2025 Keeper Projections!

For those of you who needed to complicate your decision more, here are my KEEPER PROJECTIONS with last year's end-of-year projections listed for fun.

1. Eric Keeper Projections (2024): Josh Jacobs ($29), Lamar Jackson ($27) Keeper Projections (2025): Bijan Robinson ($62), Lamar Jackson ($29) Eric would be getting pretty good deals with Ladd McConkey at $20 or Josh Jacobs at $35, but who am I kidding? Eric is too much of a loyalist to not keep Bijan and Lamar. He paid $63 to keep Bijan last year, so what’s stopping him from paying $62 this year for the projected top RB? Add to that the explosive playmaking ability of projected top-2 QB Lamar Jackson at $29 and Eric has an elite duo to build from, even if it means he only has $109 to build with.

2. Andrew

Keeper Projections (2024): Bo Nix ($5), Jaxon Smith-Njigba ($3)

Keeper Projections (2025): Bo Nix ($4), Jaxon Smith-Njigba ($15)

Andrew’s bigger names (AJ Brown, Derrick Henry, Davante Adams) might be trending in the wrong direction with injury, age, and tenuous QB situation, which means they probably won’t be great keeper values. JSN probably has the best keeper value at $15 for Andrew, and I think Bo Nix did enough to end the season to convince Andrew to keep him. Spending less on keepers will give Andrew the money he needs to draft the studs he wants.

3. Jeff Lin

Keeper Projections (2024): Breece Hall ($43), Malik Nabers ($26)

Keeper Projections (2025): Malik Nabers ($39), Josh Allen ($27)

Nabers should be a lock at $39 - a big value keeper pick even if he will likely have random QBs throwing to him throughout the season. So that leaves Josh Allen, Breece Hall, or Hockenson at the other positions for Jeff to consider keeping. Breece Hall’s future appears a bit cloudy right now, so the once-promising rising star could be descending if he is still hampered by his ACL and bad team / offense situation. I was tempted to go with Hockenson, but if Jeff really wanted him, I’m sure he could still end up drafting him for around the same price. So that leaves Josh Allen, whose value at $27 is not bad for a top-tier QB. $66 for a top-2 QB and a top-8 WR is great value.

4. Tim

Keeper Projections (2024): Jayden Daniels ($5), Trey McBride ($11)

Keeper Projections (2025): Jayden Daniels ($16), Trey McBride ($22)

Even though their keeper values have increased due to their rising stocks, it’s hard for me not to go with a projected top-3 QB in Jayden Daniels and projected top-2 TE in Trey McBride for the cool price of $38 total. Locking up those onesie positions will hopefully give me some more flexibility to spend on RBs and WRs in the draft.

5. Luke

Keeper Projections (2024): Saquon Barkley ($50), Puka Nacua ($25)

Keeper Projections (2025): Saquon Barkley ($55), Puka Nacua ($34)

Puka at $34 should be a no-brainer, even if Stafford starts the season injured. Whether Luke wants to take another chance on Saquon will be up to him. $55 is not bad, considering how dominant Saquon was last year, but the question remains whether he can continue that dominance into 2025. His projected draft value says yes, but we all know how misleading those values can be sometimes. He’ll also have to take into consideration that keeping those two players will leave him with only $111 left for AI Agent MiCah Parsons to use for roster building / trolling purposes.

6. Laura

Keeper Projections (2024): Chase Brown ($6)

Keeper Projections (2025): Chase Brown ($20)

Chase Brown should be a pretty easy decision for Laura. A young, up-and-coming starting RB in a high-powered offense ought to return many dividends. The question then becomes whether there is another player worth keeping. Kelce at $14 is overpriced. Brock Purdy at $4 is ok, but Laura could probably get similar results with $4 on draft day. Perhaps Zay Flowers will have a chance to ascend this season, and $15 isn’t a terrible price to pay for some security at WR. But I think she might be better off conserving her money to spend on better players in the draft.

