Week 13 #PowerRankings - PANTHERS & SUXS Edition

I brought out the PANTHERS & SUXS a little late this season, but I guess better late than never right? As a reminder: PANTHERS = Postseason Analytical NU THANG Happy Endings Real Statistic aka % chance of making playoffs. And SUXS = Sacko Unfortunate eXit Statistic aka % chance of being Sacko. GOOD LUCK TO ALL THOSE WHO NEED IT.

1. Run It Back! (Gabs) (9-4) [2]

Gabs’s team is set up for success in the playoffs. He’s all but secured a 1st round bye with the highest Points For, and is the favorite to win Regular Season Champ, assuming his team performs as expected in Week 14. While TE has been a weak spot for him for much of the season, Gabs snagging Darren Waller from waivers last week may end up being the move that wins him the Playoff championship. The Houston D pickup should pay dividends as well.

PANTHERS %: 100%

SUXS %: 0%

2. Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (David) (9-4) [1]

David’s team has been see-sawing the past month, going from one of the top scorers to one of the lowest scorers every other week. Losing Amon-Ra for who knows how long will be a big blow, and will likely prevent David from winning his 2nd Regular Season Championship in 5 years. Honestly, given the difficult matchups David’s players are facing this week, even the 1st round bye is not fully secure. He’ll need ARSB to return soon to stand a chance at going far in the playoffs, especially given the difficult schedules his main players have in Weeks 16-17.

PANTHERS %: 100%

SUXS %: 0%

3. Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (Haji) (8-5) [3]

Haji is still in contention for a 1st round bye, but with CMC on bye, it’ll be an uphill battle. Stranger things have happened, but at least if he can’t secure the 1st round bye, the Week 15 matchups are pretty favorable for Haji’s main players. Even into Weeks 16-17, Haji has some manageable matchups as well. If CMC + Achane + Davante can stay healthy, the sky is the limit for Haji. I’m actually very surprised in a season with so many injuries that CMC has stayed healthy with his usage. One of the reasons I was willing to trade CMC away was because I was betting on him getting injured at some point this season, but he’s been an absolute tank.

PANTHERS %: 100%

SUXS %: 0%

4. ToInfinityandBijan! (Eric) (7-6) [4]

Eric has pretty much secured a playoff spot with his high Points For. The only way Eric doesn’t make the playoffs is:

1. Eric loses to Gabs AND either:

1. Abraham beats Luke AND scores 36 more points than Eric AND Jeff Chen beats Aaron AND scores 80 points more than Eric OR

2. Luke beats Abraham AND either Jeff Chen wins AND scores 80 more points than Eric OR Andrew wins and scores 95 more points than Eric

Clear as mud? I mean, while it’s technically possible for Eric to get bumped out of the playoffs, realistically Eric’s PANTHERS % should be 100%. Eric’s team has been somewhat up and down throughout the season, so he’ll need to find some stability going into the playoffs, hopefully from his RB room. If he can make it past the 1st round, I think Week 16 will be a bloodbath for whoever Eric faces: Herbert + Ladd vs. Cowboys and Bijan vs. Arizona should translate to lots of production.

PANTHERS %: 99%

SUXS %: 0%

5. Unicorn QueenZ (Tim) (8-5) [6]

I’m still not completely over my team’s Week 12 loss to Jeff Chen. I think it cost me a potential 1st round bye, which my team desperately needs. If Omarion Hampton can get healthy before the playoffs, I like his chances of being the X-factor that gives me an edge in the postseason. Otherwise, it’s just a hope for the best situation, given the stiff competition out there.

PANTHERS %: 100%

SUXS %: 0%

6. 第六 (Abraham) (6-7) [7]

With a win, Abraham will have enough Points For to beat out Luke for the last playoff spot. This is assuming Jeff Chen or Andrew’s teams don’t score 47 and 70 more points (respectively) than Abraham’s team. Abraham’s key players (Pickens, Love, Kyren) all have favorable matchups. Addison (and the whole Minnesota offense) will be a liability, so Drake London’s health may be the deciding factor with TMac on bye. It’s a tough call, but I’m going to give Abraham the slight nod in this game. This will be the matchup to follow in Week 14.

PANTHERS %: 50%

SUXS %: 0%

7. Spider Pig (Luke) (7-6) [5]

Luke just needs a win and he’ll clinch a playoff spot. Whether that will happen against Abraham is TBD. I think Luke’s chances are really a toss-up. Josh Allen has a favorable matchup vs. Cinci, Puka and Olave have been producing at a high clip, and I’m assuming Luke is starting Washington D against a dilapidated Minnesota offense. But on the flip side, Saquon has been atrocious as of late, Monangai has gotten more opportunities but faces a tough Packers D, and Waddle is up against the Jets D. I’m pretty excited to see what happens here to determine who gets the last playoff spot.

