Power Rankings: Week 5

One more week in the books!  One blockbuster trade in the books, and another big trade in the works.  Things are looking more and more interesting...


1. Unicorn Burps (3-1) [1]

So if David manages to shed himself of the parasite named Tom Brady and gain a consistent, every-week starter in Peyton Manning (who no longer has a bye week this season), his team just got borderline unbeatable.  Sure, he loses Jeremy Maclin, but that dude is bound to get hurt down the road this season.  He still has Brandon Marshall, ArtichokeJalapeno Green, and an up-and-coming DeAndre Hopkins at WR, the most reliable RB thus far this season in Marshawn Lynch, and options between Ahmad Bradshaw and Rashad Jennings to tinker with.  And sure, Larry Donnell won't score 3 TDs every week, but he looks a heckofalot better when Eli looks sharp.  Still not sure how he talked Jeff into this trade.  Oh wait, I remember now:

Never gets old.  Jeff's not going to drop that pretty face.

2. Terrific Tortoises (2-2) [2]

Tough loss for David this week, but he was without Gio and Percy Harvin, so those Bye Week Blues hit hard for him.  I'm not worried, though - I think at full strength, David easily has a top-2 team in our league.  Gio has been playing out of his mind, and David's WRs are scary good.  Nick Foles won't continue to play so terribly, and Cam won't be a bad option if David has to fall back on him.  Hence, David retains his #2 spot.


3. Seenie J (2-2) [4]

Jeff's team pulls out a victory, much thanks to Andrew Luck and Matt Forte.  He'll get an upgrade at WR for what he thinks is a minimal price, and it may very well pay off for him.  I'm of the thought that Maclin will get hurt later this season, but at least Jeff will have some time to get a little mileage out of him, even if it is short-lived.  With the addition of Maclin, Jeff will have a solid team moving forward, as long as Luck and Forte continue to do their parts.  In my opinion, though, he could (and should) have gotten more for Peyton.  Just sayin'.


4. Mo Murray No Probs (2-2) [5]

DeMarco Murray continues to impress.  Ride him as long as you can, Justina!  The pieces still don't add up in my mind when I'm trying to figure out the puzzle that is Justina's team, but she recovered pretty convincingly from a dismal showing last week.  Consistency will be something to watch out for in the future, but Justina's team has potential to be deceptively good.


5. Odoyle rules! (3-1) [7]

With Shady on my team, I'm liking what I see in the future of my season.  Sure, he's had two dud weeks, but I'm hopeful that things will look up from here.  Shady, just please don't beat your wife or your girlfriend or your kids or smoke weed or call your commissioner a liar.  Just please, don't.  Le'Veon continues to give me solid production, and Steve Smith Sr. is looking like Steve Smith circa 2005 (with Ragin' Cajun Jake Delhomme - it's Bo Time!)!  Throw Jay Cutler and Wes Welker in the mix (assuming he doesn't get hurt, which is highly possible), and hey hey, 3-1 record and beyond!


6. Charlotte Hornets (3-1) [8]

Wow what a brutal beating Abraham's team laid on Eric's team.  Just brutal.  I'm starting to think Abraham can rely on his QB and WRs (and even TE??) to get some quality wins without help from his RBs.  I mean, his team has proven itself the past 3 weeks.  Deservedly, his team gets a bump up in the rankings.  Just put an asterisk next to them, though - we'll see if this is sustainable.


7. I'm Coming Home. (3-1) [6]

Duke squeaks out a win, but it was by no means impressive.  His 3-1 record should really be a 1-3 record, but I know he's not complaining.  The pieces are all there for a successful team, and they've clicked enough to get the wins, but they haven't reached their full potential.  I'll keep him around the 6-7 spot, since I still don't know what to make of his team.


8. Spider Pig (2-2) [3]

As Luke lamented to me:

The curse was trying to help you, Luke, but unfortunately it was not strong enough.  With his team scoring second-to-last in points for the second week in a row, I unfortunately have to give his team a significant bump down.  His team has potential, he's just managed to start the wrong players the past two weeks, and it's cost him both games.  The loss of AP has had its toll on Luke's team, but in my opinion, he's managed that crisis relatively nicely.  I don't think it'll spend much time in this part of the rankings.

9. #SOverySHADY (1-3) [12]

Scoring the second-most points in the league this week still wasn't enough for Eric's team to pull off the victory.  However, with the addition of Aaron Rodgers and Emmanuel Sanders, Eric's team holds a ton of promise.  It appears that the smile in his picture just got a little bigger.  He'll still be traveling upstream without a paddle with nothing at RB, but as Abraham's team has shown, not having good RBs isn't the end of the world.  Eric will be able to recover from this week's loss in future weeks.


