Power Rankingz

Since Tim is on depression hiatus, somebody's gotta pick up the slack. And we all know Justina's GIF war was a one-week wonder. So uh... here goes.

Platinum Teams

1 - THE PAIN TRAIN


Gabs is managing his team this year? If anybody watches the league, watch this past week's episode. Gabs' performance this year is like sober-Taco. We once regarded playing Gabs as a "Gabs-bye" but now he's setting flames to our league. He capitalized on Eddie Lacy's return and somehow raped Abraham out of Dez Bryant. RGIII is finally looking like himself again and that Blackmon buy and hold strategy is giving him some legit dividends. All I gotta say is... props.

Gold Teams

2 - Password is Taco


We were all sleeping on Justina's team to start this year, but little did we know that Snorlax can learn the Hyperbeam attack (how do I remember these things?) - and that's exactly what she's done. 2 years later, J's bullish stance on Jacquizz pays off. Anchored by a strong RB corp, Justina's team is looking pretty good right now.

3 - Seenie J


How the muk did Jeff get this good? Well I guess the whole "draft ape index" helped him out after all. Cam is looking like he did 2 years ago, Garcon and Smith are strong WR1/WR2 range guys and his RB's are ridiculously strong. We'll see how the demise of Cutler affects Forte's stock, but I'm thinking he'll keep producing elite RB numbers.

4 - Jen Wong's Team

Jen's team looks pretty good, and could end up going in several directions. She doesn't have one dynamite position, but could get anchored from any direction, whether its her QB (Vaporeon), her WRs aka Alshon Jeffrey and TY Hilton (Joleton), or Knowshon Moreno (Flareon). The ascendance of Jeffrey and Moreno have pushed her team from preseason mediocrity to regular season gold.

Silver Teams

5 - Unicorn Burps

(This is Keldeo... there's apparently a Unicorn pokemon?)

Like me, David's had some unfortunate matchups, but he has a pretty strong team. Rodgers will hopefully return to form despite his WRs going down, but really, he's got 3 strong WR's and two strong TE's. If David can find a way to get some value from either Julius Thomas or Jordan Reed in a way that boosts his RB power, he can make a jump up in the muddled "middle of the pack."

6 - Spider Pig


I'm still pretty bullish on my team. I'd like to point out that I've lost two games by a total of 5 points so far this year and the jump in the rankings from 2-5 and 4-3 is pretty big. With that said, my WR's still need some work, and Matt Ryan is a big question mark. However, it looks like CJ2K is rounding into form and his schedule just got a lot easier. Anybody want a RB?

7 - Charlotte Hornets

Abraham made a bold trade dealing away his best player... we'll see if he can capitalize on that. Gore is a huge upgrade for his RB corp, but he trade leaves him pining at WR. Time will tell if Keenan Allen is good enough as a weekly WR3, but I think his WR 2 and 3 spot need some help.

8 - You've Changed Bro


Duke's team has the most explosive player in the league in Peyton... but his weakness is the lack of true depth behind that. His RB's are struggling pretty hard and even AJ Green has had a few bad weeks. Hopefully the return of Gronk will round out his arsenal, especially once Denver starts sitting Manning when they've clinched their playoff spot.

9 - Choux Buns

Aaron's team is like Ghost Pokemon. You keep wanting to think it's pretty good, but he's actually quite vulnerable. Wilson has been erratic and his RB's are sorry. And now that Graham is hurt, Aaron is wildly searching for a trade and will evolve him into a Gengar. Good luck bro. Give me Cruz?

Bronze aka Copper aka Dirt.

10 - MUSCLEHamster

Of the bottom feeders, Eric's team holds some promise. The Harry Douglas pickup was pretty slick (why did I ever drop him??) and Reggie Bush is a top 7 back when healthy. Now if Romo can actually start producing like everybody says he will, Eric will likely be able to muscle out a playoff spot.

11 - Pinchers of Peril

After revamping his team via the waiver wire, Tim might have some silver lining. Fred Jackson and Randle are not the worst RB's you could ask for, and the Boykin pickup should serve him well. Despite his struggles, on behalf of FFNUTHANG, I'd like to thank Tim for tirelessly being our league commissioner for the past 10 years. Hopefully the fantasy gods will reward you with a championship someday... probably not today.