PANTHERS %: 48%

SUXS %: 0%

8. I am not sacko! (Jeff Chen) (6-7) [8]

While Jeff Chen is statistically still in the playoff hunt, he’s realistically only playing to doom Aaron to Sacko. Jeff would need to beat Aaron and score 47 more points than Abraham, PLUS an Abraham victory over Luke to secure a playoff spot. This wouldn’t have sounded unreasonable in Week 4, but Lamar appears to be playing through a lingering injury, which has caused Jeff’s team to plummet. It’s possible James Cook explodes against Cinci, but Jeff will need more than just that to go on a scoring rampage this week. At least I like his chances of beating Aaron, which bodes well for Laura.

PANTHERS %: 2%

SUXS %: 0%

9. chinaballa (Andrew) (6-7) [9]

Similar to Jeff Chen, Andrew still is statistically in the playoff hunt, but has a much smaller chance given his lower Points For. He really needed the win against Eric to keep his playoff hopes alive. I feel like Andrew was inching closer to being the favorite to win that matchup at halftime of the MNF game, but then New England just stopped scoring after that. Andrew has probably all but checked out at this point, given he hasn’t updated his roster to bench his players on bye for Week 14. I don’t see David complaining.

PANTHERS %: 1%

SUXS %: 0%

10. choubacca (Aaron) (3-10) [10]

Aaron pulled out the unlikely win against David to keep his hopes of not being Sacko alive, much thanks to Amon-Ra’s early exit from the Thanksgiving game. It’s very possible Brock Bowers, Ja’Marr Chase, and Jalen Hurts can keep Aaron out of Sacko, but even with a weakened Lamar, I predict Jeff Chen’s team will prevail. I will say, I have been impressed Aaron has still stayed engaged throughout the season given how ugly his team looked at the beginning of the season. Aaron was able to capitalize on some injuries and opportunities to find some hidden gems and stayed active enough on waivers to cash in on players like Rico Dowdle, Kareem Hunt, Kenneth Gainwell, and Michael Wilson - at least to give him enough Points For to give him a glimmer of hope with one game left in the season.

PANTHERS %: 0%

SUXS %: 53%

11. The IR-Relevant Team (Jeff Lin) (5-8) [11]

Jeff Lin is just playing for pride at this point, with a 0% PANTHERS and 0% SUXS. It was a rough year for Jeff, and even his FF prowess could not save him from the injuries and mishaps his team faced this season. At least his smack talk / engagement was still active, so A+ for entertainment value.

PANTHERS %: 0%

SUXS %: 0%

12. Maybabyboo (Laura) (4-9) [12]

I really do think the Jacoby Brissett / Bhayshul Tuten trade between Laura and Haji will be what keeps Laura out of Sacko this year. Jacoby will be up against a tough LA Rams D, but he’s been on a tear, and the Rams secondary was embarrassed by Bryce Young last week. Chase Brown has been playing well, and Allgeier is primed to vulture a TD at any point in the game. Jayden Higgins has been a Flex-worthy player, and I believe Justin Jefferson will get more targets and will inevitably do better this week. I think those 5 players (plus CMC on bye) will be just enough to earn Laura a Week 14 win. Confession time: I feel partially responsible for how bad Laura’s team has done this season because I helped her draft her team. While I tried really hard to land her James Cook since she had him last year, I clearly didn’t try hard enough (Jeff’s ridiculous draft money hoarding habit / scheme actually worked this time), my gamble on the JJ McCarthy + Justin Jefferson stack fell flat on its face, and I thought Chuba and Zay Flowers would be much better than they actually were. So now as an act of penance, I am speaking a Sacko-less season into existence for her. Amen.

PANTHERS %: 0%

SUXS %: 47%

Week 12 Thanksgiving Awards #PowerRankings

I just stuck with the basic Thanksgiving dishes this year - didn’t get cute with any Thanksgiving / turkey alternatives. It had been a while since doing the traditional dishes, so I’m actually now looking forward to a traditional meal tomorrow - Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

1. Deep Fried Turkey = Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (David) (9-3) [3]

We all know this is the superior way to cook turkey. The skin is crispy, the meat is not dry, and it’s so much quicker than roasting in the oven. David’s team has really set itself apart from the rest of the league this year. It started off slow, but with a season-high 177.72 points last week, David has shown his team is the star of the season.