10. GHOTEM (1-3) [11]

HEY!! Looks like Jamaal Charles is back!  While that is good news for Andrew's team, he unfortunately wasn't able to pull out a win this week.  But hark!  At least the future is looking brighter!  Russell Wilson will be back, and... Jamaal!!


11. The Pain Train (1-3) [9]

What was once a team with such great promise continues to underperform and disappoint.  To give it some due credit, Gabs's team did better this week than last week, but there's some leaks that will need to be patched up, especially at WR.


12. Chou Chainz (1-3) [10]

Yeah, that Week 2 blow-out victory was a fluke.  Aaron's team is so piecemeal and inconsistent, I don't even understand.  In my opinion, he doesn't have too much to reliably work with on a weekly basis.

Monday Lulz

Whoops, I kind of forgot, because my team already won.  Sorry, Gabs - Brees and Colston couldn't pull anything off last night.

But in other news.... high fives all around, Jeff gets reunited with Tom Brady!!!

Yeah!!!

#togetherforever #bfffffl

That is, pending any vetoes, of course.  Jeff - in theory, shouldn't you be vetoing your own trade?  Because it's technically making David Lin's team better.  Or does your logic of "why should I want teams below me to get better?" not apply to teams that are already better than yours?  Or does the lure of finally having Tom Brady on your team trump all things logical?  Mysteries...

The rest of Monday Lulz:

• That Shady up to no good.  What the crap, Chip Kelly?  What the crap, Shady?  Don't let me down now.


• Jamaal Charles 60 points FTW for Andrew!  I believe!!


• I had a dream last night that DeMarco Murray scored 99 points for Justina, but she left him on the bench.  99 points!  Weird, huh?


• Unless Stephen Gostkowski manages to get -7 points tonight, THE TIMMY CURSE HAS BEEN DEBUNKED.  David, you also realize the better you make your team, the more I'm going to predict them to win, and the scardier you're going to be about that curse, right?  Conclusion - make your team suck so I don't predict you to win!  Just try it!  :D


• Abraham with the killer game, absolutely ruining Eric's chance of a win, unless Knile manages to get 17 points tonight, which is possible, but not likely.  Ouch ouch ouch.  Those WRs on Abraham's team - good for something!


• Really, the only game that will be decided by tonight is Duke v. Aaron.  I'm going with Duke pulling out the W because I need Ridley to do well for my other league.

Predictions: Week 4

Week 3 Predictions Record: (2-4)
Overall Predictions Record: (7-11)

I'm really tanking at this predictions thing, aren't I?  Week 4 is the start of Bye Week Woes, and it seems like a few teams will be digging a bit deeper to get through a week with some important teams on bye (Denver, Seattle, Cinci).  Should make things a little more interesting!

Regarding this pending blockbuster trade between me and Eric, I'm going to assume for the sake of this week's predictions that the trade won't be happening.  But to be honest, I don't think it'll make that big of a difference in determining the results of the games this week.  At least not mine.  It could be more crucial for Eric v. Abraham.  But my with my predicting record, who knows what's in store.


Odoyle rules! v. The Pain Train
QB
I like how Cutler has been performing the first three weeks, but I think Brees will do better against Dallas on Sunday Night.  Even if I start Rodgers, Brees will outperform him.
Advantage: The Pain Train

WR
Wallace and Colston should be enough to tip the scales in Gabs's favor this week as my Denver WRs are on bye.  I think there's a very good chance Steve Smith Sr. will break out for close to 120937987436 points against the Panthers, though.  Something tells me he's got a statement to make this game.  I actually drafted him JUST for this week, believe it or not.  It shall be dubbed: SmithSrMageddon.  So, watch out, Gabs!
Advantage: The Pain Train

RB
Even without McCoy, I like my RBs a tad more than Gabs's.  Eddie Lacy has been a disappointment, and who knows what we'll get out of TB's RBs.
Advantage: Odoyle rules! 

TE
Not sure who Gabs is going to insert in place of Orange Julius, but I'm liking Niles over anyone else on the waivers.
Advantage: Odoyle rules!

K/DEF
Philadelphia has been a tough offense to defend, so SF Defense is likely going to struggle against them as well.  Jacksonville offense, on the other hand, doesn't seem to know what's going on.  As for kickers, Atlanta is too good at scoring touchdowns, so all Gabs gets out of Matt Bryant are PATs!
Advantage: Odoyle rules!

Winner: Odoyle rules!
I might be pushing my luck here, but I like my chances with or without Shady.



