This week's rankings brought to you in part by Beirut's "The Rip Tide" - probably my favorite album to have come out in the past 3 years.
1. Unicorn Burps (4-1) [1]
Squeaks out yet another win, but no reason to bump him off the top spot quite yet. An upgrade at QB gives him a lot more wiggle room if some of the other positions don't show up (case in point, this week), and Marshawn continues to dominate. David's team is still the one to beat - and I'm being serious in saying that. I don't know why he hates me so much for it. You'd think he'd show some more appreesh.
2. Seenie J (3-2) [3]
The only good photos I have of Jeff all put his masculinity into question, so I'll have to settle on this one until someone can give me better "Jeff-friendly" material. Fantasy-football-wise, his team made a name for itself this past week with a whopping 137.78 points, with generous contributions from the newcomers Maclin and Quick. Interesting fact: so far this season, Jeff's team is the only one that has actually scored in the top half of the league every single week. He just had some tough losses the first two weeks, otherwise he technically should have a 5-0 record...
3. Mo Murray No Probs (3-2) [4]
It ended up being a closer win than Justina probably would have liked, but a win is a win. She breaks 3-digits doing it, so I'm still impressed. Keep riding that Murray Train toot toot.
4. Terrific Tortoises (2-3) [2]
David Li's team scores a devastatingly low 69.08 points this week, and without much help from newly-acquired Trent Richardson. Not that another RB would have given him the victory. But the poor overall performance from this past week bumps his team down in the rankings. David still has a solid team, though - I'm ok calling Week 5 a dud with Gio underperforming on Sunday night, Percy Harvin getting 3 TDs called back, and Kelvin Benjamin dropping some dumb passes. I'd still be, and still am, scared of his team. He'll just have a tough time week to week figuring out who to start at RB2. Even with that problem, he should consider himself luckier at RB than some others (refer to Eric, Aaron, or Abraham's teams).
5. Charlotte Hornets (4-1) [6]
Abraham grabs the victory, shoots up to 2nd place in the league, and will be holding on to it for dear life. His RBs are still not impressive, but at least he has a short-term solution in Andre Williams, plus some waiver money to spend. Don't ask me how, but his team is getting it done. Football has become a QB and WR game, and Abraham's team is proof that its Fantasy counterpart has also become that way.
6. Odoyle rules! (3-2) [5]
Eternal frustration over Shady will define my season, I can feel it. He will be my 2013 C.J. Spiller of this year. And then I'm going to trade my soul to Jeff to get Darren Sproles, but he's going to overcharge me like he wanted to overcharge me for Peyton. Just can't win. Oh, and anyone want to donate a TE to me?
7. Spider Pig (3-2) [8]
Demaryius had his breakout game, and both Arian Foster and Antonio Gates played like they were having blasts from the past, giving Luke's team the 2nd most points this week. While it can't completely erase the previous poor 2-week showing, and it can't give Luke that every-week consistency that I'm sure he wants, it at least gives Luke some hope. Therefore, his team deserves to start its ascension in the rankings, as predicted in last week's rankings.
8. I'm Coming Home. (4-1) [7]
Duke's team ought to be 1-4, not 4-1. No bitterness here, but I'm just explaining why I'm not giving his team a bump up, but an ever-so-slight bump down. Megatron has been disappointing, and may be out for a few games, which gives Duke's team a big blow. He still has some other WRs to lean on, as well as Gronk, but he's been getting lucky with his matchups the past 3 weeks, having faced Luke, Aaron, and Eric. He'll have a tougher 4-week stretch coming up (David Li, me, Justina, David Lin) that will give his team some tough tests.
9. #SOverySHADY (1-4) [9]
Not starting DeSean Jackson proved to be detrimental, but Eric's team is definitely better than its record shows. He needs some upgrades at RB, but it might have been a blessing in disguise for him when he dumped Shady into my lap, because he now gets increased production at QB and WR while still maintaining a dismal RB situation.
10. GHOTEM (1-4) [10]
Some1 already anger.
Much lose.
0% wow.
No funy more.
Need win 4 hapy.
Jamaar Charsa ni zai narrr???
Wah Jeffry what hapen to face?
11. The Pain Train (1-4) [11]
Tough loss for Gabs - he was quietly sneaking up on Justina while everyone else was talking about the Andrew-David Lin matchup. Hauschka only needed one more FG, and it would have been a tie. A long FG, and Gabs would have won. Eddie Lacy and his breakout week gives Gabs a little bit of hope. Gabs will need a little more to get him out of this hole, though. That Muscle Hamster is doing him no good. Now that I look at his photo more, he is starting to look kind of worried.
12. Chou Chainz (1-4) [12]
Austin Davis is developing as a pretty good pickup for Aaron, but he'll need a lot more help at other positions to be seen as a long-term threat, especially with Zac Stacy and Jimmy Graham's statuses unknown.
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