7. Jeff Chen

Keeper Projections (2024): Nico Collins ($18), JK Dobbins ($11)

Keeper Projections (2025): Nico Collins ($38), George Kittle ($19)

Jeff has made it clear that Nico is his boy, so he’s a lock as keeper. Now the question is will Jeff want to keep a QB, RB, or TE? Had Jeff Chen spent the $1 (or even $2) needed to draft Drake Maye instead of the $36 he actually spent, Maye might be a decent keeper option. But alas, Joe Burrow at $9 isn’t bad either. David Montgomery at $13 isn’t terrible, especially if Detroit’s running game continues to dominate as it should. But I’d probably opt for George Kittle at $19 - it seems like a better deal for a top-3 TE. Those two pieces at $57 total gives Jeff a pretty solid foundation to work from. Let’s just try not to spend $36 on Drake Maye again.

8. Gabs

Keeper Projections (2024): Brian Thomas Jr ($4), Brock Bowers ($12) 

Keeper Projections (2025): Brian Thomas Jr ($24), Bucky Irving ($19)

Brian Thomas Jr at $24 and Bucky Irving at $19 are probably the best keeper value duo in our league. Gabs is essentially getting a top-10 WR and top-10 RB for the price of one. The question will be whether Gabs likes Brock Bowers enough to forego one of his value picks at WR or RB in order to secure the projected #1 TE at $23 (which is also a great deal). Another fun consideration is that if Gabs decides to let go of Brock Bowers, that could unleash a bloodbath when Bowers is up for drafting.

9. Haji

Keeper Projections (2024): Justin Jefferson ($59), De’Von Achane ($16)

Keeper Projections (2025): Justin Jefferson ($59), De’Von Achane ($29)

De’Von Achane at $29 should be an easy decision for Haji. Justin Jefferson at $59 becomes a little more difficult. The benefit of keeping Jefferson is that it would secure a WR1 for Haji. But if Haji is bearish on JJ McCarthy or would rather save money to spend on other players whose name might rhyme with Ferret Billson, Grease Ball, or Mustin Wields, then I wouldn’t blame him. Haji’s other options at WR probably wouldn’t be worth keeping either. Same goes for Justin Herbert and Dalton Kincaid.

10. David

Keeper Projections (2024): Rashee Rice ($5)

Keeper Projections (2025): None

The looming potential suspension for Rashee Rice makes him no longer a lock for David. With Rice expecting to miss time, is David willing to take a gamble on him? My guess is no, even at a reasonable price of $8. Amon-Ra St. Brown seems a little pricey at $59, as does CMC at $63, especially since David probably still feels the burns from last year. Jalen Hurts at $22 to secure a top-QB would be my only possible consideration for David, but I kind of want to see him start with a clean slate and bounce back big time in 2025. 

11. Aaron

Keeper Projections (2024): None

Keeper Projections (2025): CeeDee Lamb ($57), James Conner ($14)

In case people forgot, Aaron’s team was not good last year. So much so that I thought he would need to start from scratch. But assuming he has a short memory, I think Aaron might try to keep CeeDee Lamb to secure a starting WR. James Conner at $14 isn’t a bad deal, either. So maybe he’ll have some keeper pieces to work with after all. Or maybe he’ll just forget to tell me what his keepers are before the deadline (more likely possibility).

12. Abraham

Keeper Projections (2024): Kyren Williams ($23)

Keeper Projections (2025): Jahmyr Gibbs ($60), Xavier Worthy ($9)

The 2025 Sacko has some existential questions to answer: Does he want to spend up on top talents Jahmyr Gibbs ($60) and Drake London ($45)? Does he want the value of Xavier Worthy at $9 and Kyren Williams at $27? Or does he want to split the difference and go Gibbs + Worthy or London + Kyren? Not an easy decision. Option 1 would give him a top-3 RB and a top-10 WR to start with, but would also only leave him with $95 left for the remainder of his team. Option 2 would give him an RB2 and a fringe WR2/3 but would leave him with $164 to fill in the gaps. Option 3 might be the way to go. Abraham has a tough decision ahead of him.

