Week 5 #PowerRankings - Gemini Edition!

Week 5 #PowerRankings - The 5-0 / 0-5 Edition 🖐️

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1. I am not sacko! (Jeff Chen) (5-0) [1]

   Jeff Chen is still unbeatable, knocking off Gabs's strong team in Week 5. The Lamar injury situation is still concerning, but let's be honest, Jeff has enough depth to play Mac Jones and still win, which he basically did this week. James Cook, Javonte, and Emeka are performing like league winners, and Quentin Johnston is looking like an incredible waiver pickup. He gets Eric on his bye-pocalypse week, so 6-0 is basically a lock. Jeff is so good, he can afford to have Lamar, Nico, Stroud, Chubb, and Mixon all on his bench/IR. It's not fair.

   Trending: 🔥🔥🔥

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2. Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (Haji) (4-1) [2]

   Haji is holding strong at number two, securing a win against Abraham this week. Achane and Jeanty are an absolute power duo at RB, and the fact that Jeanty is still playing upright in the backfield doesn't even matter anymore because he's just producing. Rome Odunze is making that second-year leap you predicted, and Davante is still defying age. Jordan Love is a serviceable QB, and with an easy Week 6 matchup against Aaron, Haji should be looking to solidify his top spot.

   Trending: 📈

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3. Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (David) (4-1) [3]

   David continues to rack up the wins and climb the Points For standings, taking down Eric this week. Jahmyr Gibbs and ARSB are the motor for this team, and Xavier Worthy is giving him the big-play production he needed. Tony Pollard is a low-end RB1/high-end RB2 now that he's back on the Titans (who would have thought?), and Baker Mayfield has actually been a solid backup for Stafford. David is sitting pretty and faces Laura in Week 6, which should be another W. David doesn't care about Points For, but he's trending up on that list, too.

   Trending: 📈

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4. Run It Back! (Gabs) (3-2) [4]

   A tough loss to the league's top team, but Gabs still looks solid. Having both Jonathan Taylor and Quinshon Judkins as strong RBs keeps him in every matchup. The biggest concern remains WR, with the whole Brian Thomas Jr. situation going from bad to worse, and now he has an open WR spot. Bringing CeeDee back from IR should help if he can stay healthy. Gabs is DEEP at RB, but he needs to figure out who's going to catch passes for him, otherwise, he's going to struggle in shootouts. Week 6 is a crucial test against Luke.

   Trending: 📉

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5. Spider Pig (Luke) (3-2) [8]

   Luke jumped up three spots after finally beating Andrew! The biggest surprise this week is that Luke's team actually performed like the good team it looked like in Week 1. Josh Allen and Puka are the foundation, and with Saquon coming into his own on the Eagles, Luke looks like a true contender again. If Waddle can stay healthy, and Jacory can continue to deliver solid RB2 numbers, this team is dangerous. His Week 6 matchup against Gabs will be the biggest litmus test for Luke's team.

   Trending: 📈📈

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6. #surviveandadvance (Eric) (3-2) [5]

   Eric is tumbling down the rankings. Losing to David wasn't the end of the world, but his players are collectively just not performing up to their draft value. Ladd is still struggling, and his RBs (Bijan, Jacobs, Etienne) can't carry the whole team every week. Now he faces a bye-pocalypse in Week 6, matching up against Jeff Chen. This team is staring 3-3 right in the face, and the gap between his talent and his production is becoming too wide to ignore. Eric needs to survive this week before he can advance.

   Trending: 📉📉

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7. 第六 (Abraham) (2-3) [7]

   Abraham loses a tough one to Haji, but his team is still firmly middle-of-the-pack. Mahomes, Kyren, Pickens, and London are all giving him what he needs, and Drake London finally looks like the WR1 we all hoped for. The biggest news is that Omarion Hampton is off the IR, giving Abraham another strong RB option. He needs to activate him ASAP! Abraham faces your team (Tim) next week, and since you're coming off a loss, that's a coin flip for sure. Keep that Drake London train rolling!

