The fantasy gods smiled on some, smote others, and generally laughed at everyone’s waiver bids this week. As we hit the midpoint stretch, the standings are starting to crystallize — and some teams are realizing their preseason dreams were actually delusions. Let’s get into it.
1️⃣ I Am Not Sacko! (5-0)
W vs Run It Back! (92.8–88.6)
Jeff remains the league’s lone undefeated squad — and he’s doing it with duct tape and dynasty ghosts. His bench is a hospital wing (Kittle IR, Chubb, Mixon out), but he just keeps finding ways to win ugly. The RB platoon of James Cook and Javonte Williams is serviceable, and Nico Collins’ bye week couldn’t even slow him down. Still… rolling out Mac Jones at QB is flirting with chaos. A 5-0 start is nice, but regression might be lurking in the shadows.
🆚 Week 6: vs #surviveandadvance (3-2) — Jeff’s first real test since Week 1.
2️⃣ Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (4-1)
W vs ç¬¬å… (109.8–91.2)
Haji’s team keeps humming. De’Von Achane and Ashton Jeanty are the ultimate “track meet in pads,” while Rome Odunze and Davante Adams hold down the air game. Even with Purdy hurt and Aaron Jones chilling on IR, this team’s depth is elite. It’s not flashy, it’s just consistent production — the kind of roster that quietly builds a 4-1 record before anyone realizes how loaded it is.
🆚 Week 6: vs choubacca (1-4) — could be a 100+ point scrimmage.
3️⃣ Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (4-1)
W vs #surviveandadvance (103.2–90.1)
Taylor Swift references? Check. Wins? Check. Efficient QB play and matchup-proof WRs? Double check. Every year, there’s a team that feels inevitable — this is that team right now. They’re not putting up 150, but they win every winnable matchup, and that’s how banners get raised.
🆚 Week 6: vs Maybabyboo (2-3) — trap game potential if Taylor takes a bye-week nap.
4️⃣ Run It Back! (3-2)
L vs I Am Not Sacko! (88.6–92.8)
Gabs takes the narrowest of Ls — a brutal reminder that sometimes your opponent just lucks into 10 from a defense. Dak + JT + Kenneth Walker is a championship-caliber trio, but the WR hole is glaring. If she doesn’t fix the Brian Thomas / empty WR2 slot soon, this team’s high ceiling could turn into a playoff sweat. Still firmly in the top 4 on raw scoring.
🆚 Week 6: vs Spider Pig (3-2) — both teams need a statement win.
5️⃣ Spider Pig (3-2)
W vs chinaballa (108.3–89.4)
Andrew ran into the Spider Pig buzzsaw — a balanced roster that doesn’t scare you at first glance, then quietly hangs 110. The WR corps is stabilizing, the RBs are doing just enough, and the team looks like a wildcard contender. The pig is flying again.
🆚 Week 6: vs Run It Back! (3-2) — toss-up of the week.
6️⃣ #surviveandadvance (3-2)
L vs Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (90.1–103.2)
E-San’s “platinum but panicked” vibes continue. The team is talented — Bijan, Jacobs, Etienne — but the results don’t match the pedigree. Herbert needs to step it up, and Pitts being back in the lineup says a lot about how weird the TE landscape is. The good news? The talent’s still there; the bad news? So is the inconsistency.
🆚 Week 6: vs I Am Not Sacko! (5-0) — massive opportunity to shock the league.
7️⃣ Unicorn QueenZ (2-3)
L vs Maybabyboo (87.1–96.4)
Tim’s squad is like a Ferrari with one wheel missing. McCaffrey and Jayden Daniels are stars, but the rest of the team feels like it’s still in preseason mode. Courtland Sutton and DeVonta Smith have their moments, but they can’t carry the load every week. If Alvin Kamara returns to vintage form, this team could still make a late-season surge.
🆚 Week 6: vs ç¬¬å… (2-3) — desperate times, winnable matchup.
8️⃣ ç¬¬å… (2-3)
L vs Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (91.2–109.8)
The name may mean “sixth,” but they’re trending closer to ninth. The roster has been scrappy, and they’ve been in every matchup, but without any true weekly anchor, they’re living on thin margins. A winnable Week 6 against Unicorn QueenZ could be season-defining.
🆚 Week 6: vs Unicorn QueenZ (2-3).
9️⃣ Maybabyboo (2-3)
W vs Unicorn QueenZ (96.4–87.1)
Laura’s team grabbed a much-needed win and might have found its groove. Bo Nix looks legit, and Zay Flowers is blossoming into a WR1. The bench remains thin, but getting Jefferson back from bye soon will be massive. Don’t count out the comeback.
🆚 Week 6: vs Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (4-1).
🔟 choubacca (1-4)
W vs 大展鸿图 (91.7–76.2)
The Wookiee finally got in the win column. Jalen Hurts looked mortal early but found the end zone late, Ja’Marr Chase woke up, and Rachaad White is finally running like a man who hates committees. There’s still life here — if Hurts stays hot and Chase keeps cooking, a run isn’t impossible.
🆚 Week 6: vs Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (4-1) — good luck, pal.
1️⃣1️⃣ chinaballa (1-4)
L vs Spider Pig (89.4–108.3)
It’s not the worst roster in the league — but it might be the most cursed. Drake Maye is flashing upside, Jaxon Smith-Njigba and Marvin Harrison Jr. are future stars, and Derrick Henry is still doing Derrick Henry things… just not enough to win games right now. This is a team built for midseason chaos and spoiler runs.
🆚 Week 6: vs 大展鸿图 (1-4).
1️⃣2️⃣ 大展鸿图 (1-4)
L vs choubacca (76.2–91.7)
Rough week. The matchups didn’t go their way, and now the hole is getting deep. The roster has a few bright spots, but it’s time to shake things up before the trade deadline. Otherwise, the season might be over by Halloween.
🆚 Week 6: vs chinaballa (1-4) — loser bowl of the week.
🔮 Final Rankings After Week 5
1️⃣ I Am Not Sacko! (5-0)
2️⃣ Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (4-1)
3️⃣ Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (4-1)
4️⃣ Run It Back! (3-2)
5️⃣ Spider Pig (3-2)
6️⃣ #surviveandadvance (3-2)
7️⃣ Unicorn QueenZ (2-3)
8️⃣ ç¬¬å… (2-3)
9️⃣ Maybabyboo (2-3)
🔟 choubacca (1-4)
1️⃣1️⃣ chinaballa (1-4)
1️⃣2️⃣ 大展鸿图 (1-4)
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