FFNUTHANG dyNASTY Update

 I present to you, the updated FFNUTHANG dyNASTY Rankings Chart:

FFNUTHANG dyNASTY Rankings
	1st place finish	2nd place finish	3rd place finish	Points
1. Luke [1]	2005, 2007, 2012, 2022 (T), 2023	2011, 2017	2008	526
2. Gabs [2]	2013, 2016, 2018	2019	2004, 2020	353
3. Tim [3]	2019	2005, 2007, 2015, 2018	2022	234
4. Eric [7]	2004, 2024		2012, 2014	218
5. Jeff Lin [4]	2022 (T)	2020, 2023	2024	176
6. David Li [5]	2021	2014	2017, 2018	153
7. Andrew [8]	2015	2024	2019	143
8. Aaron [6]	2020		2009, 2011, 2016, 2023	133
9. Laura [9]		2004, 2008	2007	66
10. Haji [10]		2021		33
11. Jeff Chen [11]		2010		20
12. Abraham [12]				0

• Congrats again to Eric, our 2024 FFNUTHANG Champion. His championship catapulted his team’s dyNASTY ranking from 7th to 4th - by far the biggest jump of any team this past year. Now he can stop pointing to the distant past as an example of his team’s greatness (1983), and hopefully can continue his dyNASTYc climb without having to wait another 20 (or 40+) years...

• Shoutout to Andrew (2024 2nd place finish) and Jeff Lin (2024 3rd place finish). Andrew got a slight bump up from 8th to 7th, but Jeff actually dropped from 4th to 5th because of Eric’s rise. It’s worth noting that this is a cumulative points system. If I were to factor in the number of seasons played, Jeff Lin would probably be at the top. Jeff has been in the league for 5 years, and has finished Top 3 in 4 of those 5 seasons. I’m like 90% sure he’s cheating somehow. Or he just spends a lot more time on FF than the rest of us.

• #1-3 and #9-12 remain unchanged. 

• Luke retains his FFNUTHANG dominance in spite of a terrible Yahoo Autodraft. TBD if Luke wants to try and trust Yahoo’s Autodraft AI running on GPT-0.5a beta again.

• Gabs should be secure at the runner-up position for another year, but can’t fall too far into complacency / dad life after missing the playoffs for the 2nd year in a row. 

• I’m just barely hanging on to 3rd - at least I haven’t lost it by 0.2 points like I lost 3rd place last year... it still stings.

• Of the bottom 4 teams (Laura, Haji, Jeff Chen, Abraham), only Laura made the playoffs in 2024 - this in spite of returning after a hiatus and inheriting a pretty bad Steve’s team with no worthy keepers. C’mon, everyone! Especially Abraham - zero is such a lonely number.

Week 14 (Final) #PowerRankings - Keeper Projections Edition!

Thanks to everyone for another fun FFNUTHANG season! The smack talk, drama, excitement, anticipation, and twists and turns of the season don’t get old. This will be the last #PowerRankings, so I’ve included some Keeper Projections and Pre-season Rankings for comparison purposes. Good luck to no one in the playoffs except me!

1. PickensUpRussellinnn#throwback (Eric) (8-6) [1] [Pre-season Rank: 9]

Eric’s team has shown signs of vulnerability these past 4 weeks, but his team is still the team to beat heading into the playoffs. His matchups are also overall pretty good, too. So in spite of his team finishing the regular season 4th in the league standings, the championship will have to go through Eric.

Keeper Projections: Josh Jacobs ($29), Lamar Jackson ($27)

Can Eric resist the urge to not keep his superstar QB? Nah, dyNASTYs are built on the backs of QBs, so give him Lamar for $27. Bijan at $63 is a bit steep, so it would seem Josh Jacobs at $29 is a better spend. I could be wrong, though, given Eric only kept Bijan from last year and no one else. And clearly, he knew what he was doing. Shoutout to Jerry Jeudy at $2, though - maybe that’s the bargain play Eric wants to take? A lot of questions in Cleveland will need to be answered first, though. 

2. FULL COMMANDO (Tim) (10-4) [2] [Pre-season Rank: 4]

I’m just hoping for some Jaylen Daniels magic (unlikely against Philly Week 16), and maybe the surprising emergence of a backup RB or something. Like I’ve said before, winning Regular Season Champ was my main goal (actually, my main goal starting the season was to not repeat Sacko), so the rest of this is icing on the cake. I do think my half of the playoff bracket is disproportionately weighted, though. I do think Eric, Luke, and I have the three best teams in the playoffs, and only one of us will be able to make it to the final game.

Keeper Projections: Jayden Daniels ($5), Trey McBride ($11)

I was initially going to keep Jayden Daniels and Jonathon Brooks, but now that Brooks re-tore his ACL, my replacement pick has wavered between McBride at $11, McLaurin at $14, Pacheco at $21, or Jayden Reed at $5. Right now I’ll settle on securing my onesie positions, but I could see that changing if the Daniels-McLaurin stack ends up winning me the championship.