Mo Murray Less Probs v. GHOTEM
QB
Not even sure what Andrew is going to do here.  Ryan Fitzpatrick?  EJ Manuel?  Ryan Tannehill?  Geno Smith??  Alex Smith??  Oh, I know - Josh McCown!!  Sleeper pick of the week, FTL.
Advantage: Mo Murray Less Probs

WR
I'm liking Pierre Garcon having another good week.  Justina's WRs are struggling anyway.
Advantage: GHOTEM

RB
Okokokok even if Jamaal Charles starts, I can't foresee him getting a bajillion points out the gate.  Plus, DeMarco has been doing well for Justina, and I think Lamar Miller will do better than Gore.
Advantage: Mo Murray Less Probs

TE
Greg Olsen all the way.
Advantage: Mo Murray Less Probs

K/DEF
Chicago Defense against a Green Bay team that has struggled to start the season heavily favors Justina.
Advantage: Mo Murray Less Probs

Winner: Mo Murray Less Probs
I know she didn't want me to, but I'm calling it as I see it.  The Timmy Curse doesn't exist!



Unicorn Burps v. Spider Pig
QB
David is being smart by playing Cousins over Brady and Romo, but Matt Ryan has been playing really well.  So in spite of my favor towards Cousins as a sleeper pick, I'll have to stick with the safer route...
Advantage: Spider Pig

WR
No question here, David has far superior WRs
Advantage: Unicorn Burps

RB
This is a close call, but Jennings and Bradshaw have been surprisingly impressive.  Donald Brown and Matt Asiata are facing relatively easy defenses, though.  Small advantage, but I'll go with...
Advantage: Unicorn Burps

TE
Antonio Gates will bounce back, I am 57% confident.
Advantage: Spider Pig

K/DEF
Detroit Defense is up against an easy Jets Offense.  That sounds good enough for me.
Advantage: Unicorn Burps

Winner: Unicorn Burps
David has to defend his #1 spot in the league and in the power rankings.  This will be a statement win for his team.  And a statement game for my predictions that will state, "The Timmy Curse doesn't exist!"



Seenie J v. Terrific Tortoises
QB
Andrew Luck has been pretty ridiculous so far this season.  Nick Foles hasn't been too shabby, either.  But I can't foresee Luck slowing down anytime soon.
Advantage: Seenie J

WR
David Li finally gets to use KB!  And he still has a sick WR lineup!
Advantage: Terrific Tortoises

RB
With Gio on the bench on bye, David turns to Fred Jackson.  Good luck with that.  I'm going to say Matt Forte bounces back for Jeff against Green Bay.
Advantage: Seenie J

TE
Dwayne Allen has been up and down, and I like Zach Ertz in spite of his down week last week.
Advantage: Terrific Tortoises

K/DEF
Carolina's defense is hurting and has some holes in it.  Miami's defense isn't all that better, but they're playing Oakland.
Advantage: Terrific Tortoises

Winner: Terrific Tortoises
David looks to just keep rollin'.



Charlotte Hornets v. #SOverySHADY
QB
Assuming Eric starts Flacco, this one goes to Abraham.  Although I'm of the opinion SD might get ahead early against Jacksonville and start just running the ball all day.  AND don't forget about the Flacco-SmithSr. connection.  I seriously think SmithSrMageddon will be happening this Sunday, and I'm happy and scared all at the same time.
Advantage: Charlotte Hornets

WR
Abraham's WRs continue to look impressive, and Eric will have some help responding with Jordy and a healthier DeSean, but Abraham has the upper hand here.
Advantage: Charlotte Hornets

RB
All Abraham has to play with is Toby Gerhart and Carlos Hyde.  Yeah, it's that bad.  With Shady on Eric's team, that's bad.  Even without Shady on Eric's team, it's still bad.  Srsly.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY

TE
Bennett has been super impressive.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY

K/DEF
I hate to say it, but with the Panthers hurting pretty badly, Baltimore Defense might actually play well this week.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY

Winner: #SOverySHADY
Abraham's RBs are just so sad.  His advantages at WR and QB are dwarfed by Eric's advantage at TE, plus Shady's dominance over Gerhart and Hyde.  I mean, seriously?



I'm Coming Home. v. Chou Chainz
QB
Wow Aaron is starting Blake Bortles.
Advantage: I'm Coming Home.

WR
Wow Aaron is starting Jordan Matthews.
Advantage: I'm Coming Home.

RB
Wow Aaron is starting Lorenzo Taliafsomethingorother.
Advantage: I'm Coming Home.

TE
Ok, starting Jimmy Graham I can live with.
Advantage: Chou Chainz

K/DEF
It's really a draw in my opinion, but since I've been giving Aaron's team a hard time, what the hey.
Advantage: Chou Chainz

Winner: I'm Coming Home.
Aaron is reaching hard this week, and it'll show.  Duke continues to ride the easy-matchups train to a 3-1 record.