   Trending: 📈

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8. Unicorn QueenZ (Tim) (2-3) [4]

   After that dominant performance in Week 4, I was expecting my team to stabilize, but a tough loss to Laura drops me two spots and to 8th place. CMC is still a god, and the emergence of Skattebo is a bright spot, but the WR corps remains weak. I need Jayden Daniels to come back and save me from the QB carousel I'm on. Tetairoa McMillan and Courtland Sutton aren't exactly setting the world on fire. I'm crossing my fingers for a bounce-back win against Abraham in Week 6.

   Trending: 📉

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9. Maybabyboo (Laura) (2-3) [10]

   Laura finally gets her second win, beating my team. What a world. The RB woes seem to be slowly resolving themselves, and Chase Brown is looking like a solid weekly start. She wisely moved off the Njoku/Ferguson TE duo to just Ferguson, and Bo Nix is a surprisingly decent QB. Her biggest problem is the dreaded Week 6 Bye-pocalypse, with Justin Jefferson, McCarthy, and her Houston D all out. She's up against David, which looks like a guaranteed loss, but hey, at least she isn't 0-5.

   Trending: 📈

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10. choubacca (Aaron) (1-4) [12]

    HE DID IT! AARON GOT A WIN! I can't believe I'm writing this, but Aaron beat Jeff Lin. I guess that's what happens when you have a QB like Jalen Hurts and your opponent is starting a ghost. Rachaad White is a decent RB, and Garrett Wilson and Ja'Marr Chase are too good to keep losing. Aaron's team still sucks, but at least he's not in last place. His reward? A date with Haji's team in Week 6. The dream is over, but that 1-4 record looks a whole lot better than 0-5.

    Trending: 💩📈

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11. chinaballa (Andrew) (1-4) [9]

    Andrew drops to 11th after losing to Luke. Derrick Henry is great, but the rest of the team is either wildly inconsistent (JSN, Deebo) or just plain underwhelming (Pacheco, Dobbins). The waiver pickup of Marvin Harrison Jr. is a silver lining, but he needs to start producing like the generational talent he's supposed to be. Andrew has a shot at redemption in the "Battle Of Who Can Suck Less" against Jeff Lin in Week 6. If he loses this one, he's in serious trouble.

    Trending: 📉

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12. 大展鸿图 (Jeff Lin) (0-5) [11]

    Oh, Jeff. I was so excited for the "Battle Of Who Can Suck Less" this week, and you went out and lost to Aaron. You are now the league's sole 0-5 team. Your team is a nightmare of underperformance and injured/suspended players (Nabers, Stroud, Burrow). A.J. Brown is a fantasy heartbreaker, and Breece Hall is just okay. The one glimmer of hope is the Week 6 rematch against Andrew. This is a must-win to avoid the embarrassment of 0-6. You need more than just Ricky Pearsall being good.

    Trending: 📉📉📉

Week 5 #PowerRankings - ChatGPT Edition

The fantasy gods smiled on some, smote others, and generally laughed at everyone’s waiver bids this week. As we hit the midpoint stretch, the standings are starting to crystallize — and some teams are realizing their preseason dreams were actually delusions. Let’s get into it.

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1️⃣ I Am Not Sacko! (5-0)

W vs Run It Back! (92.8–88.6)
Jeff remains the league’s lone undefeated squad — and he’s doing it with duct tape and dynasty ghosts. His bench is a hospital wing (Kittle IR, Chubb, Mixon out), but he just keeps finding ways to win ugly. The RB platoon of James Cook and Javonte Williams is serviceable, and Nico Collins’ bye week couldn’t even slow him down. Still… rolling out Mac Jones at QB is flirting with chaos. A 5-0 start is nice, but regression might be lurking in the shadows.
🆚 Week 6: vs #surviveandadvance (3-2) — Jeff’s first real test since Week 1.