3. Spider Pig (Luke) (8-6) [5] [Pre-season Rank: 11]

Luke has the chance to go from Yahoo auto draft disaster to David-ing Eric’s Goliath on his path to THREE-peating. That was seemingly unthinkable just 6 weeks ago when his team was 3-5 coming off a 5-game losing streak. Saquon is still going strong and Puka has returned healthy, but his “others” (Sutton, Addison, Najee, Tua, and even Charbonnet) are peaking at the right time. Please someone prevent Luke from 3-peating.

Keeper Projections: Saquon Barkley ($50), Puka Nacua ($25)

I think Luke has no choice but to keep Saquon at $50 after this season. You might be able to make an argument for the 2nd keeper as Courtland Sutton at $5 or Jordan Addison at $1, but Puka at $25 still seems like a good deal, so I say Luke ends up keeping the same players again. 

4. Maybabyboo (Laura) (8-6) [4] [Pre-season Rank: 10]

Laura’s team was on some shaky ground in Weeks 12-13, but an impressive Week 14 performance has put her team on more solid ground moving forward. Laura’s hoping Guerendo can stay healthy and play, but I think Laura can buy another week without him against a struggling Jeff Lin’s team in the 1st round of the playoffs. Props to Laura for making the playoffs in her first season back! Especially given that I had ranked her team 10th in the pre-season..

Keeper Projections: Chase Brown ($6)

Mixon and Cook have both cooled a bit as of late, but I think they might still be good deals at $28 and $33, respectively. However, I think the steal at RB for Laura would be Chase Brown at $6, especially if he continues to emerge as Cincinnati’s top RB. I’m not a big fan of keeping Kelce at $25, or Caleb Williams at $5, and Laura’s WRs probably won’t be worth their prices, either. Maybe Zay Flowers at $17 or Darnell Mooney at $5, but even those come with question marks. So I think Laura just goes with the big steal at Chase Brown and relies on the draft again.

5. It’s Bo Time (Andrew) (9-5) [3] [Pre-season Rank: 7]

All of Andrew’s chips fell into place perfectly to win him a 1st-round bye in the playoffs in spite of having the 2nd worst Points For amongst playoff teams. His team will need that week off, as it hasn’t looked the greatest in the past 3 or so weeks. He does have the easier half of the bracket to go against, facing the winner of Laura v. Jeff Lin to get to the finals, so that will be in his favor. He also has pretty favorable playoff matchups for many of his key players, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Andrew ended up playing for the championship.

Keeper Projections: Bo Nix ($5), Jaxon Smith-Njigba ($3)

Bo Nix at $5 is intriguing. That’s probably a better deal than Kyler Murray at $9. If Derrick Henry can produce similar numbers next year, his value at $59 is a steal, but age is a number that doesn’t get smaller. Part of me thinks Andrew is done with AJ Brown, so even at $48 he won’t be worth keeping. And I think Andrew might end up going with value youth players, so give me Bo Nix at $5 and Jaxon Smith-Njigba at $3.

6. Love thy Naber (Jeff Lin) (9-5) [7] [Pre-season Rank: 3]

Jeff Lin lucked his way into the playoffs this year - finishing 8th in Points For - but a playoff berth is a playoff berth. The season starts anew now. Like Jeff mentioned, if Josh Allen can do Josh Allen things again, then he’s got a chance. Malik Nabers has a favorable matchup, and maybe Sincere McCormick will be the waiver pickup that changes Jeff’s season. It seems like a stretch, but he’s better off than the teams below him.

Keeper Projections: Breece Hall ($43), Malik Nabers ($26)

After Josh Allen’s Week 14 performance, Jeff may want to consider keeping Allen at QB, especially if he helps Jeff make a deep playoff run. Something tells me he’ll go with some bigger names at RB and WR instead: Breece Hall at $43 and Malik Nabers at $26. JJ McCarthy at $5 may not be a terrible option, though.

7. I am not sacko! (Jeff Chen) (7-7) [6] [Pre-season Rank: 12]

Jeff Chen didn’t make the playoffs, but he had a better-than-expected season. He didn’t get much respect from me for much of the season, but props to a .500 season when I thought his team would be in Sacko contention. He also took the high ground and actually started Burrow, maybe partly so he could avoid a losing season to tarnish his (lack of) dyNASTYc record. 