12 - Terrific Torotoises

I really wanted to give you Blastoise but I just couldn't... you know you're in trouble when you start Alex Smith at QB. Thing is, David has two top 7 receivers in Megatron and DeSean. Unfortunately, we all know that fantasy teams are carried by QB/RB. With the right stroke of luck, however, David could see his team stock rise if Roddy and Miles get healthy, he gets a decent trade out of his WR's, and maybe Lamar Miller starts acting like his draft value. At least we have the Red Sox, right David?

Dude... writing this stuff takes a long time. Now I understand why Tim is on hiatus. Come back soon?

Sincerely,

Super pig.

Power Rankings: Week 6

As we enter the mid-way point of the fantasy football regular season, ladies and gentlemen of Nu-er Thang and the interworld, I am sad to say that I will be taking a hiatus from fantasy football blogging.  You can attribute it to a variety of reasons:
1. It is taking up a lot of time that I wish I had.  ROI is not adding up.
2. C.J. Spiller, David Wilson, Randall Cobb, Daryl Richardson, Hakeem Nicks, must I go on?
3. To preserve my sanity.
4. I'm beginning to truly believe that fantasy foosball is the devil.
David Li has probably already reached this conclusion.

This is not to say I will not blog any more for the rest of the season.  I may do a less-frequent power rankings and / or analysis, who knows.  I just need to get back to my happy place, and I'm not sure how long that will take.  I hope you can understand.  But I will not deprive you of one more power ranking before I take my leave.  Enjoy.


1. The Pain Train (5-1) [1]

Gabs is just all over that waiver wire.  He's determined not to let complacency kill his team this year.  Bravo to him - it looks like it's working out well so far.  Didn't even lose a step with the loss of Julio, thanks to Justin Blackmon.


2. Jen Wong's Team (5-1) [3]

It was a close call against Duke's team this week, and it wasn't a high-scoring affair, but I'm sure she'll take it.  Jen's team continues to get it done.  Even with the loss of Amendola, she's got options on the bench.  It'll be interesting to see how the Saints bye week affects her team, though.


3. Password is Taco (5-1) [4]

I don't get it, but I'm not even going to question it anymore.  Justina's team is way more legit than anything I could muster together this season, even if the reasons confound me.  Props.


4. Unicorn Burps (2-4) [2]

Ouch, tough loss.  Yet another upset, and DeMarco also goes down (it was only a matter of time, really).  David has so-so backup options for his RB spot in the meantime.  Aaron Rodgers loses a top-WR in Cobb, which may mean struggling stats for David's QB.  And until he starts winning games, I'm not sure his team deserves the #2 spot.  Things don't seem to be looking up.  The dagger: he has the same record as I do.


5. Charlotte Hornets (3-3) [6]

Trent Richardson needs to do some stepping up.  Nevertheless, a solid performance this week for Abraham's team.  And it seems like he's been making pretty smart moves on the waiver wire, too.


6. Choux AKA Sweet Buns (3-3) [5]

Ok, yeah, maybe it's time to panic a little.  Jimmy Graham out is a huge blow.

7.  Seenie J (4-2) [9]

Cam finally plays to his potential, and Jeff one-ups me yet again.  Sad week for Adrian Peterson in more ways than one, but he'll bounce back, I hope.  Anyone offer Jeff a trade yet?  San Fran D and Tony Gonzalez - that's a tempting deal.  Let's see, hoping to get the killer 1-2 combo of Greg Little and Brandon Lafell for that?

8. Spider Pig (2-4) [10]

Luke puts together a very impressive week, but time will tell whether it will be sustainable.  I will note that his team has been showing steady signs of improvement since his poor Weeks 2 and 3 performances.  They just didn't manifest themselves in wins until this week.


9. You've Changed Bro (2-4) [8]

It was a case of even-numbered-week-syndrome.  This week will be better.  Oh goody, he's playing me.

