I started doing Halloween candy comps, but I quickly realized I’ve pretty much exhausted all the Halloween candy I can think of from the previous 6 years or whatever. But in the spirit of Halloween coming up, I decided to go with Harry Potter Bertie Bott’s Jelly Bean Comps this year.
1. Run It Back! (Gabs) (6-2) [1]
You’d think losing Quinshon Judkins with an injury would have derailed Gabs’s week, but Jonathan Taylor scored enough points for two RBs this week. And playing the Buffalo D against an old Andy Dalton and dysfunctional Panthers offense was the right move. Even if Judkins misses time with his injury, Gabs has enough depth on his team to not skip a beat. Plus, he’s playing my sad team this week.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Marshmallow
In my humble opinion, the marshmallow jelly bean is the best flavor. Not only is it sweet, there is a little toasted flavor added in, as if you’re sitting by the campfire roasting a marshmallow for a s’more. It doesn’t get any better than marshmallow jelly beans, just like it doesn’t get any better than Gabs’s team.
2. Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (David) (6-2) [3]
Sure, David’s team lost in Week 8, but Rashee Rice appears to be the real deal, and David’s patience will continue to pay off as Stafford and the Detroit players return this week. Amon-Ra, Rashee Rice, and Michael Pittman make up a scary good WR trio. David’s overall Points For still is in the bottom half of the league, but I think in a few weeks, it’ll catch up to his league standing.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Sausage
I can’t tell if sausage jelly beans are good or not. If I remember correctly, it had a meaty flavor to it, but then a weird aftertaste. I can’t tell if David’s team is good or not. It ought to be good based on record and league standings, but Points For says not particularly. Maybe better than some of the other weird flavors, but not one I’d pick as a go-to.
3. ToInfinityandBijan! (Eric) (5-3) [7]
Eric’s team had a solid showing, but he just happened to be up against Jeff Lin’s top-scoring team for Week 8, which resulted in a loss. Eric’s team has been scoring at a pretty high rate the past 3 weeks (1st, 4th, and 2nd). His RBs don’t seem to be slowing down much, and his WR play continues to improve (although McLaurin’s injury puts a damper on that). Eric’s team should continue its ascension.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Candyfloss
Candyfloss tastes basically like cotton candy, and who doesn’t like cotton candy? Eric’s team has been solid all-around, and ought to continue to be a favorite to compete for the top spot in our league.
4. Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (Haji) (5-3) [5]
Haji’s team lost a close one to Gabs’s seemingly invincible team, but the production from Jordan Love was encouraging to see. Haji has 3 former #2 WRs turned into #1 WRs for their respective teams (Higgins replacing Tyreek, Davante replacing Puka, and Rome because DJ Moore is toast) starting for his team. All that to say, his WRs once looked mid, but have become a strong suit due to opportunity.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Cherry
Cherry is a pretty classic flavor, and is definitely one of the better Harry Potter jelly bean flavors out there. It’ll consistently rank as a top flavor if you were to do a classic Family Feud survey says. Haji’s team has been pretty consistent (1st in Standard Deviation rankings) and 2nd in Points For. But in some ways, this feels like a ruse - are his players really supposed to be that good? Similarly, the cherry jelly beans look pretty similar to the cinnamon flavored jelly bean, and those will burn your tongue (see below).
5. Lamar You Ready? (Jeff Chen) (5-3) [2]
Jeff Chen desperately needs Lamar Jackson to return. His team is on a 3-game losing streak, and even with 33 points from James Cook, 17 from Javonte, and 12 from Kittle, he still couldn’t break 90 points. Baltimore’s rest of season schedule is on the easier side, so I still think Jeff will be ok once Lamar returns, but that doesn’t negate the rough past 3 weeks, in which Jeff has scored the fewest points in 2 of those 3 weeks and 2nd fewest the other week. His team is struggling.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Cinnamon
The cinnamon jelly bean is super spicy and hot once you bite into it. But after a bit, your tongue kind of gets so numb or used to the flavor that it becomes tasteless. Similarly, Jeff’s team started off super hot, but has since cooled way down.
6. 第六 (Abraham) (3-5) [6]
Good call on starting RJ Harvey Week 8, even though Abraham kind of had no choice with his other RBs on bye. Now that Skattebo’s out for the season, Tyrone Tracy’s stock goes up, and as a result, Abraham’s RB situation has improved. If Drake London returns, that should put Abraham’s team in decent shape moving forward, buying some more time before the return of Omarion Hampton returns.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Black Pepper
Abraham’s team is 3rd in Points For, but 9th in league standings with a 3-5 record. What is it - good or bad? The black pepper jelly beans don’t sound very good, but they actually taste edible, almost with a licorice aftertaste to them. I personally don’t like licorice, but there are definitely worse flavors out there.