Power Rankings: Week 4

Week 3 was just ugly.  I didn't think it would get much uglier after Week 2, but it did.  Injuries abounded, the underpeformance bug bit hard, and frustration for this game of Fantasy Football exploded for many managers - I could just feel it in the Fantasy Football air.  Already, by Week 3, we have no undefeated teams and no unundefeated teams.  We are all stuck in mediocrity and have become subject to its oppressive so-so-ness, tainted with at least one unfortunate loss.  *Sigh*

This week's Power Rankings are brought to you in part by the album "Black On Both Sides" by Mos Def - Andrew introduced me to them - they're pretty good, check them out if you haven't heard of them.  ##thuglife##


1. Unicorn Burps (2-1) [2]

David's team deserves the top spot again.  With Cousins in his pocket, he doesn't have to settle with Brady's crapiness, which will give his team at least a short-term boost.  If he can maintain a healthy WR corps, and if Marshawn continues to dominate all RBs in the league, I can't really see much wrong with David's team except maybe TE, but that can easily be overlooked.  There are teams that are far worse off (see examples below).


2. Terrific Tortoises (2-1) [3]

For the second week in a row, David Li's team scores the second most points in the league.  It only took, what, 4 years?  I don't want to speak too prematurely, but I'm happy for him.  Sincerely.  With good QB options, the best starting WRs (and best bench WRs), and Gio still killing it, David Li's got a good thing going for him.


3. Spider Pig (2-1) [1]

There are a few things that should concern Luke.  Obviously, AP and Arian Foster are out for the foreseeable future, and Antonio Gates may have peaked this season already.  However, Luke has at least been active with replacing the areas his team is lacking in - Donald Brown, Matt Asiata - and he still has Matt Ryan and Demaryius, and Cecil Shorts III is returning, which should keep his team competitive.  Maybe not as competitive as they would have been with a healthy, not-in-trouble-with-the-law-NFL-and-public lineup, but still competitive.  I think Luke knows what he's doing in the midst of all these troubles.


4. Seenie J (1-2) [5]

Jeff's got the best QB in the league and the best QB in Fantasy right now.  *Sigh*  Such a waste of pointage.  But at least he finally got a win, albeit a close one.  His team has been scoring pretty consistently in the top half of the league each week, but only has one win to show for it.  It doesn't seem to add up when I look at his roster, but maybe that just means that Jeff's team is scarier than it appears.  And it could be even scarier if he finds a more consistent RB2.


5. Mo Murray No Probs (1-2) [4]

Wow what even happened?  No way that could be my doing.  Sure, Justina's team scores the fewest points this week, but her team still looks it can do some damage.  There are definitely weak spots, and this probably won't be the only week where she feels the frustration of starting the wrong player(s), but don't lose hope, Justina - just chalk this one up as a bad week and keep moving on.  I have confidence in your team... although I'm not sure you want me to anymore.


6. I'm Coming Home. (2-1) [6]

Duke doesn't win pretty, but he wins this week.  I think this is still a good place for his team for now, simply because I don't know what to make of it.  There's potential there (Calvin Johnson, Roddy White, Gronk), but his team hasn't been performing to it's full potential after Week 1.  He's got 2 wins, though, which should count for something.


7. Odoyle rules! (2-1) [9]

My team managed to:
1. Pull out the win, much thanks to Tampa Bay Buccaneers Defense,
2. Score - get this - the 4th most points in the league for the week (it's the small victories), and
3. Be one of two teams (shoutout Unicorns) to surpass Yahoo!'s ridiculous prediction algorithm - take that, Yahoo!'s ridiculous prediction algorithm!
Sure, my team still sucks, but I'm 2-and-1 babyyy!  WINNING RECORD WHAT IT DO.  ##thuglife##  And what do I think about my trade with Eric?  I don't want to say too much, because it hasn't gone through yet, but let's just say I think it benefits the both of our teams, so it's a win-win.  That's what we look for in a trade, right?


8. Charlotte Hornets (2-1) [9]

That Alshon Jeffery coming in to save Abraham during MNF, much thanks to Brandon Marshall having to sit for some of the game.  In spite of the win, Abraham still has some RB woes, but his QB and WRs may be strong enough to get him some more wins down the road.  If I were him, I'd be vulturing that waiver wire or wheeling and dealing for some upgrades at RB.  But he'll have to make some sacrifices to pull that off.


9. The Pain Train (1-2) [7]

With Eddie Lacy and the TB RBs continuing to disappoint (besides Week 2 Rainey), it's hard to find the silver lining in Gabs's RBs.  He did a waiver overhaul with Khiry Robinson and Alfred Blue, but they aren't solid weekly starters.  Gabs needs to somehow put together a better supporting cast around Brees, Mike Wallace, and Julius Thomas in order to be more threatening.  Especially now that he's sitting at the bottom of the league's rankings.


10. Chou Chainz (1-2) [10]

I'm going to attribute Aaron's huge Week 2 to just luck.  I'm not seeing how his team is going to be a threat in the long term.  He hasn't had any real team-changing pickups off the waiver wire, which is surprising, since it's Aaron we're talking about.  But I guess vacationing in the Bahamas will do that to you.


