1. HonkyTonkMcConkeyTime (Eric) (8-5) [1]
Eric’s team continues to look unstoppable. I honestly don’t know how he racked up 5 losses this season, given that his Points For is nearly 130 points more than the next highest team. His team has had a top-3 score in the 9 out of 13 weeks, and has only scored in the bottom half in one week. His players have pretty manageable playoff schedules, minus Lamar’s tough matchup against Pittsburgh in Week 16. So unless Eric’s team somehow stumbles that week or gets an unlucky matchup, all indicators point to his team winning it all.
PANTHERS %: 100%
SUXS %: 0%
2. FULL COMMANDO (Tim) (10-3) [3]
I feel like my team is peaking at a good time. While many of my starters are on bye this week, the pressure is off for a little bit now that I’ve secured the Regular Season Championship and a 1st-round bye in the playoffs. I’m well aware of the Commanders’ tough matchups during the FF playoffs, but I’m going to have to ride with them and hope for the best.
PANTHERS %: 100%
SUXS %: 0%
3. It’s Bo Time (Andrew) (8-5) [5]
Andrew won a nail-biter in Week 13, securing a playoff spot and also keeping his team in the running for a 1st round bye. He has the pieces necessary to go deep into the playoffs - Kyler has an easy rest-of-season schedule (if he can play up to par), and Bo’s schedule isn’t horrible either. Njoku and DJ Moore’s playoff schedules are pretty favorable, and both have been productive as of late. Derrick Henry should continue to put up points as the weather gets colder, too. So I wouldn’t be surprised if Andrew makes a run for the championship.
PANTHERS %: 100%
SUXS %: 0%
4. Maybabyboo (Laura) (7-6) [2]
Laura had a tough matchup against Eric, and it seems like her team has taken a step back in the past few weeks. Even with a loss to Gabs in Week 14, she should still be able to secure a playoff spot (unless Jeff Chen wins and scores 56 more points than her.. Or if Gabs scores 73 more points than her). But I don’t love her players’ playoff schedules - especially Joe Mixon, who she’s relied on for much of the season. Her QB situation is also not great, having to decide between Purdy and Caleb won’t be fun moving forward. Thielen may be a surprise boom play in the playoffs, and the Guerendo pickup may end up being the saving grace for her team. So it seems like a mixed bag for Laura heading into the postseason.
PANTHERS %: 99%
SUXS %: 0%
5. Spider Pig (Luke) (7-6) [6]
Luke lost in a close one to Andrew in Week 13, but he’s got a winnable matchup against David to finish the season, which should all but secure his playoff spot. Even with a loss, Jeff Chen will need to win and score 79 more points to push Luke out of the playoffs. Unlikely to happen. Luke’s QB situation is still a little tenuous going into the playoffs, but with the help of Saquon, anything is possible. Najee has a pretty bad playoff schedule, though, so Luke’s other pieces will have to step up their games to support Saquon if Luke wants to make a deep playoff run. Cortland Sutton and Puka have been solid as of late, so it’s definitely possible.
PANTHERS %: 99.5%
SUXS %: 0%
6. I am not sacko! (Jeff Chen) (6-7) [7]
Jeff Chen needs a win this week, and either: 1. Laura to lose and score 56 fewer points, or 2. Luke to lose and score 79 fewer points, or some other weird permutations that probably won’t happen. Jeff is set up for the win, but whether those other factors can play out to his favor is yet to be seen. Joe Burrow could have a monster game against Dallas, Westbrook-Ikhine has been scoring TDs left and right, Mike Evans can go off on any given week, David Montgomery is as reliable as they get, and Kittle should benefit from a weakened SF run game. So there’s still some hope, but the stars will really have to align for Jeff to sneak into the playoffs.
PANTHERS %: 1%
SUXS %: 0%
7. Love thy Naber (Jeff Lin) (8-5) [8]
Jeff Lin got a favorable matchup in Week 13 against the lowest-scoring (Haji’s) team. So while Jeff got the win he needed to secure a playoff spot, he’s been in the bottom half of weekly scoring for each of the past 4 weeks. That Josh Allen self-pass / lateral play also skews those numbers a bit in Jeff’s favor. Jeff’s Points For is lower than the next three teams sitting outside the playoff race (Jeff Chen, Gabs, and Haji). However, Malik Nabers, MHJ, and Breece Hall all have super easy playoff schedules, and Aaron Jones and Hockenson have pretty decent matchups as well. So whether those players (especially MHJ and Breece) can step up in those opportunities may decide Jeff’s playoff fate. It’ll also be interesting to see if Deebo gets utilized more now with the loss of CMC and Mason - I still get the sense that his injuries are hindering his production.
PANTHERS %: 100%
SUXS %: 0%
8. Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (Haji) (5-8) [4]
It’s been a tough season for Haji. He just couldn’t string together enough wins to make a push for the playoffs, even though he’s 5th in Points For. It just seemed like his high weeks were very high and his low weeks were very low. Kudos to him for remaining active until the end, but unfortunately this season comes to a close for him. Now all he can do is play disruptor for Sacko contention. Oh, and try to load up on potential Keepers (I see those waiver pickups for Aiyuk, Keon, Diontae, and Abanikanda).
PANTHERS %: 0%
SUXS %: 0%
9. Run It Back! (Gabs) (6-7) [9]
So you’re saying there’s a chance!? No, not really. But for statistical integrity, Gabs mathematically still has a chance of making the playoffs (a la the Yahoo obligatory 1%) - all he needs to do is beat Laura by 72.5 points this week. Stranger things have happened, I guess? I actually wouldn’t be surprised if Gabs won this week, but 72.5 points is a pretty big margin to overcome. Who knows, maybe Will Levis will have his breakout game against an easy Jacksonville D, Bowers and Tyrone Trace go for 30+ each in favorable matchups, and Cinci D pick-6s Cooper Rush twice.
PANTHERS %: 0.5%
SUXS %: 0%
10. Terrific Tortoises (David) (5-8) [10]
I feel bad for CMC, but feel worse for David. Given how poorly the season has gone for David, he’s taken it in stride and adapted nicely as the season progressed, including his Jordan Mason pickup and his bet on Indy WRs. Rashee Rice will still be a good Keeper candidate for next year, and at least David is (fairly) safe from Sacko contention.
PANTHERS %: 0%
SUXS %: 1%
11. 第六 (Abraham) (4-9) [11]
Abraham’s team really has taken a plunge since Week 8 that it could never recover from. His chances against Jeff Chen this week are not looking great, either. I don’t think I realized how bad his team was until I looked at this week’s matchup - Abraham is starting Xavier Worthy and Dontavian Wicks at WR.. eek. So Abraham will have to hope Aaron loses his game, or else it’s 5K time. And according to SUXS, Abraham’s got slightly better chances at Sacko than Aaron.
PANTHERS %: 0%
SUXS %: 52%
12. choubacca (Aaron) (4-9) [12]
Aaron’s team has been the epitome of underperformance this season. However, he may be spared from Sacko this season if he can somehow pull out one final win against a faltering Haji’s team. Aaron certainly has the pieces to do it, it’s just a question of whether those pieces will show up.
PANTHERS %: 0%
SUXS %: 47%
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