Keeper Projections: Nico Collins ($18), JK Dobbins ($11)

Nico is a lock - I know he’s Jeff’s new crush. Then he’ll have to decide between David Montgomery at $12, JK Dobbins at $11, George Kittle at $11, Joe Burrow at $8 or Drake Maye at $36. I’m tempted to go Drake Maye at $36 because Jeff always seems to do the thing that no one else would think to do, and that I least expect him to do. But I feel like Jeff also has a thing for JK, so we’ll go that route instead. Don’t be surprised if Jeff pulls another fast one on us, though. $36 for Drake Maye - so slick.

8. Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (Haji) (5-9) [8] [Pre-season Rank: 5]

Haji just had bad luck this season. If seeding was based on Points For alone, he would have made the playoffs. But his matchups were just unlucky - almost always catching people on their high weeks and not being able to capitalize on his team’s scoring ability. Parting ways with Breece was probably emotionally taxing as well, but at least he has a cheap Achane to hold on to for Keepers.

Keeper Projections: Justin Jefferson ($59), De’Von Achane ($16)

With Chuba improving in leaps in bounds and Jonathon Brooks out for at least another year, Haji has gotten a steal for Hubbard at $6 this year, and it’ll be a steal next year too. Achane at $16 is also a steal, which I think is part of the reason his trade with Jeff Lin was so appealing - it’ll be hard for Haji to choose between those 2 RBs for their value. I think Justin Jefferson at $59 will also be a good value, but perhaps not as good as Brandon Aiyuk or Jauan Jennings at $5, depending on how things play out in SF. Of course, Haji will have his pick of young WR options after loading up on Keon Coleman and Rome Odunze in the last waiver cycle. But as of now, I think he’ll settle on Achane and Jefferson.

9. Run It Back! (Gabs) (6-8) [9] [Pre-season Rank: 2]

I had high expectations for Gabs’s team to start the season, but he could just never find his groove at QB and WR. Gabs had a pretty forgettable end to the season, but he’s set up for future success with all the young talent on his roster.

Keeper Projections: Brian Thomas Jr ($4), Brock Bowers ($12) 

Gabs actually has some really good Keeper options. He went young this year in the draft, hitting on Brian Thomas Jr at $4, Bucky Irving at $1, and Brock Bowers at $12. Add a Tyrone Tracy Jr waiver pickup at $5, and that’s some promising youth at great value. Of course, we don’t know where Tee Higgins will end up next season, but I would say Gabs has good enough value in Brian Thomas Jr where I would guess that will be one of his keepers next year. The other one will likely be Bowers, given how dominant he’s been at TE in his rookie season. It’s hard to give up Bucky Irving at $1, though. And I didn’t even mention Jonathan Taylor at $36, Kenneth Walker at $27, or Garrett Wilson at $58.

10. Terrific Tortoises (David) (5-9) [10] [Pre-season Rank: 6]

Hindsight is 20/20, but David’s draft was probably a little top-heavy with a lot of capital invested in CMC and Amon-Ra, neither of which paid off. He couldn’t build much depth after spending all his draft money on those two and Jalen Hurts, and his lack of depth is probably what hamstrung him from being able to pivot from those disappointing superstars. Better luck next year, David. It was a rough one with injuries, heartaches, and frustrations galore for David, but he’s been a trooper through all of it. 

Keeper Projections: Rashee Rice ($5)

Perhaps David will have PTSD and not choose to keep Rashee Rice again. But I think that’s the way to go - $5 will be a steal for him next year. Something tells me David won’t be keeping CMC at $69, so that leaves Jalen Hurts at $24? Nick Chubb at $6? Tony Pollard at $4? It’s probably in David’s best interest to just start from almost scratch and only keep Rice.

11. 第六 (Abraham) (4-10) [11] [Pre-season Rank: 8]

Hail, the new Sacko! Abraham has been pretty quiet since officially winning Sacko, maybe he’s still in the denial stage of his grieving. The injuries were brutal. A 7-game losing streak to end the season was brutal. Sorry, Abraham. Don’t worry, next year will be better - it has to be!