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2️⃣ Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (4-1)

W vs 第六 (109.8–91.2)
Haji’s team keeps humming. De’Von Achane and Ashton Jeanty are the ultimate “track meet in pads,” while Rome Odunze and Davante Adams hold down the air game. Even with Purdy hurt and Aaron Jones chilling on IR, this team’s depth is elite. It’s not flashy, it’s just consistent production — the kind of roster that quietly builds a 4-1 record before anyone realizes how loaded it is.
🆚 Week 6: vs choubacca (1-4) — could be a 100+ point scrimmage.

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3️⃣ Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (4-1)

W vs #surviveandadvance (103.2–90.1)
Taylor Swift references? Check. Wins? Check. Efficient QB play and matchup-proof WRs? Double check. Every year, there’s a team that feels inevitable — this is that team right now. They’re not putting up 150, but they win every winnable matchup, and that’s how banners get raised.
🆚 Week 6: vs Maybabyboo (2-3) — trap game potential if Taylor takes a bye-week nap.

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4️⃣ Run It Back! (3-2)

L vs I Am Not Sacko! (88.6–92.8)
Gabs takes the narrowest of Ls — a brutal reminder that sometimes your opponent just lucks into 10 from a defense. Dak + JT + Kenneth Walker is a championship-caliber trio, but the WR hole is glaring. If she doesn’t fix the Brian Thomas / empty WR2 slot soon, this team’s high ceiling could turn into a playoff sweat. Still firmly in the top 4 on raw scoring.
🆚 Week 6: vs Spider Pig (3-2) — both teams need a statement win.

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5️⃣ Spider Pig (3-2)

W vs chinaballa (108.3–89.4)
Andrew ran into the Spider Pig buzzsaw — a balanced roster that doesn’t scare you at first glance, then quietly hangs 110. The WR corps is stabilizing, the RBs are doing just enough, and the team looks like a wildcard contender. The pig is flying again.
🆚 Week 6: vs Run It Back! (3-2) — toss-up of the week.

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6️⃣ #surviveandadvance (3-2)

L vs Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (90.1–103.2)
E-San’s “platinum but panicked” vibes continue. The team is talented — Bijan, Jacobs, Etienne — but the results don’t match the pedigree. Herbert needs to step it up, and Pitts being back in the lineup says a lot about how weird the TE landscape is. The good news? The talent’s still there; the bad news? So is the inconsistency.
🆚 Week 6: vs I Am Not Sacko! (5-0) — massive opportunity to shock the league.

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7️⃣ Unicorn QueenZ (2-3)

L vs Maybabyboo (87.1–96.4)
Tim’s squad is like a Ferrari with one wheel missing. McCaffrey and Jayden Daniels are stars, but the rest of the team feels like it’s still in preseason mode. Courtland Sutton and DeVonta Smith have their moments, but they can’t carry the load every week. If Alvin Kamara returns to vintage form, this team could still make a late-season surge.
🆚 Week 6: vs 第六 (2-3) — desperate times, winnable matchup.

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8️⃣ 第六 (2-3)

L vs Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (91.2–109.8)
The name may mean “sixth,” but they’re trending closer to ninth. The roster has been scrappy, and they’ve been in every matchup, but without any true weekly anchor, they’re living on thin margins. A winnable Week 6 against Unicorn QueenZ could be season-defining.
🆚 Week 6: vs Unicorn QueenZ (2-3).

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9️⃣ Maybabyboo (2-3)

W vs Unicorn QueenZ (96.4–87.1)
Laura’s team grabbed a much-needed win and might have found its groove. Bo Nix looks legit, and Zay Flowers is blossoming into a WR1. The bench remains thin, but getting Jefferson back from bye soon will be massive. Don’t count out the comeback.
🆚 Week 6: vs Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (4-1).

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🔟 choubacca (1-4)

W vs 大展鸿图 (91.7–76.2)
The Wookiee finally got in the win column. Jalen Hurts looked mortal early but found the end zone late, Ja’Marr Chase woke up, and Rachaad White is finally running like a man who hates committees. There’s still life here — if Hurts stays hot and Chase keeps cooking, a run isn’t impossible.
🆚 Week 6: vs Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (4-1) — good luck, pal.

