Also, this week's Power Rankings are brought to you in part by the album "Atlas" by Real Estate. I am always looking for new music to listen to, especially music I can listen to mindlessly while writing these wonderful blog posts, so feel free to make suggestions. :)
1. Unicorn Burps (1-0) [1]
I see no reason to bump his team down for its performance this past week. If Beast Mode stays healthy, he'll continue to put up solid numbers. His WRs are still some of the best in the league, and he's got some wiggle room on his bench in case someone breaks down aka DeAndre Hopkins. Brady doesn't even have to play well and David could still rack up those W's easily. There's really little reason for me to argue his spot at #1 - it should be pretty clear.
2. I'm Coming Home. (1-0) [6]
Week 1 Megatron was worth every dollar Duke spent on him. Clearly. And that Brandin Cooks - yet another great pickup at WR. Duke won't even care that he has Alfred Morris and Steven Jackson at RB if his WRs continue to dominate as they have. Kaepernick with a consistent 20 points every week? It could happen. Regardless, I'm liking Duke's WRs to carry his team farther this year than they did last year. A #2 spot is a bit generous, but I'm not sure any other team below deserves this spot right now. So it's more of a "lesser of two evils" type thing. Or... 10 evils.
3. Spider Pig (1-0) [5]
Matt Ryan is looking more and more like a ridiculous steal for Luke, if he continues to play at that level. Arian Foster, if healthy, can make Luke's starting RBs the best in the league (with A.Peterson). Demaryius will obviously put up better numbers, and if Antonio Gates can stay relatively young, he'll be a huge asset for Luke's team. But that's a lot of if's. It's still a little early to rely on those if's, but props to Luke's team for an impressive Week 1 showing. That deserves a bump up, even if 24 of those points were from Houston Defense.
4. GHOTEM (1-0) [2]
Andrew pulled off a miracle win this week, having been fatefully matched up with the worst-performing-Eli-at-QB team this week. Had he played any other team (including mine!), Andrew would have lost. We'll attribute it to beginner's luck. Some pretty significant questions loom, though, and will determine the fate of the rest of his season. Will Jamaal Charles bounce out of his Week 1 funk? Can Frank Gore actually be relied upon? What happens if Andrew has to reach for another RB? Danny Woodhead?? On paper, his team still looks very good. Unfortunately, his team gets a small bump down this week for its sorry performance.
5. The Pain Train (1-0) [3]
Gabs's RB situation all of a sudden looks pretty dismal. With injuries to both of his starting RBs (Eddie Lacy, Muscle Hamster), he really has nowhere to turn for help, and therefore his team takes a tumble in the rankings. Thankfully, he had a TON of help from Julius Thomas this week, but he probably won't be able to rely on Thomas to put up those kinds of numbers every single week. Gabs got by against a weak Chou Chainz last week, and he'll have another cushy matchup against Eli & Co. this week, but when the competition gets tougher, Gabs will need to find some more reliable RBs to boot.
6. Terrific Tortoises (0-1) [8]
In spite of the tough loss in Week 1, I'm liking David's team. He's got options, which can be a good thing, or can be a headache. David's toughest job from week to week is figuring out who to start at RB. Gio should be in there every week IMO, but that RB2 spot will be tricky to fill. Nevertheless, I think David's team has huge upside right now, and I'm confident he'll capitalize on that in the upcoming weeks. That Kelvin Benjamin pickup-then-trade is still making me sad I didn't blow all I had on him. He's going to ball out of control.
7. Password is Taco (1-0) [11]
Much sorriez for underestimating Justina's team yet again. And that face is exactly what I imagined she gave me for ranking her team so poorly. Actually, that's what I imagine she is giving me for ranking her team below David Li's. However, 32 of her points this week came from last-minute Kicker and Defense additions, which will definitely not happen every week. I'm not sold on DeMarco Murray, either. But Stafford, Joique, and Olsen are solid plays for now, and her bench has some options in case DeMarco gets hurt or she's not happy with her WRs. Yes, yes, she scored the most points in Week 1, but her team still has a lot of uncertainties, in my mind. So she doesn't get the #1 spot, but she gets a little closer than she was last week. Her team still has some stuffz to prove, though.
8. Seenie J (0-1) [9]
Jeff didn't come out of Week 1 with a W, but his team put up some solid numbers. Peyton will continue to produce, Cordarelle looks impressive, and an injury-free Forte will be solid. It's just those other holes in his roster that will push him from good to better. He has good bench players that could prove to be an asset, but similar to David Li's team, it'll be tricky to know who to start on a weekly basis. We'll see how things play out.
9. Odoyle rules! (0-1) [4]
I'm happy with how my RBs did this week. I'm not happy with who I started at WR, but I can live with it. I'm not happy about my TE or my QB. Granted, Rodgers faced the best secondary in the NFL. I'm hoping that was the only reason for his sub-par performance. If he can pick up the slack and play like a $42 QB, then I like my team's chances in the long run. #staypositive Too bad I play the Unicorns this week.
10. Charlotte Hornets (0-1) [10]
Montee Ball proved to be worth the money Abraham paid for him Week 1. But time will tell whether he can produce those kind of numbers week in and week out. A reliable RB2 may be hard for Abraham to find, and his team would definitely benefit from an upgrade at QB, but his WRs are still super solid. Unfortunately, until his team can prove their worth, he'll have to stay at the bottom half of the rankings.
11. MUSCLEhamster! (0-1) [7]
It looks like the NFL / Baltimore Ravens listened to Duke's complaint and slapped an equally-heavy if not a heavier penalty on Ray Rice and put another screw in Eric's already-struggling team. To be clear, I agree with the ruling, even though I disagree with the timing of it - it should have been done a long time ago. But that doesn't negate the fact that it sucks for Eric. On a different note, I didn't anticipate Michael Floyd doing so well in MNF. Therefore, I'll be the first to admit my folly in predicting that if Eli can keep out of the negatives, that Eric would win this week. He scored more than I thought he would, to be honest. I'm still liking Shady and Jordy, but overall... let's just say Eric's got some major re-evaluating to do.
12. Chou Chainz (0-1) [12]
I still see very little upside on Aaron's team. Andy Dalton will likely be a somewhat-reliably-mediocre QB every week. Aaron has a little more upside at WR with Markus Wheaton emerging as a producer, but his RBs are still sad, in my opinion. He's gotta wield one of his TEs in a trade for an upgrade at a position he can actually use. Good luck with that, though.
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