Keeper Projections: Kyren Williams ($23)

Abraham will have some decisions to make. Kyren at $23 is a good deal. Jahmyr Gibbs at $60 is pricier, but my guess is he’ll still be a highly-drafted RB next year. Arguments could be made either way for London at $46, Olave at $30, and Godwin at $11, but maybe Abraham is so done with those players that he just wants to start with a clean slate. My guess is he settles on the value pick in Kyren at $23 over the better player in Gibbs at $60 and just goes from there.

12. choubacca (Aaron) (5-9) [12] [Pre-season Rank: 1]

I can’t believe I ranked Aaron’s team #1 pre-season and here we are. I’m still not 100% sure what happened besides major underperformance by his star players. Aaron still deserves this last spot, even if he technically avoided Sacko - his team was last in Points For and had to rely on luck and the mercy of Jeff Chen in order to get by unscathed. Now the question moving forward is, does Aaron want to spend up to keep those underperforming star players?

Keeper Projections: None

Aaron’s players will probably be overpriced come draft time next year: Tyreek at $66, CeeDee at $55, Rachaad White at $26, James Conner at $13, Sam LaPorta at $16, Baker Mayfield at $5. I don’t think he keeps anyone, although that seems very unlike Aaron. So if anyone, maybe he keeps CeeDee? Nah.

Week 13 #PowerRankings

1. HonkyTonkMcConkeyTime (Eric) (8-5) [1]

Eric’s team continues to look unstoppable. I honestly don’t know how he racked up 5 losses this season, given that his Points For is nearly 130 points more than the next highest team. His team has had a top-3 score in the 9 out of 13 weeks, and has only scored in the bottom half in one week. His players have pretty manageable playoff schedules, minus Lamar’s tough matchup against Pittsburgh in Week 16. So unless Eric’s team somehow stumbles that week or gets an unlucky matchup, all indicators point to his team winning it all.

PANTHERS %: 100%

SUXS %: 0%

2. FULL COMMANDO (Tim) (10-3) [3]

I feel like my team is peaking at a good time. While many of my starters are on bye this week, the pressure is off for a little bit now that I’ve secured the Regular Season Championship and a 1st-round bye in the playoffs. I’m well aware of the Commanders’ tough matchups during the FF playoffs, but I’m going to have to ride with them and hope for the best.

PANTHERS %: 100%

SUXS %: 0%

3. It’s Bo Time (Andrew) (8-5) [5]

Andrew won a nail-biter in Week 13, securing a playoff spot and also keeping his team in the running for a 1st round bye. He has the pieces necessary to go deep into the playoffs - Kyler has an easy rest-of-season schedule (if he can play up to par), and Bo’s schedule isn’t horrible either. Njoku and DJ Moore’s playoff schedules are pretty favorable, and both have been productive as of late. Derrick Henry should continue to put up points as the weather gets colder, too. So I wouldn’t be surprised if Andrew makes a run for the championship.

PANTHERS %: 100%

SUXS %: 0%

4. Maybabyboo (Laura) (7-6) [2]

Laura had a tough matchup against Eric, and it seems like her team has taken a step back in the past few weeks. Even with a loss to Gabs in Week 14, she should still be able to secure a playoff spot (unless Jeff Chen wins and scores 56 more points than her.. Or if Gabs scores 73 more points than her). But I don’t love her players’ playoff schedules - especially Joe Mixon, who she’s relied on for much of the season. Her QB situation is also not great, having to decide between Purdy and Caleb won’t be fun moving forward. Thielen may be a surprise boom play in the playoffs, and the Guerendo pickup may end up being the saving grace for her team. So it seems like a mixed bag for Laura heading into the postseason.

PANTHERS %: 99%

SUXS %: 0%

5. Spider Pig (Luke) (7-6) [6]

Luke lost in a close one to Andrew in Week 13, but he’s got a winnable matchup against David to finish the season, which should all but secure his playoff spot. Even with a loss, Jeff Chen will need to win and score 79 more points to push Luke out of the playoffs. Unlikely to happen. Luke’s QB situation is still a little tenuous going into the playoffs, but with the help of Saquon, anything is possible. Najee has a pretty bad playoff schedule, though, so Luke’s other pieces will have to step up their games to support Saquon if Luke wants to make a deep playoff run. Cortland Sutton and Puka have been solid as of late, so it’s definitely possible.