10. MUSCLEhamster! (1-5) [7]

Man, everyone has been beating up on Eric.  His team will definitely be better with the addition of Brandon Marshall, but fantasy luck is just not on his side this year.  No matter how hard I try to keep him up in the power rankings, his team somehow fails to perform each week.


11. Terrific Tortoises (2-4) [12]

Impressive win.  Just do that more, Stevan Ridley.


12. Pinchers of Peril (2-4) [11]

No comment.  I'm just looking forward to the start of college basketball.

Luke and David Li's Monday Morning

In other news... one of the most intriguing Mondays for FFNu-erThang AKA ANUSTART.

Hornets vs Pain TRAIN:
Boils down to Trent Richardson vs Reggie Wayne... Richardson needs to outscore Wayne by 5 pts, which essentially comes down to who gets the score? SD's defense is better than people give it credit for, but I'm thinking that Indy goes with a heavy run game and T-Rich finally breaks out of his 3YPG average.

Winner: Hornets

You've Changed vs. Wong-a-thon
Currently separated by a mere 0.46 spread right now, Monday night pits Vincent Brown against Danny Woodhead. Danny's been on a tear lately, averaging 15 ppg in the last two weeks but Vincent Brown is the go-to WR... Once again, I think this one will go down to whoever gets the score or big play.

Winner: You've Changed Bro

And for all of you tuning in at home, if both Gabs and Jen lose this week, it means that this one (pictured below) will be our league's #1 team.

Revenge of the sacko?

Justina's Week 5 Power Rankings

You get a gif! You get a gif! Everyone gets a gif!

1. The Pain Train

2. Jen Wong's Team

3. Password Is Taco

4. Choux AKA Sweet Buns

5. Charlotte Hornets

6. Unicorn Burps

7. You've Changed Bro

8. Seenie J

9. Pinchers of Peril

10. Spider Pig

11. Ham'wheelin&dealin

12. Terrific Tortoises

Predictions: Week 6

	Tim
Last week's record	(3-3)
Overall record	(14-16)
Percentage	0.47

Pinchers of Peril (2-3) v. Seenie J (3-2)
I hope so badly to crush Jeff.  So badly.  That is all I want to say about that.
Winner: Pinchers of Peril

Spider Pig (1-4) v. Ham'wheelin'&dealin (1-4)
At the beginning of the season, I would have thought this would be a very interesting matchup to follow.  Now, both teams are just begging for a win.  I'm thinking Luke may end up capitalizing on Baltimore going shoot-out mode with the Packers, making that Flacco-Torrey Smith combo looks dangerous.  I think the matchups tip it in Luke's favor this week, sadly for Eric.
Winner: Spider Pig

Choux AKA Sweet Buns (3-2) v. Password is Taco (4-1)
So... it might be too late for Justina to find a satisfactory replacement for Jacquizzi.  Plus, I'm still not fully buying Justina's team.  In my opinion, Aaron's got a decent enough team to surpass her in the standings after this week.
Winner: Choux AKA Sweet Buns

Charlotte Hornets (3-2) v. The Pain Train (4-1)
Gabs will get his first taste of what life without Julio will be like for the rest of the season.  I think Abraham's team is going to take advantage of this fact and pull out an upset.  There may be a new #1 next week...
Winner: Charlotte Hornets

You've Changed Bro (2-3) v. Jen Wong's Team (4-1)
I have a feeling Peyton is going to throw all over the Jacksonville Defense.  But it's an even numbered week, so in theory, Duke's team should be off.  That's good enough reason for me.
Winner: Jen Wong's Team

Terrific Tortoises (1-4) v. Unicorn Burps (2-3)
As much as I'd like to see the upset in the case, I can't see how it would happen.  I really can't.  This year's Battle of the Davids looks to be a dud.
Winner: Unicorn Burps

Power Rankings: Week 5

I always enjoy some friendly banter, especially in the form of amusing memes.  I'm not sure it ever gets old, even after 8+ years.  Too bad I didn't understand half of the memes Gabs sent out.  Not even sure those were intended for smack talk..


1. The Pain Train (4-1) [1]

All Gabs had to do was start his QB and 2 RBs and he would have still won this week.  Such a stark contrast between the rich and poor in this fantasy land.