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1️⃣1️⃣ chinaballa (1-4)

L vs Spider Pig (89.4–108.3)
It’s not the worst roster in the league — but it might be the most cursed. Drake Maye is flashing upside, Jaxon Smith-Njigba and Marvin Harrison Jr. are future stars, and Derrick Henry is still doing Derrick Henry things… just not enough to win games right now. This is a team built for midseason chaos and spoiler runs.
🆚 Week 6: vs 大展鸿图 (1-4).

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1️⃣2️⃣ 大展鸿图 (1-4)

L vs choubacca (76.2–91.7)
Rough week. The matchups didn’t go their way, and now the hole is getting deep. The roster has a few bright spots, but it’s time to shake things up before the trade deadline. Otherwise, the season might be over by Halloween.
🆚 Week 6: vs chinaballa (1-4) — loser bowl of the week.

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🔮 Final Rankings After Week 5

1️⃣ I Am Not Sacko! (5-0)
2️⃣ Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (4-1)
3️⃣ Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (4-1)
4️⃣ Run It Back! (3-2)
5️⃣ Spider Pig (3-2)
6️⃣ #surviveandadvance (3-2)
7️⃣ Unicorn QueenZ (2-3)
8️⃣ 第六 (2-3)
9️⃣ Maybabyboo (2-3)
🔟 choubacca (1-4)
1️⃣1️⃣ chinaballa (1-4)
1️⃣2️⃣ 大展鸿图 (1-4)

Week 4 #PowerRankings - Trending Edition

1. I am not sacko! (Jeff Chen) (4-0) [1]

Jeff Chen’s team continues its dominance in Week 4. But with Lamar out for possibly the next few weeks, and Tyreek out the rest of the season (injury replay not for the faint of heart), Jeff’s depth will be tested in the next few weeks, especially against a strong Gabs’s team in Week 5. But props on hitting with James Cook, Javonte, Emeka, and the Quentin Johnston waiver pickup. Those players should be enough to continue Jeff’s win streak. 

Trending: 🔥🔥🔥

2. Run It Back! (Gabs) (3-1) [2]

Bucky Irving’s injury is concerning, but Gabs is DEEP at RB - Quinshon Judkins is a more than capable replacement, and JK Dobbins hasn’t been too shabby either. I don’t know where things stand with Dak or Goff - both seem to be inconsistent plays, yet capable of big weeks. And Gabs’s Brian Thomas situation hasn’t gotten much better, but I think he’ll just have to keep rolling with him until he finds some better option. Maybe Marvin Harrison will step it up? But Gabs’s strength at RB will keep his team competitive.

Trending: 📈

3. Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (Haji) (3-1) [7]

Haji’s team was dominant in Week 4. It was an all-around strong performance. His team has been pretty solid (Odunze, Davante, Tyler Warren, Achane), but I feel like Jeanty was the weak link prior to Week 4. Now that Jeanty has finally played up to his draft value, Haji’s team is on the rise - I guess switching his stance made a difference? He does look weird just standing upright in the backfield, but Haji doesn’t care as long as the points keep rolling in. Jeanty’s arrival gives Haji’s team a big boost in the positive direction.

Trending: 📈📈

4. Unicorn QueenZ (Tim) (2-2) [3]

Jayden Daniels needs to come back soon, and if he finally plays this week, that’ll help my team stabilize at the QB position. Not that Daniels would have helped me against Haji’s dominant Week 4 performance, but playing waiver QB pick-em is no fun. CMC continues to be my (healthy) workhorse, and I’ve liked the emergence of Skattebo, but I haven’t been so psyched about Kamara’s (lack of) production and still not having a strong WR corps. 

