Monday #Lulz

Guess what, everyone?  If Jeremy Maclin gets NEGATIVE 14 points tonight - aka if he fumbles the ball 7 times and never gets a single catch for positive yardage... I'll still have more points than David Lin.  #LULZZZZZZ

What's more (objectively) impressive, but something I personally care less about, is how Abraham's team is absolutely demolishing Duke's.  What a waste of 158+ points, since Duke will likely to be the lowest scorer this week.  If you thought my lead over David Lin's was bad, here's a better stat: If Jamaal Charles scores NEGATIVE 96 points tonight - aka if he runs the ball for negative 500 yards, fumbles (and loses) the ball 20 times, and throws 3 interceptions - Abraham will still beat Duke.  That's almost too sad to #Lulz over.  At the same time, it's so ridiculous that I find myself #Lulz-ing anyways.

How did the annual-and-sometimes-bi-annual matchup between the lovebirds fly so under the radar this week?  Even with Big Ben hurt and starting a now-backup DeAngelo, Justina's team still stomped David's.  That is, unless Mason Crosby gets 37 (positive) points tonight.  That's only, what?  4 50+ yard field goals and 17 extra points, right?  You might #Lulz, but Jeff's hoping it will be more like 37 extra points.

Jeff's all about that Aaron Rodgers-to-James Jones connection tonight, amirite?  Maybe Randall Cobb either gets hurt or is somehow forgotten (since we all know Davante Adams has been garbage so far) and Eddie Lacy never even touches the ball.  Rodgers-to-Jones all night.  Then Jeff might win.  But really, it looks like third time won't be a charm for Jeff this season.  Is Jeff's team really that bad?  Yes.  #Lulz-fully so.  I was actually feeling bad for Gabs earlier this week for having such a sad team, but it surprises me to see that Jeff's seems to be doing worse.  Granted, when Antoniold Gates gets back in action, things will get better, but enough to make his team contenders?  0-3 is a tough hole to dig out of.

All this happening while Aaron subtly brags about how awesome his team is.  On Gmail.  #Lulz.  I honestly don't know what to make of Aaron's team.  Carson Palmer has out-scored Andrew Luck for the past three weeks, and Aaron has had De Nuts to start Palmer over Luck!  Even if he forgot to start Le'Veon Bell this week, Aaron would probably still win over Luke.  And let's not forget that he freaking drafted Duron Carter for $4 - the same price he paid for Steve Smith Beastior!  If we break down his draft again, for all practical purposes, Aaron has only used $73 of his draft day money.  Remember the $44 he spent on Andrew Luck?  Hasn't needed it.  Or the $69 on Le'Veon Bell?  Hasn't (really) needed it.  $8 on CJ Spiller?  Hasn't needed it.  Oh, and the $4 on Duron Carter?  Hasn't needed it.  What. The. Crap.  I can't help but #Lulz at it.  In amazement.  Maybe the aaronisyourdaddy days are back.

I'm not going to lie - it literally took me all day Sunday to figure out what Andrew's new team name meant.  Then I #Lulz-ed.  The level of cleverness is off the charts.  But does that mean Green Bay Defense will score 4 or more points so that Andrew's not crying his own team name all Tuesday???

On a somewhat unrelated note - tomorrow is National Coffee Day.  Which means free doughnut and small coffee at Krispy Kreme.  Also, free medium coffee at Dunkin Donuts.  If you want gas station (aka crappier) coffee, Wawa and Sheetz are also giving away free coffees.  And if you live in Seattle (Gabs), free 12 oz coffee at Top Pot.  Since I know all of you will be up watching MNF tonight.  Or doing something equally unproductive.