11. GHOTEM (1-2) [11]

Big time sadface for Andrew's team.  With big question marks around Jamaal and DeAngelo, and Woodhead being pretty much gone for the season, Andrew is hurting bad at RB.  I honestly don't know what he's going to do at this point.  He's got to rely on his QB and WRs to help him win games, but I don't think he's got what it takes at those positions to carry him far.


12. #SOverySHADY (1-2) [11]

At the publishing of these rankings, the trade between Eric and I hasn't gone through, so I'm going to keep Eric at the bottom below Andrew.  However, if the trade goes through, his team will look much better with the addition of Aaron Rodgers and Emmanuel Sanders, and will likely receive a boost in the rankings.  Granted, he'll be losing the player his team is named after, but it'll be an overall improvement in his team.  If Jamaal Charles stays hurt, Eric's team could be looking even better.  Otherwise, Eric is going to be hurting bad at RB, and may remain stuck at the bottom.  But at least things are looking up, potentially.  He would have won this week had he not started Josh McCown - I still can't figure that out.

Monday Lulz

• It looks like that garbage-time TB Defense pick-six DID win me this week's game!  I'll take it.  And how about that Le'Veon Bell?  Even though his success came at the price of my Panthers.  Ugh.  Bittersweet.  Andrew says he is just bitter bitter.




• At least Andrew can be optimistic about Pierre Garcon's chemistry with Cousins.  Too bad his RBs only scored... 1.10 points (Frank Gore and Danny Woodhead).  And sadly enough, that's more than all his other RBs on the bench this week (0 points, thanks to Jamaal Charles and DeAngelo Williams).


• David Lin is convinced that there's this thing called the "Timmy Curse."
  He says every time I predict him to win or lose, he does the opposite.  He wants Luke to run some sort of analysis thing on it.  I can just tell you what I think - It didn't happen in Week 1, so I conclude that his hypothesis is flawed.  Not sure what went down these past two weeks, though - Sorry, Justina.


• David Li, want to give me Kelvin Benjamin, since you're just letting him waste away on the bench????????  That boy is a beast.  I definitely should have kept out-bidding Justina for him.


• I still can't get over the fact that Josh McCown got 0.32 points for Eric.  Not that starting Flacco would have guaranteed the win for him, but it would have at least given Eric a little more hope going into MNF.  Eric was pretty close to not even getting to play Knile Davis, but much to his relief, Knile played and got him a good number of points.  Eric's hoping it's not just for one week, though.  Jamaal may be back next week?


• Can Alshon Jeffery score 5 points for Abraham?  Can Eric Decker score 5 points for Luke?  Game-changers happening tonight!  I guess we'll find out.

Predictions: Week 3

Week 2 Predictions Record: (1-5)
Overall Predictions Record: (5-7)

I was a little off with my predictions from last week, but I'm still just happy the Odoyles beat the Unicorns, so #YOLO.

Odoyle rules! v. GHOTEM
QB
I think Russell will have an added pep in his step in the Super Bowl rematch after a tough loss from Week 2, especially playing at home.  But I'm liking the prospect of a pass-fest between Rodgers and the Lions a little better.
Advantage: Odoyle rules!

WR
I haven't even decided for sure who I'm going to start - Welker and / or Sanders are going to be last-minute decisions.  But regardless, my WRs have too many question marks to solidly put them ahead of Andrew's.  I'm half-expecting Pierre-Jean to blow up with Cousins at QB.
Advantage: GHOTEM

RB
It looks like Andrew didn't get what he wanted off of waivers, which was really his only hope to have a semi-respectable RB lineup this week.  Now, my less-than-respectable RB lineup will look like superstars against his.
Advantage: Odoyle rules!

TE
I like Cousins-to-Niles over Romo-to-Witten.
Advantage: Odoyle rules!

K/DEF
Seattle Defense against Denver offense is going to be a tough one, but it'll be in Seattle, so I'm ok conceding the advantage here.
Advantage: GHOTEM

Winner: Odoyle rules!
Let's hope I don't jinx myself this time, because a loss is just as likely.



