Monday Lulz

MNF get over with so I can beat David.  HURRY.

• How does Yahoo even come up with these chances of victory?  David Lin's team jumped from 4% chance of winning to 13%, all off of Brandon Marshall's diarrhea-ing of fantasy points all over my precious team.  He wasn't even supposed to play this game, how does he go from that to catching 3 touchdowns??  I seriously felt like he literally took a dump on my team.
• Oh, and by the way, don't think I didn't notice that if he hadn't dropped Niles Paul, and started him instead, David would have likely been victorious against me.  Now, Jeff will just pick him up for $20.
• Luke acts swiftly after AP gets in trouble, and it pays off quite nicely.  Matt Asiata - who knew?  It might have just saved his season from partially tanking.
• Yahoo has Luke at a 83% chance of winning - once again, how does Yahoo come up with this??  I'm hoping Luke's kicker won't have any points, because that means Maclin would have scored no touchdowns, and therefore a victory for the Odoyles.  #teamjustina
• Oh, and how about that Antonio Gates against Seattle's Defense?  Too bad those points were wasted on Luke's bench.  But seriously, is that guy back for real?
• What did I say about Jamaal Charles and Andrew's team?  1.20 points... that's harsh.  That $74 is not looking so well-spent anymore.  I mean, 1.20 points, wow.
• "GIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" yells David Li.
• Gabs wasn't quick enough to swap out Rainey for Muscle Hamster... not like it would have guaranteed the win, but 53.68 total points for the week is a hard pill to swallow.
• ...as Eric lets out a big sigh of relief.  I mean, he started Shonn Greene... and it ended up not even being a bad decision, because he scored more than the other RBs on the bench!  Too much lulz.
• For real, though, that Jordy Nelson is making my QB look good.  I like it.
• I guess Chou Chainz has risen.  I'm so confused, and a little bit scared.
• Abraham, I see you last-minute picking up Delanie Walker.  Too bad his QB couldn't play better for your team, though.  A win is a win.
• It looks like Duke's doing his flip flop thing again.  Just trying to make it impossible for me to rank his team.

Predictions: Week 2

Week 1 Predictions Record: (4-2)
Overall Predictions Record: (4-2)

I'll admit that there was some photo-overload going on last week, so I'll calm it down a little this week.  Nonetheless, I'm happy to start the season off with a winning record in something!

Odoyle rules! v. Unicorn Burps
QB
Here's to hoping Rodgers turns it around this week.
Advantage: Odoyle rules!

WR
No matter who I put in, David's WRs will blow them out of the water.  I mean, it's not even going to be close.  It's not even going to be close to close.
Advantage: Unicorn Burps

RB
I'm liking my RBs after Week 1, but David has some nice matchups with his.  Jennings vs. an Arizona D that let Ryan Mathews score on them and Beast Mode doing his thang look like favorites against an up-and-coming Le'Veon Bell and a Ryan Mathews against a tough Seattle D.
Advantage: Unicorn Burps

TE
I have more confidence in Andrew Luck's ability to find his TE than I do Tannehill's at this point in the season.  So I'll take the advantage, even though it's not a significant one.
Advantage: Odoyle rules!

K/DEF
I'm not so sure David's got me beat in this one.  I'd argue that St. Louis's offense is a worse than Cleveland's offense, so I feel like I've got an advantage at Defense.  If New England continues to play like doodoo, then I may have a chance at winning this category too!
Advantage: Odoyle rules!

Winner: Unicorn Burps
Even though I get the advantage in 3 of the 5 categories, let's not kid ourselves here, David absolutely destroys me in the 2 categories he has an advantage in, and thus takes the game with ease.  Doesn't even touch close.



Password is Taco v. Spider Pig
QB
Stafford v. Carolina against Ryan v. Cinci is an interesting matchup, but I have a feeling Atlanta v. Cinci will be more of a shoot-out than Detroit v. Carolina.  Because the Panthers are going to CRUSH IT.
Advantage: Password is Taco

WR
Maybe Justina has begun kicking herself for trading away KB.  Her WRs sure could use his help.
Advantage: Spider Pig

RB
Starting Chris Ivory is a bold move.  Not like it would make a difference, though.  But bold, bold move.  I guess when you've got nothing to lose since you're up against AP and Arian Foster, you just have to be like whatevs, my naginta.

