Power Rankings: Week 3

Week 2 brings devasting injuries and a muddle of confusion about whose team really is legit and whose team is just trying to pull a quick one.  I mean, everyone except Luke and Jeff have 1-1 records.  But I guess that's what Weeks 3-16 will hopefully clear up.  All I have to say is: VICTORY IS SWEET.

This week's Power Rankings are brought to you in part by the album "Declaration of Dependence" by Kings of Convenience.


1. Spider Pig (2-0) [3]

Luke was quick with the Asiata pickup, and it definitely helped his team this week.  With Eric Decker seeming to connect well with Geno Smith, with a solid RB lineup, and with a blast-from-the-past Antonio Gates, Luke's team seems to be in pretty decent shape, at least relative to the rest of us 1-1-ers.


2. Unicorn Burps (1-1) [1]

It was just bad luck for David's team to suffer an injury from AntawnJulius Green.  That'll set David back for the next few weeks, but Hopkins isn't a terrible replacement.  However, A deeper issue, as David realized, is the play of his QB.  Being that I'm in the I-hate-Tom-Brady-4-life club, I'm happy to see Brady underperform.  My hypothesis is that he's been doing too much in the extra-curricular department, which is preventing him from performing at a high level on the field.  Case in point:

What even is that??  Seriously, what even is that???  Classic Tom-Brady-baggery, that's what that is.  No words.  Anyways, I have doubts as to whether Romo can satisfy David any more than Brady has been trying to.  But given that David had to give up a player he was probably going to drop anyways (Hakeem's best days are behind him), I guess it's a win-win situation for David's team.  Just not a big win.  I have confidence in David's ability to hawk the waivers to fill in the gaps in his roster, so I won't make him tumble too far in the rankings.  Even if he somehow doesn't pick up anyone this week, Hopkins is already a decent plug-and-play for the next few weeks while AroniusJuansolo Green recovers.


3. Terrific Tortoises (1-1) [6]

A very impressive showing for David Li's team gives him a generous bump up.  He's got solid players at all positions except RB2.  And now he's got TWO rookie WRs to toy with on his bench while he fatefully awaits injuries from his starting WRs.  Trade bait, anyone?


4. Password is Taco (1-1) [7]

While her team didn't get the W this week, it had a pretty solid showing.  Her RBs continue to surprise, her Defense played pretty ridiculously well again, and Stafford and Olsen will be solid plays moving forward.  Her WRs, though... when Hakeem Nicks is an upgrade at WR, that should raise some red flags.  I'll give her the bump up, though, because no other team really deserves it.  Her team still doesn't look scary on paper, but it's actually getting work done - second-highest in the points-for category should count for something, right?


5. Seenie J (0-2) [8]

Jeff gets screwed over again, facing another high-scoring opponent in Week 2, but this one a lot more unexpected than Week 1.  His team has proven its ability to put up points in the last two weeks, so it'll only be a matter of time before Jeff gets some W's under his belt.  I am a little confused as to why he would spend $21 on Justin Forsett only to leave him on the bench.  But I won't criticize, because his team is in better shape than mine.  His biggest weaknesses are probably at WR3 and TE, with a tricky situation at RB2 as to who to start on a weekly basis.  He's just hoping he doesn't become Unicorns 2.0 from 2013.

I still don't understand.

6. I'm Coming Home. (1-1) [2]

So I guess we have now established that Duke's team might just live and die based on Megatron's performance for the week.  At least he might get a little more help from Alfred Morris now that RGIII is hurt and the Washington Native-American-epidermises will have to rely a little more on their run game with Cousins under center.  It'll be interesting to see where Duke's team goes from here.  Let the see-saw rankings begin.


7. The Pain Train (1-1) [5]

Ouch, ouch, ouch.  No production from Colston (shut down by the Browns??) or Martin (injured) meant Gabs's team took a huge beating this week.  Allen Hurns turned out to be the Kevin Ogletree of last season, Eddie Lacy still hasn't put up numbers worthy of the auction money Gabs put down for him, and Brees has been a bit of a disappointment (as have the Saints, which is ok by my Panther-fan self).  Gabs has next week to look forward to, in which I think his team will do better - it still looks good on paper.  But I can't just ignore Week 2's performance entirely, and if something catastrophic (especially long-term) happens again, he doesn't have much help from his bench to give him security, so I'll have to give his team a bump down for now.


8. Odoyle rules! (1-1) [9]

I'll take it.  I can't begin to describe to you how relieved I was that Maclin scored less than 15 points on MNF.  Sure, it wasn't a quality win by any objective means, but all wins are quality wins in my book.  I'll have a bit of reconstructing to do with more players getting hurt, but I'm going to ride this win for as long as I can.  Partly because of this, which was posted during the Sunday Night game:

(I didn't speak too soon!  Whew.  But that Marshall... up to no good, giving me stomach ulcers and heart palpitations.)  I'm also going to ride this win as long as I can because it might be my last one for a while, now that David probably hates my guts and will somehow manage to stealthily sabotage my team.  I know he's already scheming as I'm typing.  Hey, but I changed his photo upon his request, so now he won't feel as disgusted when he reads my posts!  :)


9. Charlotte Hornets (1-1) [10]

While Abraham's win wasn't a convincing one, a win is a win.  His WRs continue to look good, but he's going to need some major help at RB if he hopes to do any long-term damage.  At least Rivers might be a more reliable weekly play at QB now.  He seems to have hot-tub-transported back in time with Antonio Gates to 2009 or something.  And again, nice Delanie Walker pickup.  He may end up being a solid weekly starter at TE for Abraham's team.


10. Chou Chainz (1-1) [12]

Surprise of the week!  I'm not convinced his dominant showing in Week 2 can be sustained over the season, but it at least earned his team some time out of the very bottom of the power rankings.  If his RBs can continue to put up those kind of numbers, Aaron's team could continue to be a big surprise.  I'm not betting on it, though.  So until they further prove themselves, his team will stay in the bottom half.


11. GHOTEM (1-1) [4]

What is even going on here?  Behind Gabs's team, Andrew's team has scored the fewest points in the past two weeks and Jamaal Charles has combined for 4.60 points.

Andrew's going to need to do some major fantasy soul-searching asap to revamp his team and redeem it from the pits of fantasy purgatory.  Or maybe he's just cursed by being a first-year-manager, as everyone else before him has had to experience.  Well, except Jen, who probably used voodoo magic anyways, so that doesn't count (no, I'm still not over it).  But with Jamaal out, Andrew's team no longer looks very scary... unless he can do some waiver wire magic come Wednesday.

12. MUSCLEhamster! (1-1) [11]

That Jordy Nelson, giving Eric something to cheer for!  Same goes for Shady and Martellus, but to a lesser extent.  The rest of his team, though?  In case you missed it in the Monday Lulz: He had to start Shonn Greene at RB2!  And it wasn't even a bad decision!  That still amazes me.