I'll be the first to admit that I haven't researched at all for this auction draft yet. To prove it, I still think John Kasay is the hottest kicker in the NFL, probably worth at least $30, amirite? But I think you will all be pleased to find out that my time has been better spent doing other things, such as finding and making awesome photos for this blog post (and future blog posts, hehe).
But let's talk some football first.
Honestly, I'm still mildly bitter and extremely confused over how I could have carefully crafted what I thought was a solid draft last year into a miserably putrid season that was more forgettable than 2001 for the Carolina Panthers (Shoutout to Chris Weinke, who by the way, had the same number of
career wins as an NFL starter as my Fantasy Football team did all last season...
2!).
Or how Jen could enter our league as a rookie owner, only use
6 waiver moves the entire season, draft freaking Knowshon Moreno in the
15TH ROUND, and manage to lose only 2 games the entire season, one of them being the championship game. Word on the street is the fantasy football anti-doping agency (aka me) was onto her, which is why she dropped out on a high. Literally and figuratively, amipunny?
Or how David Lin could score the most points for the entire season, average
114 points per week during the regular season, manage to barely make the playoffs with a 7-6 record, and finish 7th overall. I only broke 114 points once the whole season, and that was the week I scored 114.14. Ok, so maybe that's a testament to how bad my team was, but still.
Or better yet, how Luke averages 101 points per week and doesn't even make the playoffs because of his 5-8 record! I feel less bad for him than I do for David.
Wait... who won the championship last year? Was it really Gabs? #yoloswaglife
Ok, so let's update the championship count:
Regular season champions:
Luke - 3
Aaron - 1
David Lin - 1
Gabs - 1
Jeff - 1
Jen - 1
Khoa - 1
Mike - 1
Playoff champions:
Luke - 3
David Lin - 2
Eric - 1
Gabs - 1
Justina - 1
Mike - 1
Khoa - 1
"Medalists" (finished in top 3 either in regular season or playoffs)
David Lin - 10
Luke - 9
Eric - 5
Gabs - 5
Tim - 5
Khoa - 5
Jeff - 4
Justina - 4
Aaron - 3
Laura - 3
Mike - 3
Jen - 2
Lan - 2
Italics indicates the owner is no longer in our league.
After doing some research, I came to the conclusion that Luke actually did legitimately win all of his championships fair and square. I was commissioner for all of those years (2005, 2007, 2012), so there was no foul play. However, that does not discredit the fact that Luke was a terrible commissioner.
But with a new season brings many changes and a much-needed breath of fresh air. For starters, we have a new commissioner. This has given me more time to do stuff such as not research how to auction draft, so that's been appreciated.
Secondly, we have another addition to our league, Mr. Pan Yong Guan.
Don't let his seriousness perturb you. He might seem intimidating at times, but deep inside, he is actually a good guy with a soft and misunderstood heart.
LOLOLOL YEAH RIGHT. Can someone please tell me what is that even a picture of?? Anyways, I started guessing what his team name stood for - Gangster Hiphop Obeying Tyranny Enabling Megafarts?? Better yet - Girl, HO, Tim Equals Monayzzz. Those were my best guesses - any other ideas? He told me the real meaning, but IMHO my guesses were way better.
Thirdly, it looks like we'll be dabbling in the Voldemortic Dark Arts (sorry, I decided to read the Harry Potter series for the first time and am on Book 6 - DON'T SPOIL IT FOR ME) of auction drafting with FAAB waiver rules. Has anyone actually drafted in an auction draft?
I imagine everyone is hoping it will go something like this:
Whoa it's Mike Wilson circa 2006!
Eric asks, "What should I do, Mike Wilson circa 2006?"
Pondering Mike Wilson responds gently, "Eric, young Padewan, Doug Martin is not really worth $150, even though the money is fake and you could probably still get Russell Wilson with your remaining $50. Don't give up any more than $149 for Muscle Hamster, even though if you don't get him, your team would probably be utterly ruined."
...Eric continues to ponder.
Or consider scenario #2:
Whoa, it's disembodied Mike Wilson circa 2006!
Andrew asks, "Why are you touching my head? Or is that the pink air that looks like fingers?"
Pink Mike Wilson responds, "That is not of concern right now, Andrew. You must focus on securing Jamaal Charles before anyone else does."
Andrew says, "But he bang his toe!"
Floating head Mike Wilson responds, "Do not question me, Andrew. Look at the list above - I have won more championships than Tim has, and it only took me 2 years."
Andrew: "OK. I will defeating Luke!"
...Andrew eats a donut.
But we all know that's not how it's going to go down. This is actually what will happen:
Eric: "Uhhh... uhhhh... uhh..... what am I supposed to do next? Doug Martin and Russell Wilson are already taken. Maybe if I look at this sheet hard enough..."
Andrew: "Freaking Luke already took Jamaal Charles this sux I'm gonna kill him I want out zomg what did I get myself into I AM SO ANGERS RIGHT NOW!"
But in the end, it'll be all good, 'cause we all frands.
I just realized this post was mostly about Andrew, but the actual real reason for my post is the above photo of Drake and his two new friends, because it took me a good 15 minutes to make that in Paint.