Advantage: Spider Pig

TE
Antonio Gates is up against a stiff Seattle defense while Greg Olsen will likely have Cam back against a much easier Detroit defense.  Naginta, please.
Advantage: Password is Taco

K/DEF
I'm a little scared of what Miami is potentially capable of doing, so I'm hesitant to place any confidence in the Buffalo defense.
Advantage: Spider Pig

Winner: Spider Pig
On paper, Luke has a stronger team, but I saw how that meant pretty much nothing last week, so I guess anything could happen.  But officially, I will have to go with my gut on this one.  Sorry, Justina - enjoy your undefeatedness while it lasts.



GHOTEM v. Terrific Tortoises
QB
Russell is underrated both in real life and in fantasy.  Foles will do fine, but Russell played freakishly well in Week 1.
Advantage: GHOTEM

WR
I still marvel at David Li's ability to keep KB on the bench.  But I can't blame him, either - he's got 3 WRs that are more worthy starters.  Which makes his WRs a scary bunch.
Advantage: Terrific Tortoises

RB
Jamaal Charles has to bounce back.  He just has to... right?  But watch out, I have a feeling Gio and Knowshon might pull a quick one on Andrew's team.  Freaking Knowshon.  But I believe, Jamaal.  I believe.
Advantage: GHOTEM

TE
IMO, Cleveland receivers are over valued, including Jordan Cameron.  Plus, David Li has Z-Z!
Advantage: Terrific Tortoises

K/DEF
Seahawks Defense is scary as crap.  Plus, I am of the opinion that Dallas will be producing more offense than SF will, which will give their kicker a little more to do this week.
Advantage: GHOTEM

Winner: GHOTEM
It all hinges on Jamaal.  Jamaal does well, and Andrew's team wins.  Jamaal plummets again, and the Tortoises get some redemption from last week.  I, for one, believe that Jamaal will do well.  So says he:



The Pain Train v. #SOverySHADY
QB
Let's see, Drew Brees or Eli?  Gabs is like... #SOveryOBVI.  AGAIN 2.0.  Except Brees better actually upgrade this week.
Advantage: The Pain Train

WR
Jordy will do better for Eric, but I'm not sure about DeSean or Reubs.  On the other hand, Gabs only has Mike Wallace to really rely on.  Starting Hurns is a stretch...  I'm going to go with Eric on this one.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY

RB
Gabs's RBs are a mess.  Reggie Bush probably won't be too threatening, but Shady will bring the big points for Eric.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY

TE
It's scary what Julius Thomas is capable of.
Advantage: The Pain Train

K/DEF
I'll take Denver Defense taking advantage of KC's struggling offense.
Advantage: #SOverySHADY

Winner: The Pain Train
Eric wins more categories, but the difference between Drew Brees and Eli plus the ridiculousness of Julius Thomas will allow Gabs to just barely get the win this week.



Seenie J v. Chou Chainz
QB
The only thing stopping Peyton from having a field day against KC is... well, nothing.
Advantage: Seenie J

WR
I'm liking the Markus Wheaton start for Aaron.  Wheaton plus Dez will put up solid numbers.  For Jeff, I have a feeling Crabtree is going to tank again, and I'm not a big fan of Cleveland receivers.  So either Cordarelle will have to score more than all 3 of Aaron's WRs, or Jeff will need to find another way to gain the upper hand.
Advantage: Chou Chainz

RB
This is ugly.  Matt Forte will anchor Jeff's RBs, but his RB2 spot will either be filled by Terrance West, Darren Sproles, or Justin Forsett - any of who could do really well or really poorly.  But then Aaron has Zac Stacy and CJ Pooper, backed with some stretch RBs on the bench.  The advantage will have to go Jeff, but it's a very slight advantage.
Advantage: Seenie J

TE
Jeff benefits from David Li's droppage of Dennis Pitta, but it won't be enough against Jimmy Graham this week, unfortunately.
Advantage: Chou Chainz

K/DEF
I don't know what to think about New England's defense, so I'll stick with.. Go Panthers!
Advantage: Seenie J

Winner: Seenie J
Chou Chainz may have to wait another week before it rises.



Charlotte Hornets v. I'm Coming Home.
QB
Abraham picks up Locker in a desperation move because Rivers is going to get shut down by Seattle, but I think regardless, the advantage still goes to Duke and Kaepernick.
Advantage: I'm Coming Home.

