll stick with.. Go Panthers!
Advantage: Seenie J
Winner: Seenie J
Chou Chainz may have to wait another week before it rises.
Charlotte Hornets v. I'm Coming Home.
QB
Abraham picks up Locker in a desperation move because Rivers is going to get shut down by Seattle, but I think regardless, the advantage still goes to Duke and Kaepernick.
Advantage: I'm Coming Home.
WR
That Megatron is a beast. I'm liking Brandin Cooks having another good week against a questionable Cleveland defense. Abraham has some really good WRs, but that Megatron is a beast. Even Lebron and KD say so, so it's gotta be true.
Advantage: I'm Coming Home
RB
Yet another ugly pair of RBs. Montee did well for Abraham in Week 1, but starting Carlos Hyde is a stretch. Granted, his other options... aren't great. For Duke, Ellington is a question mark, but at least he has some serviceable backups. With reluctance...
Advantage: I'm Coming Home
TE
My assistant calls the TE on her fantasy team "Gronowski," which is hard for me to hear sometimes, but she somehow managed to win her first game. And I didn't. So I'll shut up about that now.
Advantage: I'm Coming Home
K/DEF
Just to give Abraham an advantage in something...
Advantage: Charlotte Hornets
Winner: I'm Coming Home
My assistant also had Kaepernick on her team, and she has confidence that she'll win again this week, so we'll roll with that.
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