Mo Murray Less Probs v. Unicorn Burps
QB
David has QB woes, so this one should be a shoo-in.  Even if he starts Cousins, I'm liking Stafford passing a buttload to keep up with the Packers.
Advantage: Mo Murray Less Probs

WR
Even with the possible loss of AdrienJacquecousteau Green (he's supposed to suit up!), David's WRs are superior to Justina's.  I think he might outscore her if he only started 2 WRs, honestly.
Advantage: Unicorn Burps

RB
Clearly, DeMarco Murray has been treating Justina well, so she aptly names her team after him, as has been her tradition in the past.  For David and Marshawn, the Seahawks might abandon their run game early if Denver goes up quickly, but Rashad Jennings seems to be doing alright.  It's a close call, but I'll go with a tiny advantage, just because of the name change, to...
Advantage: Mo Murray Less Probs

TE
I love me some Greg Olsen on Sunday Night!
Advantage: Mo Murray Less Probs

K/DEF
Justina has been killing it with picking the right Defenses the first two weeks, so I'll give this one to her too.
Advantage: Mo Murray Less Probs

Winner: Mo Murray Less Probs
David was blaming me for making him lose last week, so I won't pick his team to win, even though he will soon find out that I do not determine the fate of people's fantasy football teams, as much as people may believe.  If I did, my team would be bomb.  And it's not.



The Pain Train v. Terrific Tortoises
QB
It's a wash, but Brees has got to do better, right?
Advantage: The Pain Train

WR
Another week of solid WRs lined up for David.
Advantage: Terrific Tortoises

RB
Gio is playing like a rock star, and even though Vereen might get some valuable touches stolen away from him by Ridley, Gabs's RBs have just fallen flat on their faces, so I can't help but stick with what's been working the first two weeks.
Advantage: Terrific Tortoises

TE
Julius Thomas is a formidable force, and he has the ability to find vulnerable spots in Seattle's D like Antonio Gates was able to do last week.
Advantage: The Pain Train

K/DEF
Arizona has a weaker offense than SF, and Seattle-Denver will probably be a higher scoring game than SF-Arizona, so...
Advantage: The Pain Train

Winner: Terrific Tortoises
David just has a solid team right now based on performance.  It's hard to see that slowing down this week.



Seenie J v. #SOverySHADY
QB
Even against a tough Seattle Defense, Peyton will still be a beast.  Especially since it's during the regular season, and not the post-season.
Advantage: Seenie J

WR
I think Jordy is the difference maker in these matchups.  The rest of Eric's WRs are unreliable, but Jeff's WRs are unproven as well.  Hence, Jordy is the difference maker.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY

RB
I have a good feeling Eric will be happy about his $51 spent this week.  Instant gratification at work.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY

TE
Martellus seems to be garnering great favor from the eye of Jay Cutler, which should give Eric an upper hand over Jeff and Pitta.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY

K/DEF
I'll take Panthers D over Denver D.  Gould might kick more than Nugent, so it may be a wash, but I'll give Jeff a slight advantage in this one
Advantage: Seenie J

Winner: #SOverySHADY
I think there might be an upset brewing in this one.  Ok, so maybe not an upset in the traditional sense because Jeff is 0-2 and Eric is 1-1, but upset with regards to my power rankings.  That Knile Davis pickup is paying off already.



Charlotte Hornets v. Chou Chainz
QB
I'm starting to have a little more faith in Philip Rivers.
Advantage: Charlotte Hornets

WR
Abraham is still strong in the WR department.  Aaron has potential, but I'm going to stick with Abraham's proven squad.
Advantage: Charlotte Hornets

RB
Aaron's RBs are demanding more respect after their Week 2 performances, so I'll give it to them for now.  It's not a hard choice to make anyways, since Abraham's RBs haven't been all too impressive outside of Ball's Week 1 performance.
Advantage: Chou Chainz

TE
I'm not sure when Aaron will ever lose this matchup.  At least not while Jimmy Graham stays healthy.
Advantage: Chou Chainz

K/DEF
I'm liking New England's Defense against Oakland.
Advantage: Chou Chainz

Winner: Chou Chainz
I don't think Abraham's going to go down without a stiff fight, but I think Aaron has an ever-so-slight advantage over Abraham in this game.  Aaron's RBs and TE will end up winning it for him, and the Chainz will continue to rise.  Plus, I just love his picture.



I'm Coming Home. v. Spider Pig
QB
Look at what Derek Anderson did to Tampa Bay in Week 1.  Now they're up against Matt Ryan.
Advantage: Spider Pig

WR
This will be an interesting matchup, but Megatron is too great a force to ignore.  Both Roddy and Decker are questionable, but it looks like both will be playing (??).  It could go either way, but I'm favoring the matchups that Duke's WRs have this week.
Advantage: I'm Coming Home.

RB
Arian Foster has been stepping up big time, and with the addition of Donald Brown, I think Luke might have a good chance at beating out Duke's RBs.  Alfred Morris could very well blow up, though, so I wouldn't be entirely surprised if that happened.  But I'll go with the safer pick...
Advantage: Spider Pig

TE
I can't ignore Antonio Gates anymore.  Brady seems to be off doing other things anyway, sorry Gronk.
Advantage: Spider Pig

K/DEF
I think Houston's defense against the Giants will put up more points than Pittsburgh's D against the Panthers.  Let's go with that.
Advantage: Spider Pig

Winner: Spider Pig
He is undefeated, after all.  So if I do in fact have any influence over the actual results of Fantasy Football, I might as well try using it on Luke, right?