WR
That Megatron is a beast.  I'm liking Brandin Cooks having another good week against a questionable Cleveland defense.  Abraham has some really good WRs, but that Megatron is a beast.  Even Lebron and KD say so, so it's gotta be true.
Advantage: I'm Coming Home

RB
Yet another ugly pair of RBs.  Montee did well for Abraham in Week 1, but starting Carlos Hyde is a stretch.  Granted, his other options... aren't great.  For Duke, Ellington is a question mark, but at least he has some serviceable backups.  With reluctance...
Advantage: I'm Coming Home

TE
My assistant calls the TE on her fantasy team "Gronowski," which is hard for me to hear sometimes, but she somehow managed to win her first game.  And I didn't.  So I'll shut up about that now.
Advantage: I'm Coming Home

K/DEF
Just to give Abraham an advantage in something...
Advantage: Charlotte Hornets

Winner: I'm Coming Home
My assistant also had Kaepernick on her team, and she has confidence that she'll win again this week, so we'll roll with that.

Power Rankings: Week 2

Week 1 brought its joys and frustrations with breakouts and injuries, but it has now fully passed and the NFL season is officially in full swing.  So with some actual solid numbers and performances for me to ignore, I will continue to base my rankings off of gut feeling and unreasonable bias.  Just kidding, it's actually more like 50% gut feel, 30% unreasonable bias, and 20% solid numbers.  The team's record is noted next to the team name in parenthesis, and the previous week's power rank is noted in the brackets next to the team's record.

Also, this week's Power Rankings are brought to you in part by the album "Atlas" by Real Estate.  I am always looking for new music to listen to, especially music I can listen to mindlessly while writing these wonderful blog posts, so feel free to make suggestions.  :)

1. Unicorn Burps (1-0) [1]


I see no reason to bump his team down for its performance this past week.  If Beast Mode stays healthy, he'll continue to put up solid numbers.  His WRs are still some of the best in the league, and he's got some wiggle room on his bench in case someone breaks down aka DeAndre Hopkins.  Brady doesn't even have to play well and David could still rack up those W's easily.  There's really little reason for me to argue his spot at #1 - it should be pretty clear.


2. I'm Coming Home. (1-0) [6]

Week 1 Megatron was worth every dollar Duke spent on him.  Clearly.  And that Brandin Cooks - yet another great pickup at WR.  Duke won't even care that he has Alfred Morris and Steven Jackson at RB if his WRs continue to dominate as they have.  Kaepernick with a consistent 20 points every week?  It could happen.  Regardless, I'm liking Duke's WRs to carry his team farther this year than they did last year.  A #2 spot is a bit generous, but I'm not sure any other team below deserves this spot right now.  So it's more of a "lesser of two evils" type thing.  Or... 10 evils.


3. Spider Pig (1-0) [5]

Matt Ryan is looking more and more like a ridiculous steal for Luke, if he continues to play at that level.  Arian Foster, if healthy, can make Luke's starting RBs the best in the league (with A.Peterson).  Demaryius will obviously put up better numbers, and if Antonio Gates can stay relatively young, he'll be a huge asset for Luke's team.  But that's a lot of if's.  It's still a little early to rely on those if's, but props to Luke's team for an impressive Week 1 showing.  That deserves a bump up, even if 24 of those points were from Houston Defense.


4. GHOTEM (1-0) [2]

Andrew pulled off a miracle win this week, having been fatefully matched up with the worst-performing-Eli-at-QB team this week.  Had he played any other team (including mine!), Andrew would have lost.  We'll attribute it to beginner's luck.  Some pretty significant questions loom, though, and will determine the fate of the rest of his season.  Will Jamaal Charles bounce out of his Week 1 funk?  Can Frank Gore actually be relied upon?  What happens if Andrew has to reach for another RB?  Danny Woodhead??  On paper, his team still looks very good.  Unfortunately, his team gets a small bump down this week for its sorry performance.


5. The Pain Train (1-0) [3]

Gabs's RB situation all of a sudden looks pretty dismal.  With injuries to both of his starting RBs (Eddie Lacy, Muscle Hamster), he really has nowhere to turn for help, and therefore his team takes a tumble in the rankings.  Thankfully, he had a TON of help from Julius Thomas this week, but he probably won't be able to rely on Thomas to put up those kinds of numbers every single week.  Gabs got by against a weak Chou Chainz last week, and he'll have another cushy matchup against Eli & Co. this week, but when the competition gets tougher, Gabs will need to find some more reliable RBs to boot.