7. Unicorn QueenZ (Tim) (4-4) [4]
Losing Cam Skattebo was a big blow to my team. I don’t know how I’ll recover from it, given Kamara has been a shell of himself this year. I’ve decided to try and adapt the Aaron strategy where I get a bunch of backups and hope something happens to the starter in front of them, but in the meantime, my team’s outlook has taken a big hit.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Lemon
Lemon is Dumbledore’s favorite jelly bean - I think it’s supposed to be sherbet lemon in the books. I guess Dumbledore is kind of like the commissioner of Hogwarts? Anyways, my team was much more sherbet-y to start the season, and it’s looking a lot more lemon-y now without Cam.
8. chinaballa (Andrew) (3-5) [9]
Andrew’s team has strung together a pair of wins with pretty impressive showings. Picking up Oronde Gadsden provided Andrew with a big boost, and based on his (Gadsden’s, not Andrew’s) athletic profile and how he’s being used, that production should continue. Derrick Henry will benefit from the return of Lamar Jackson, and Drake Maye continues to be a great QB option. With the return of JSN, I think Andrew’s team is on the upswing.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Green Apple
Green apple jelly beans look similar to grass jelly beans, and if you don’t have them side-by-side to compare, you might mistake one for the other. Let’s just say Andrew’s team looked like grass to start the season, but I do think it’s starting to make a comeback and may turn out to be a more palatable green apple jelly bean.
9. Justina’s Team (Luke) (4-4) [11]
Luke’s / Justina’s team bounced back with a win in Week 8 after a lowest-scoring Week 7. Saquon put up impressive numbers, but unfortunately got hurt (TBD on if he’ll miss time). Luke’s team definitely has the potential to put up points, but it has just been so streaky with its performances that it’s hard to know what you’re getting on any given week.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Booger
As mentioned, Luke’s team has kind of been all over the place. He started the season off as Week 1 #HighScore, fell to lowest score last week, and had an impressive showing this week. The booger jelly bean also takes you on a ride. Just by the name alone, you’d think it would be terrible (draft was bad for Luke), but then you take a bite and maybe that taste is familiar (don’t deny it, I’m sure everyone knows what booger tastes like..), maybe it’s not so bad after all. But then.. Yeah, it’s bad.
10. Maybabyboo (Laura) (4-4) [10]
Bo Nix had another good week, but his performances are so inconsistent. Chase Brown has seen a resurgence with the arrival of Flacco under center, but if Flacco misses time with his injury, it will spell trouble for Brown. I don’t know what’s going on with the Panthers and their run game, but I suspect Chuba’s going to get fewer opportunities with how the fanbase has really rallied behind Rico Dowdle. Maybe Chuba’s not 100% healthy. Zay Flowers should benefit from Lamar returning. Overall, stacking wins has been huge for Laura, and I hope her team can take that momentum and turn it into more wins moving forward.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Soap
Soap jelly beans go from smelling kind of decent - with a florally scent - to just tasting like bitter nastiness because no one likes soap in their mouth. Laura’s team has fallen hard from its initial Week 1 promising start. At least her team is 4-4 and staying out of Sacko, but she’ll definitely need to wash away the taste of soap in her mouth from this season come December.
11. 大展鸿图 (Jeff Lin) (2-6) [12]
Jeff Lin got a statement win with Week 8 #HighScore and beating out one of the top teams in our league. Big performances from Breece Hall and Tucker Kraft helped out big time, as well as solid production from Kimani Vidal and Jaxon Dart. I question whether this production is sustainable, though. Losing Skattebo might allow teams to hone in on Dart, Breece Hall trade rumors continue to linger (which could be good or bad), and I doubt Kraft will continue to produce at such a high clip. I still don’t love Jeff’s team, but he’s admittedly done enough to keep him out of Sacko for now.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Dirt
Jeff Lin’s team has been dirt from the start. Granted, he got #HighScore this week, but I do think it was a fluke. Maybe you can find some random person who likes dirt jelly beans, but that doesn’t make them good.
12. choubacca (Aaron) (1-7) [8]
Well, Aaron’s top-scoring effort in Week 5 has faded and his team seems to be settling back in to reality at the bottom of the standings and rankings. A big part of his success was from Rico Dowdle’s 2 breakout games, but who knows how the Panthers will utilize him moving forward (even though he has looked impressive when he’s on the field). Sure, Aaron’s team still has pieces like Jalen Hurts and JaMarr Chase. But the reality is that the rest of his team is #LULZ. Week 5’s high score just provided a brief mirage.
Jelly Belly Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans Comp: Vomit
I’ve actually never had the guts to try the vomit flavor, but I can only imagine that it is disgusting and cannot comprehend why someone would choose to put that in their mouth. Why put something in your mouth that is by definition supposed to go out of your mouth? Gross.
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