Wednesday Waiver Frenzy

Ok, I definitely didn't see half of that coming.  But I'm still learning about this FAAB waiver system, so what do I know?  These are my thoughts, for those that care to read:

• $51 for Knile Davis was steep.  I knew Eric needed an RB, but of all the teams that I thought would put a bid on Davis because of need for an RB (me, Andrew, Abraham, Luke, Gabs, Eric, Jeff), I thought for sure either Andrew or Luke would splurge for him.  Nothing over $50, though, especially since Jamaal could be back in the lineup as early as a few weeks if the Chiefs are actually being truthful about his injury.  Eric made a bold move, and it'll pay off in the short-term, but we'll find out if it was worth the cashmoniez in the long-term.


• David Lin went to town this week as well, but instead of putting all his eggs in one basket, he put three big eggs in three different baskets, going $30 for Kirk Cousins, $25 for Brian Quick, and $20 for Larry Donnell.  And so now he has a measly $25 left to buy another Brian Quick.  He was clearly desperate for some additions to his team, but IMO might have gone a little overboard with the bidding.  I can understand his Cousins bid, especially since David has desperately been looking for a QB upgrade.  For the price and potential, it was a solid pickup.  The other bids had me scratching my head a little.  Brian Quick is looking like the Rams's top receiving option, but that's not saying much - not $25 much.  And $20 for a seemingly-up-and-coming TE in Larry Donnell is surprising.  But I'm going to assume David knows what he's doing, and even if he doesn't, he'll at least have a better week of scoring this week because of these pickups.  Just keep an eye out, ladies and gents - if that $25 remaining waiver money for David goes mysteriously up between now and the end of the season, there's gon' be hallerin' up in hur.


• I had my eye on Donald Brown, but Luke outbid me for him.  $28 would have been too high in my book anyways, but I think it'll be a nice addition to Pig's unstable RB situation.  At least for a few weeks.  Solid pickup for a decent price.


• Khiry Robinson was a good pickup for Gabs, but $13 might be hoping for too much.  He'll be a good player to stash on the bench and see how things go this week before bringing him out to play for the next month that Ingram is out.


• In hindsight, I think I could have gotten Niles Paul and Jonathan Stewart for less than the $11 I bid between the two, but honestly, I wanted Paul, and Stewart was my backup in case I didn't get Donald Brown, and at the end of the day, I'm just glad I didn't have to break bank for them.  I'll live with it.

Power Rankings: Week 3

Week 2 brings devasting injuries and a muddle of confusion about whose team really is legit and whose team is just trying to pull a quick one.  I mean, everyone except Luke and Jeff have 1-1 records.  But I guess that's what Weeks 3-16 will hopefully clear up.  All I have to say is: VICTORY IS SWEET.

This week's Power Rankings are brought to you in part by the album "Declaration of Dependence" by Kings of Convenience.


1. Spider Pig (2-0) [3]

Luke was quick with the Asiata pickup, and it definitely helped his team this week.  With Eric Decker seeming to connect well with Geno Smith, with a solid RB lineup, and with a blast-from-the-past Antonio Gates, Luke's team seems to be in pretty decent shape, at least relative to the rest of us 1-1-ers.


2. Unicorn Burps (1-1) [1]

It was just bad luck for David's team to suffer an injury from AntawnJulius Green.  That'll set David back for the next few weeks, but Hopkins isn't a terrible replacement.  However, A deeper issue, as David realized, is the play of his QB.  Being that I'm in the I-hate-Tom-Brady-4-life club, I'm happy to see Brady underperform.  My hypothesis is that he's been doing too much in the extra-curricular department, which is preventing him from performing at a high level on the field.  Case in point:

What even is that??  Seriously, what even is that???  Classic Tom-Brady-baggery, that's what that is.  No words.  Anyways, I have doubts as to whether Romo can satisfy David any more than Brady has been trying to.  But given that David had to give up a player he was probably going to drop anyways (Hakeem's best days are behind him), I guess it's a win-win situation for David's team.  Just not a big win.  I have confidence in David's ability to hawk the waivers to fill in the gaps in his roster, so I won't make him tumble too far in the rankings.  Even if he somehow doesn't pick up anyone this week, Hopkins is already a decent plug-and-play for the next few weeks while AroniusJuansolo Green recovers.


3. Terrific Tortoises (1-1) [6]

A very impressive showing for David Li's team gives him a generous bump up.  He's got solid players at all positions except RB2.  And now he's got TWO rookie WRs to toy with on his bench while he fatefully awaits injuries from his starting WRs.  Trade bait, anyone?