PANTHERS %: 99.5%

SUXS %: 0%

6. I am not sacko! (Jeff Chen) (6-7) [7]

Jeff Chen needs a win this week, and either: 1. Laura to lose and score 56 fewer points, or 2. Luke to lose and score 79 fewer points, or some other weird permutations that probably won’t happen. Jeff is set up for the win, but whether those other factors can play out to his favor is yet to be seen. Joe Burrow could have a monster game against Dallas, Westbrook-Ikhine has been scoring TDs left and right, Mike Evans can go off on any given week, David Montgomery is as reliable as they get, and Kittle should benefit from a weakened SF run game. So there’s still some hope, but the stars will really have to align for Jeff to sneak into the playoffs. 

PANTHERS %: 1%

SUXS %: 0%

7. Love thy Naber (Jeff Lin) (8-5) [8]

Jeff Lin got a favorable matchup in Week 13 against the lowest-scoring (Haji’s) team. So while Jeff got the win he needed to secure a playoff spot, he’s been in the bottom half of weekly scoring for each of the past 4 weeks. That Josh Allen self-pass / lateral play also skews those numbers a bit in Jeff’s favor. Jeff’s Points For is lower than the next three teams sitting outside the playoff race (Jeff Chen, Gabs, and Haji). However, Malik Nabers, MHJ, and Breece Hall all have super easy playoff schedules, and Aaron Jones and Hockenson have pretty decent matchups as well. So whether those players (especially MHJ and Breece) can step up in those opportunities may decide Jeff’s playoff fate. It’ll also be interesting to see if Deebo gets utilized more now with the loss of CMC and Mason - I still get the sense that his injuries are hindering his production.

PANTHERS %: 100%

SUXS %: 0%

8. Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (Haji) (5-8) [4]

It’s been a tough season for Haji. He just couldn’t string together enough wins to make a push for the playoffs, even though he’s 5th in Points For. It just seemed like his high weeks were very high and his low weeks were very low. Kudos to him for remaining active until the end, but unfortunately this season comes to a close for him. Now all he can do is play disruptor for Sacko contention. Oh, and try to load up on potential Keepers (I see those waiver pickups for Aiyuk, Keon, Diontae, and Abanikanda).

PANTHERS %: 0%

SUXS %: 0%

9. Run It Back! (Gabs) (6-7) [9]

So you’re saying there’s a chance!? No, not really. But for statistical integrity, Gabs mathematically still has a chance of making the playoffs (a la the Yahoo obligatory 1%) - all he needs to do is beat Laura by 72.5 points this week. Stranger things have happened, I guess? I actually wouldn’t be surprised if Gabs won this week, but 72.5 points is a pretty big margin to overcome. Who knows, maybe Will Levis will have his breakout game against an easy Jacksonville D, Bowers and Tyrone Trace go for 30+ each in favorable matchups, and Cinci D pick-6s Cooper Rush twice.

PANTHERS %: 0.5%

SUXS %: 0%

10. Terrific Tortoises (David) (5-8) [10]

I feel bad for CMC, but feel worse for David. Given how poorly the season has gone for David, he’s taken it in stride and adapted nicely as the season progressed, including his Jordan Mason pickup and his bet on Indy WRs. Rashee Rice will still be a good Keeper candidate for next year, and at least David is (fairly) safe from Sacko contention.

PANTHERS %: 0%

SUXS %: 1%

11. 第六 (Abraham) (4-9) [11] 

Abraham’s team really has taken a plunge since Week 8 that it could never recover from. His chances against Jeff Chen this week are not looking great, either. I don’t think I realized how bad his team was until I looked at this week’s matchup - Abraham is starting Xavier Worthy and Dontavian Wicks at WR.. eek. So Abraham will have to hope Aaron loses his game, or else it’s 5K time. And according to SUXS, Abraham’s got slightly better chances at Sacko than Aaron.

PANTHERS %: 0%

SUXS %: 52%

12. choubacca (Aaron) (4-9) [12]

Aaron’s team has been the epitome of underperformance this season. However, he may be spared from Sacko this season if he can somehow pull out one final win against a faltering Haji’s team. Aaron certainly has the pieces to do it, it’s just a question of whether those pieces will show up.

PANTHERS %: 0%

SUXS %: 47%