Trending: 📉📈

5. #surviveandadvance (Eric) (3-1) [4]

I’m a bit concerned about Ladd. He’s just not getting the job done for whatever reason. Eric’s other WRs aren’t much to write about, either. He’s been relying pretty heavily on his RBs (all 3 starters Bijan, Jacobs, and Etienne have been outstanding) but his other players haven’t provided much production after Week 1. And now with Eric’s Week 5 bye-pocalypse, Eric’s team looks to continue trending down for another week.

Trending: 📉

6. Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (David) (3-1) [5]

David’s team had a solid week, but was up against a tough opponent in Week 4 v. Gabs. David will need more help from his non-Lions players. I don’t see much promise in Tony Pollard, but I think the future is brighter for Baker Mayfield, Xavier Worthy (short term), Michael Pittman, and Juwan Johnson. I think David’s team is trending in the right direction after a rought Week 1.

Trending: 📈

7. 第六 (Abraham) (2-2) [9]

Abraham’s team posted another monster week in Week 4, and all signs are pointing in a positive direction. Omarion Hampton continued to put up big numbers, Drake London finally gave a WR1-worthy performance, George Pickens will continue to eat with CeeDee out, and Jordan Addison is still good. Mahomes had a great week, but I’m not sure if that’s because Baltimore’s D is bad or Mahomes is back. But Abraham’s team is definitely on the rise.

Trending: 📈📈 

8. Spider Pig (Luke) (2-2) [6]

Josh Allen and Puka have been incredible. But the reason why Luke got the victory this week was because he was playing Aaron. Luke’s team actually didn’t perform very well, and has been in a slump since Week 1 #HighScore. Waddle’s usage should hopefully increase with Tyreek out (that is, if he can stay healthy himself). Jacory doesn’t seem to be the exciting prospect he once was, Hockenson hasn’t been consistent, and Luke doesn’t have much depth. So in spite of the win, his team gets bumped down in the rankings until it can prove it deserves otherwise.

Trending: 📉

9. chinaballa (Andrew) (1-3) [8]

Andrew’s patience with Woody Marks may finally be paying off. Just last week I listed him as a “Keep” candidate (not that Andrew was considering dropping him), and Week 4 he exploded with 2 TDs. Andrew’s team still has weak spots, though, especially with Derrick Henry’s inconsistency so far this season. Picking up Demercado was a good play to help bolster his weaker RB room.

Trending: 📈 📉 

10. Maybabyboo (Laura) (1-3) [10]

Laura’s team put up another disappointing week, with mostly her RBs to blame. What was once a seemingly solid group of reliable RBs has become her weakness. I can see a pathway for Chuba to do better, but with Trey Benson on IR (only a week after James Conner goes out) and Chase Brown and the Bengals offense struggling, there is reason to worry Laura’s team is headed in the wrong direction.

Trending: 📉📉

11. 大展鸿图 (Jeff Lin) (0-4) [11]

Jeff Lin’s team has been plagued with underperformance and injuries. At least with Nabers out for the season, Jeff knows how to pivot, but what does he do with AJ Brown? You have to start him to catch performances like Week 3, but the other 3 weeks so far this season have been atrocious for someone who’s supposed to be an elite receiver. At least his team outscored Aaron’s team in Week 4. I’m already getting the popcorn ready for Week 5’s “Battle Of Who Can Suck Less.”

Trending: 📉📉📉

12. choubacca (Aaron) (0-4) [12]

I just looked at Aaron’s team to try and analyze it, and all I could do was laugh. Maybe we should make a rule that Aaron can include all of his bench points in every matchup - at least that might make the matchups slightly more competitive. I propose we call it the “I don’t care who you start” rule, brought to you by Gabs. But instead of swapping players from the bench to a starting position after the games have started, Aaron can just add all of his starters points and all of his bench points and that will just count as his team’s total score for that week. Oh wait, if he did that this past week, he still would have lost to Luke. BUT if we retroactively applied this rule to Weeks 1-3, Aaron would then be 1-3, with his lone win against Jeff Chen, beating him by 1 point. Seems fair to me.

Trending: 💩💩💩