6. Terrific Tortoises (0-1) [8]

In spite of the tough loss in Week 1, I'm liking David's team.  He's got options, which can be a good thing, or can be a headache.  David's toughest job from week to week is figuring out who to start at RB.  Gio should be in there every week IMO, but that RB2 spot will be tricky to fill.  Nevertheless, I think David's team has huge upside right now, and I'm confident he'll capitalize on that in the upcoming weeks.  That Kelvin Benjamin pickup-then-trade is still making me sad I didn't blow all I had on him.  He's going to ball out of control.


7. Password is Taco (1-0) [11]

Much sorriez for underestimating Justina's team yet again.  And that face is exactly what I imagined she gave me for ranking her team so poorly.  Actually, that's what I imagine she is giving me for ranking her team below David Li's.  However, 32 of her points this week came from last-minute Kicker and Defense additions, which will definitely not happen every week.  I'm not sold on DeMarco Murray, either.  But Stafford, Joique, and Olsen are solid plays for now, and her bench has some options in case DeMarco gets hurt or she's not happy with her WRs.  Yes, yes, she scored the most points in Week 1, but her team still has a lot of uncertainties, in my mind.  So she doesn't get the #1 spot, but she gets a little closer than she was last week.  Her team still has some stuffz to prove, though.


8. Seenie J (0-1) [9]

Jeff didn't come out of Week 1 with a W, but his team put up some solid numbers.  Peyton will continue to produce, Cordarelle looks impressive, and an injury-free Forte will be solid.  It's just those other holes in his roster that will push him from good to better.  He has good bench players that could prove to be an asset, but similar to David Li's team, it'll be tricky to know who to start on a weekly basis.  We'll see how things play out.


9. Odoyle rules! (0-1) [4]

I'm happy with how my RBs did this week.  I'm not happy with who I started at WR, but I can live with it.  I'm not happy about my TE or my QB.  Granted, Rodgers faced the best secondary in the NFL.  I'm hoping that was the only reason for his sub-par performance.  If he can pick up the slack and play like a $42 QB, then I like my team's chances in the long run.  #staypositive  Too bad I play the Unicorns this week.


10. Charlotte Hornets (0-1) [10]

Montee Ball proved to be worth the money Abraham paid for him Week 1.  But time will tell whether he can produce those kind of numbers week in and week out.  A reliable RB2 may be hard for Abraham to find, and his team would definitely benefit from an upgrade at QB, but his WRs are still super solid.  Unfortunately, until his team can prove their worth, he'll have to stay at the bottom half of the rankings.


11. MUSCLEhamster! (0-1) [7]

It looks like the NFL / Baltimore Ravens listened to Duke's complaint and slapped an equally-heavy if not a heavier penalty on Ray Rice and put another screw in Eric's already-struggling team.  To be clear, I agree with the ruling, even though I disagree with the timing of it - it should have been done a long time ago.  But that doesn't negate the fact that it sucks for Eric.  On a different note, I didn't anticipate Michael Floyd doing so well in MNF.  Therefore, I'll be the first to admit my folly in predicting that if Eli can keep out of the negatives, that Eric would win this week.  He scored more than I thought he would, to be honest.  I'm still liking Shady and Jordy, but overall... let's just say Eric's got some major re-evaluating to do.


12. Chou Chainz (0-1) [12]

I still see very little upside on Aaron's team.  Andy Dalton will likely be a somewhat-reliably-mediocre QB every week.  Aaron has a little more upside at WR with Markus Wheaton emerging as a producer, but his RBs are still sad, in my opinion.  He's gotta wield one of his TEs in a trade for an upgrade at a position he can actually use.  Good luck with that, though.

Monday Lulz

You know that case of the Mondays, when your day feels like a series of lulls because you are basically just waiting for MNF to get over with so you can know what the final result of your fantasy game is?  Well, fear no more, I will try to share my thoughts from Thursday and Sunday in bullet-point fashion, and hopefully convert some of those lulls into lulz (creative, yes?) for my very small internet-fantasy-football-blogosphere-niche-audience.  #liveauthentic  #livefolk  Did I use those correctly?  

Anyways, for the very first time, I present to you - Monday Lulz!  Happy Monday!

And yay Panthers!  Even without my boy Cam!

• Here's to hoping Stafford collapses in the middle of the game, and Joique doesn't even get to play.  I still have a 5% chance of winning.
  

• Wow, Jamaal Charles + Frank Gore was a huge flop for Andrew this week.  That #2 spot in the power rankings may be slipping from his fingers as we speak.