2. Ham = Run It Back! (Gabs) (8-4) [1]

Ham > Turkey, prove me wrong. It’s also hard to mess up ham - just heat it up in the oven. You can’t really undercook it or overcook it, so you get a pretty consistent product regardless of cooking method. While David has been on a pretty hot streak in the latter half of the season, Gabs’s team has been the most consistently successful throughout the course of the season.

3. Pumpkin Pie = Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (Haji) (8-4) [2]

Pumpkin Pie is the classic meal finisher. It’s not a proper Thanksgiving without Pumpkin Pie to top things off, and a good Pumpkin Pie means a strong finish to dinner. Haji’s team is going to finish the season strong with games against Jeff Lin and Laura. It honestly doesn’t get any easier than that - easy as pie, you could say.

4. Green Bean Casserole = ToInfinityandBijan! (Eric) (6-6) [6]

I’ve had awesome Green Bean Casseroles and I’ve had nasty Green Bean Casseroles. The good ones have all that crispy onion goodness on top, the green beans are just the right texture, the mushroom flavor doesn’t dominate the casserole, and it’s just pure deliciousness. Then I’ve had green bean mush, or undercooked / raw green beans, or no crispy onions, or too much cream of mushroom. And everything in between. Eric’s team has been all over the place this season. Some weeks his team looks unbeatable, other weeks he gets one of the lowest scores, and other weeks he’s just middle of the road. You never know what you’re going to get, but it always pushes for a prominent place at the dinner table (i.e. a playoff spot).

5. Mashed Potatoes = Spider Pig (Luke) (7-5) [5]

I get that some people love their Mashed Potatoes, but to me, Mashed Potatoes is a very plain side dish. It’s a necessary carb, and when done well, really adds to the meal. But I’m not going into Thanksgiving looking forward to the mashed potatoes. Luke’s team has been pretty middle-of-the-road the whole season - nothing impressive, but nothing devastating, but enough to likely earn a spot in the playoffs.

6. Gravy = Unicorn QueenZ (Tim) (7-5) [4]

Gravy unites the many dishes of Thanksgiving together. Gravy on turkey? Good. Gravy on Mashed Potatoes? Good. Gravy on roasted veggies? Good. Accidental gravy on Mac n Cheese, Ham, or Rolls? Good. My team isn’t going to blow anyone away and isn’t the star of the show, but I also realize I am the gravy that holds the whole meal together.

7. Corn Casserole = 第六 (Abraham) (5-7) [7]

Corn Casserole gets overlooked at Thanksgiving. It’s not a star of the meal, nor is it even a 2nd cousin. Side dishes like Mac n Cheese, Mashed Potatoes, and Green Bean Casserole kind of take the spotlight for side dishes. Thinking back to Thanksgiving meals, I’ve never had a memorable Corn Casserole. I feel like Abraham’s team is going to be the best team left out of the playoffs this year, and the season will end up being an unmemorable one for him.

8. Sweet Potato Casserole = Lamar You Ready? (Jeff Chen) (6-6) [8]

Sweet Potato Casserole is really good for the first bite. More than 3 bites is way too much for me. Jeff Chen’s season started off incredibly sweet like the marshmallow topping of a sweet potato casserole. But after Week 5, it was barf city because one can only eat so much sweet potato casserole before it comes back up.

9. Dinner Rolls = chinaballa (Andrew) (6-6) [9]

Dinner Rolls will rarely steal the show of a Thanksgiving meal. But they are a consistent and necessary carb in the meal. Andrew’s team hasn’t been stellar, but it hasn’t been extremely bad, either. His team actually ranks 1st in Standard Deviation rankings, meaning it has been pretty consistent throughout the season. In fact, he’s the only team that hasn’t had either the #HighScore or the #LowScore all season.

10. Cranberry Sauce = choubacca (Aaron) (2-10) [11]

I don’t think I eat cranberry sauce at any point in the year besides Thanksgiving. As infrequent as Aaron shows up in our league, it’s like he’s forgotten about his team the same way we forget about cranberry sauce the rest of the year. And yet he still somehow puts up 120+ points every so often out of nowhere just to make sure his presence is felt. I guess some weeks the cranberry sauce comes out of a can and some weeks it is homemade and actually decent tasting.