2. Unicorn Burps (2-3) [2]

It had to be because I called the upset.  Sorry, David.  You fell on an odd-numbered week (see Duke's blurb).  I found it very hard to place a team with a losing record at the top of the rankings, even though David's team has scored more points than Gabs's team, and arguably deserves to be #1.  Besides his (2-3) record, his team is doing phenomenal.  Oh, the pains of fantasy football.


3. Jen Wong's Team (4-1) [4]

Jen has the wool all over my eyes, and I'm still not buying it.  But she's been legitimately producing enough to back her (4-1) record up, and imagine what her score would have looked like with T.Y. Hilton starting.  Whatever she's doing, she's doing right, and even though I'm still confused as to how it's getting done, I can't find a more consistent team outside of the Train and Unicorn.


4. Password is Taco (4-1) [7]

I'm not exactly sure how's she's doing it, but she's getting the job done.  Jacquizzi workhorsed it for Justina this week, and gave her a much-celebrated win over the struggling Pig.  Moving forward, her team still doesn't look all that great to me on paper.  But hey, 5th highest in scoring so far this season - it's better than most of us can claim.  Besides, I'm starting to think that my denial of other teams's successes (Jen, Justina) is a reflection of my understanding of fantasy football, and therefore somehow correlated to the performance of my team.  As in, maybe I'm not the best judge of what makes a team win.  Or maybe the times they are a-changin'.


5. Choux AKA Sweet Buns (3-2) [3]

Still looking for an RB2?  I don't even have an RB1.  Your team is fine, just be patient.  And start the players that will score the most points.  And stop putting players on IR that aren't hurt.


6. Charlotte Hornets (3-2) [6]

Abraham should feel lucky that all the teams below him in these rankings (outside of maybe Duke's team) are really that bad.  Bad enough where even though he lucked out a win against Aaron's team this week, he still gets to maintain his #6 spot.  I'm interested to see how Trent Richardson's development with the Colts play out, but besides that, Abraham will probably continue to rely on his stacked WRs to carry him through each week.

7.  Ham'wheelin'&dealin (1-4) [5]

Vick goes down and it's becoming harder and harder for me to justify placing Eric's team in the top half of the rankings.  Sure, Tony Romo can get the job done, but the Hamsters continue to show holes that haven't been patched up sufficiently.  Eric's been making bank on Fred Jackson, much to my chagrin, but he'll need his Hamster and Le'Veon Bell to really step it up before his team can win legitimate games.  I think it's doable, but will it be done?

8. You've Changed Bro (2-3) [9]

No team has been more consistently inconsistent in terms of doing well one week, then tanking the next.  Week 1: 2nd highest score, Week 2: lowest score, Week 3: 4th highest score, Week 4: 2nd lowest score, Week 5: 2nd highest score.  Lesson to all: don't play Duke's team on an odd-numbered week.  Lesson #2 to all: Peyton Manning is ridiculous.  I'm just going to keep Duke's team down here - I'm tired of flip-flopping on him.  Besides, next week he'll probably stink it up again.


9. Seenie J (3-2) [8]

It was a pitimous showing by Jeff's team, but I'll give him the fact that he didn't have A.Pete or Garcon in his lineup.  Next week should be a better one for him, though.  Ah, yes... just in time for the outpouring of my wrath.


10. Spider Pig (1-4) [10]

Talk about wasted points on the bench.  Luke's team has potential.  I'll agree that his Phoenix rating seems to be pretty high, even with his (1-4) record.  He'll have some easy matchups in the next few weeks, so if he capitalizes on that stretch, you may see his team back near the middle of the pack in a month or so.  Which is saying a lot, for his team.  But his players have to step it up and play to their potential, something I can relate to as a fellow bottom-dweller.


11. Pinchers of Peril (2-3) [12]

I'll take whatever wins I can get.  My team overall still isn't looking great, but at least I've got some WRs to help me get my pity wins to build up my playoff resume.  Goonies never say die.


12. Terrific Tortoises (1-4) [11]

:(  Sad face.  Silver lining: you don't have the lowest "points for" score in the league... right?  Sorry, I tried to find a better one, but I couldn't.