• Andrew is crossing his fingers that Eli plays as poorly as he was paid for in the draft.  I think if Eli can avoid negative points, Eric will be good.  But that might be asking for too much from him.

• David Lin gave David Li a pounding this week.  And David Li's team didn't even do that poorly!  Dat #BeastMode doe.  Oh yeah, and AnJavrus Green.

• Let's talk about David Li's bench for a second.  Why is it that Chris Johnson only does well for David Li when he's on the bench???  And freaking Knowshon Moreno is at it again.  Where did Miami even come from?  Poor David.  Having Kelvin Benjamin do so well will also make it tough for David to know who to start next week.  If you need some help, David, I can take a WR or two off of your hands to make that decision easier.  :D

• Eddie Lacy ending up with a concussion gives Gabs's team a concerning blow, considering his next RB in line is... Ronnie Hillman.  Gabs might need a better back up plan.  At least he came out with the win this week.  So he's happy like:
  
  
  #yoloswaglife

• I can't still get over the fact that Aaron paid $54 for Jimmy Graham.

• Staying on the topic of the draft - I still think the $2 Duke spent on Ben Roethlisberger is still the best $2 spent by anyone in the entire draft.

• That accidental Cordarelle pickup by Jeff's autodraft has already paid dividends.  Same with Andrew Luck, who was also accidentally autodrafted.  What's with Jeff and autodrafting?  If I remember correctly, Jeff autodrafted his entire team last year.  I'm wondering what kind of deal Jeff has struck with the autodraft demons.  Maybe he should just autodraft from now on so he can spend more time doing this:
  
  I may have just died a little inside.

• Luke got lucky with Houston's Defense.  I'm not buying what his team is trying to sell, though.  And whatever happened to Adrian Peterson scoring a TD on his first carry of the season.

• Abraham got some solid numbers from his WRs.  Pending Rivers's performance on Monday, though, he might need some help at all other positions.  Actually, not pending Rivers's performance on Monday, he will need some help at all other positions.
  
  Sorry, bud.

• So I have no reference point as to how much money players off the waiver wire are actually worth.  $100 seems like a lot, but that's over 16 or so weeks, right?  My gut tells me Luke and Eric are going to go big or go home, and Justina will be the only one with money left to spend by Week 13.  But it may not even matter by then.

Predictions: Week 1

The feeling of excitement, anticipation, and butterflies associated with the start a new fantasy football season begin to be dashed today.  The wheat will begin being separated from the chaff, and fantasy ecstasy along with fantasy frustration will be felt at some point by the time Tuesday rolls around.  So without further ado, predictions week 1:


Odoyle rules! v. Password is Taco
QB
Rodgers faces a tough Seattle defense, and my alternative would be starting Cutler, so... either way I favor Stafford by a hair in this one.


WR
I like my 3-some of Fitz, Torrey Smith, and Emmanuel Sanders (especially now that Wes is drugged out for a few weeks) vs. Justina's Keenan, Bictor, and VJax simply because of the QBs that are throwing to them.  I think that'll be more of a factor this week than their respective opponents' secondaries.


RB
This one should be obvious.  I'm not even sure how long Lamar Miller will last as the Dolphins's starting RB.  Even with the loss of Aldon Smith, SF still has a solid defense, and DeMarco is too flaky for me to trust his ability to do anything useful.  Even if she puts in Joique (Please don't!  I mean... please do!  I mean...), I'm still liking my RBs's chances vs. Cleveland (Le'Veon) and Arizona (Mathews).  Or even Pierce, who will only have to fight himself in securing a bigger role with the Ravens running game.


TE
Cam will be going to Olsen all day.


K/DEF
Only because she has nothing right now, and whatever she picks up from waivers can't be THAT good, right?


Winner:
I'M HOPING.



Unicorn Burps v. Terrific Tortoises
QB
Until Nick Foles can prove his consistency, I'm going to have to go with the safer pick in Brady.  That's not to say that Foles won't blow up in Week 1.  I'd just rather not put my neck out for him.


WR
I've already established how David Lin has probably the best starting 3 WRs in the league.  There's no reason that Week 1 won't prove my point.  David Li has a good set of WRs as well, but unfortunately not as good as commissioner David's trio.  I think David Li is just hoping no one gets hurt Week 1 so he can at least get some more usage out of his big-name WRs in the not-too-distant-future.