4. Password is Taco (1-1) [7]

While her team didn't get the W this week, it had a pretty solid showing.  Her RBs continue to surprise, her Defense played pretty ridiculously well again, and Stafford and Olsen will be solid plays moving forward.  Her WRs, though... when Hakeem Nicks is an upgrade at WR, that should raise some red flags.  I'll give her the bump up, though, because no other team really deserves it.  Her team still doesn't look scary on paper, but it's actually getting work done - second-highest in the points-for category should count for something, right?


5. Seenie J (0-2) [8]

Jeff gets screwed over again, facing another high-scoring opponent in Week 2, but this one a lot more unexpected than Week 1.  His team has proven its ability to put up points in the last two weeks, so it'll only be a matter of time before Jeff gets some W's under his belt.  I am a little confused as to why he would spend $21 on Justin Forsett only to leave him on the bench.  But I won't criticize, because his team is in better shape than mine.  His biggest weaknesses are probably at WR3 and TE, with a tricky situation at RB2 as to who to start on a weekly basis.  He's just hoping he doesn't become Unicorns 2.0 from 2013.

I still don't understand.

6. I'm Coming Home. (1-1) [2]

So I guess we have now established that Duke's team might just live and die based on Megatron's performance for the week.  At least he might get a little more help from Alfred Morris now that RGIII is hurt and the Washington Native-American-epidermises will have to rely a little more on their run game with Cousins under center.  It'll be interesting to see where Duke's team goes from here.  Let the see-saw rankings begin.


7. The Pain Train (1-1) [5]

Ouch, ouch, ouch.  No production from Colston (shut down by the Browns??) or Martin (injured) meant Gabs's team took a huge beating this week.  Allen Hurns turned out to be the Kevin Ogletree of last season, Eddie Lacy still hasn't put up numbers worthy of the auction money Gabs put down for him, and Brees has been a bit of a disappointment (as have the Saints, which is ok by my Panther-fan self).  Gabs has next week to look forward to, in which I think his team will do better - it still looks good on paper.  But I can't just ignore Week 2's performance entirely, and if something catastrophic (especially long-term) happens again, he doesn't have much help from his bench to give him security, so I'll have to give his team a bump down for now.


8. Odoyle rules! (1-1) [9]

I'll take it.  I can't begin to describe to you how relieved I was that Maclin scored less than 15 points on MNF.  Sure, it wasn't a quality win by any objective means, but all wins are quality wins in my book.  I'll have a bit of reconstructing to do with more players getting hurt, but I'm going to ride this win for as long as I can.  Partly because of this, which was posted during the Sunday Night game:

(I didn't speak too soon!  Whew.  But that Marshall... up to no good, giving me stomach ulcers and heart palpitations.)  I'm also going to ride this win as long as I can because it might be my last one for a while, now that David probably hates my guts and will somehow manage to stealthily sabotage my team.  I know he's already scheming as I'm typing.  Hey, but I changed his photo upon his request, so now he won't feel as disgusted when he reads my posts!  :)


9. Charlotte Hornets (1-1) [10]

While Abraham's win wasn't a convincing one, a win is a win.  His WRs continue to look good, but he's going to need some major help at RB if he hopes to do any long-term damage.  At least Rivers might be a more reliable weekly play at QB now.  He seems to have hot-tub-transported back in time with Antonio Gates to 2009 or something.  And again, nice Delanie Walker pickup.  He may end up being a solid weekly starter at TE for Abraham's team.


10. Chou Chainz (1-1) [12]

Surprise of the week!  I'm not convinced his dominant showing in Week 2 can be sustained over the season, but it at least earned his team some time out of the very bottom of the power rankings.  If his RBs can continue to put up those kind of numbers, Aaron's team could continue to be a big surprise.  I'm not betting on it, though.  So until they further prove themselves, his team will stay in the bottom half.


11. GHOTEM (1-1) [4]

What is even going on here?  Behind Gabs's team, Andrew's team has scored the fewest points in the past two weeks and Jamaal Charles has combined for 4.60 points.

Andrew's going to need to do some major fantasy soul-searching asap to revamp his team and redeem it from the pits of fantasy purgatory.  Or maybe he's just cursed by being a first-year-manager, as everyone else before him has had to experience.  Well, except Jen, who probably used voodoo magic anyways, so that doesn't count (no, I'm still not over it).  But with Jamaal out, Andrew's team no longer looks very scary... unless he can do some waiver wire magic come Wednesday.

12. MUSCLEhamster! (1-1) [11]

That Jordy Nelson, giving Eric something to cheer for!  Same goes for Shady and Martellus, but to a lesser extent.  The rest of his team, though?  In case you missed it in the Monday Lulz: He had to start Shonn Greene at RB2!  And it wasn't even a bad decision!  That still amazes me.