RB
Even though they aren't spectacular, I think David Lin yet again has an advantage over David Li at the RB spot.  Gio should be a solid play, but I'm not sure what the Patriots' running plan is going to be, with Stevan Ridley sure to steal some points from Vereen.  Since Marshawn and Rashad Jennings are clearly their respective teams' starters, they should be poised to produce a good number of points.  Ok, maybe not Jennings since the Giants run game hasn't been all that great since Tiki Barber.  But at least compared to Gio and Vereen, Marshawn and Jennings should do fine.


TE
I'm getting tired of seeing David Lin's face.  Plus, Zach Ertz's name starts with a Z and ends with a Z.  Mind blown.


K/DEF
NE offense > SF offense.  SD offense > Baltimore offense.  Follow my logic?


Winner:
I mean, he had the number one team in the power rankings.  Could I really have him losing this first week?



GHOTEM v. #SOverySHADY
QB
Is this really even a question?  Eric has Eli.


WR
Even against a ridiculous Seahawks secondary, I think Jordy will do well.  Andrew knew that his WRs would be weak after he spent a buttload on Jamaal Charles and Frank Gore.  I'm surprised Andrew isn't starting Hilton.


RB
This one will be an interesting matchup to see played out.  I think this will be one of the few weeks that Andrew's dump of money into his RBs won't guarantee him a clear-cut advantage at the RB spot.  It'll be a close race, but I think Andrew will still squeak out of it on top.


TE
Since whoever is Cleveland's QB aka Hoyziel won't have anyone else to throw to besides Cameron...


K/DEF
All I have to say is... Seahawks Defense.


Winner:
If Eric can pull out a victory in the RB department, this game could easily go in his favor.  But for now, I think Andrew has the upper hand.



The Pain Train v. Choux AKA Sweet Buns
QB
Let's see, Drew Brees or Andy Dalton?  Gabs is like... SO OBVI.


WR
Aaron's got Dez, but that's it.  That might be enough this week, though.


RB
Both Lacy and Martin will be facing really tough defenses this Sunday.  I'm not sold on Stacy, though, and I'm still sour on CJ Spiller.  This one will be a close one, but I'll have to give Gabs the slight advantage here.


TE
Jimmy Graham number one pick!  Julius Thomas will make it close, though.


K/DEF
Seems like a wash to me, but perhaps Tennessee's offense is worse than Miami's, so advantage Gabs.


Winner:
This one might be closer than you'd think, given the matchups.  I'm sure Gabs is hoping Aaron's autopicked players don't embarrass his reigning championship.  In Week 1.



Seenie J v. I'm Coming Home.
QB
Peyton v. Kaepernick.  Not even close.


WR
Jeff's WRs are weak, especially compared to Duke's.  I'm liking Brandin Cooks blowing up this year, too.


RB
It'll be interesting to see how Ben Tate plays out on an overall-crappy Browns team.  But Forte should be enough to tip the scales in Jeff's favor.  Especially since Duke is relying on Alfred Morris and Andre Ellington, neither of who (whom?) really turns heads.


TE
Ebron will be sharing targets with Pettigrew, so Heath Miller looks like a better start this week, IMO.


K/DEF
Go Panthers!  Duke found a replacement for Shayne Graham, even though he didn't really need to, but regardless, Jeff should still be able to score more points in this category.


Winner:
If you follow the standards set by my power rankings, this will the first upset of the season.  But that's assuming that my power rankings are actually legit and my ability to predict games is also legit.  And I'll be the first to admit that that might be assuming a lot.  AND YET YOU ARE STILL READING.



Charlotte Hornets v. Spider Pig
QB
Matt Ryan and the Falcons will be in a shoot-out with the Saints.  Right?  Sure, why not.


WR
Outside of Demaryius, Luke isn't too strong at WR.  Abraham has much more depth with Antonio Brown, Alshon, and Randall Cobb.  Definite advantage to Abraham.


RB
This shouldn't even be a question.  Adrian Peterson and Arian Foster (who probably won't get hurt yet) vs. Montee Ball and Toby Gerhart?  Ok, so whatevs it was a question.  But seriously, watch Montee and Toby blow up this week.  It's possible.


TE
I don't even want to give an advantage here, because there really isn't one to be had.  But if I had to... a slight one to Luke for a has-been Gates over Ebron.


K/DEF
Another draw here, in my mind.  So this one I'll give to Abraham.


Winner:
QB and RB FTW.