11. Burnt Stuffing = The IR-Relevant Team (Jeff Lin) (4-8) [10]

The Stuffing is what makes the turkey edible. It’s delicious by itself as well, and oftentimes is what people look forward to in their Thanksgiving meal. It’s typically pretty consistent and hard to mess up if made out of the box. Jeff Lin has been one of the more consistently successful teams in our league over the years, but this year has not been his year at all. His normally consistent Stuffing team has been burnt and inedible this season. Throw out this season, better luck next year.

12. Brussels Sprouts = Maybabyboo (Laura) (4-8) [12]

Everyone needs some roughage in their Thanksgiving meal, and that’s what the Brussels Sprouts are for. Doesn’t taste great, but it does the job. Laura has provided the roughage we all need this season by giving us an easy matchup when we play her team. Thanks for making our tummies feel better, Laura.

Week 11 #PowerRankings - Trade Deadline Edition!

With our FFNUTHANG Trade Deadline approaching (Saturday, November 22), this week will be the last week for teams to make those final trades to set them up for playoff contention or to avoid Sacko contention. So I’ve included some suggestions for trades in this week’s #PowerRankings to hopefully help facilitate those trade talks. I’ve also started feeling a little verklempt, seemingly being the only one pestering people with trade offers - so please talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic. FFNUTHANG is neither NU nor is it a THANG. Discuss.

1. Run It Back! (Gabs) (8-3) [2]

Gabs’s team had another strong week, surviving Jonathan Taylor’s bye with the MNF Dak-CeeDee stack to earn his team the win. JT’s bye is now over with, but Indy has a difficult rest-of-season schedule for RBs. Will it matter? Probably not - Taylor’s been on fire this season, and Gabs’s rest-of-season schedule is one of the easier ones, with Andrew, Laura, and Eric to finish the season. Regular Season Champ is Gabs’s to lose.

Trade Away: Nothing

Trade For: Nothing. No need to fix what’s not broken.

2. Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (Haji) (7-4) [3]

Haji gets Week 11 #HighScore off the back of another monster CMC game and a bold start of Jacoby Brissett. Brissett looks like a solid weekly starter moving forward, and as long as CMC and Achane remain healthy, Haji’s RB room is rock solid and has a very easy playoff schedule for RBs. Davante Adams, Alec Pierce, and Tyler Warren (in spite of being on the same team) make up a solid receiving group, too. Add on the fact that Haji’s got the easiest rest-of-season schedule (Luke, Jeff Lin, Laura), and I think Haji’s got a strong chance at competing for Regular Season Champ.

Trade Away: Purdy or Brissett. Rostering both seems redundant, and it’s possible a QB-needy team will be willing to give up a Flex-worthy WR for one of them. Maybe paired with Loveland or Jayden Reed?

Trade For: WR. Haji lacks start-worthy depth at WRs, as shown by him Flexing Adonai Mitchell this week.

3. Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (David) (8-3) [1]

David had some bad luck with Amon-Ra and Rashee Rice playing poorly on Sunday. As I was afraid of before, Kelce vultured valuable targets from Rice in a lower-scoring game. David’s team still has the pieces to be a threat, but Week 11 showed that his team is still beatable. Abraham might give him another run for his money this week, but David finishes the season playing Aaron and Andrew, which should be winnable matchups.

Trade Away: QB + TE combo. While David doesn’t have any players he can easily part ways with, I think there is a market in our league for a QB + TE combo (such as Baker + Otton or Stafford + Theo Johnson)

Trade For: RB3 / Flex RB. Tony Pollard feels like insufficient insurance for David if something happens to Gibbs or Warren. Finding someone he can flex in a pinch or fill in at RB2 following an injury seems pretty crucial if David’s expecting to withstand any mishaps at RB.

4. Unicorn QueenZ (Tim) (7-4) [5]

My game vs. David ended up being way closer than it needed to be. The week I finally decide to bench TMac is when he decides to explode. Also, what am I doing wasting all of Jameson Williams’s points on the bench these past 3 weeks? I had too many WRs to know what to do, and was shopping them around (probably to people’s annoyance) for a QB. Just yesterday, I would have said I need to trade a WR for a QB or some RB depth. But now thanks to Abraham, I was able to upgrade Jordan Love to Mahomes and build a little depth at RB with Hampton. Yes, I lost the only Carolina Panther I had on my team (and along with that, I lost some WR depth), and I lost the incredible $3 draft value of Cam Skattebo, but hopefully this will set me up well for the playoffs. Maybe I’m already looking too far ahead, but my rest-of-season schedule (Jeff Chen, Luke, Jeff Lin) should hopefully be cush enough to make it to the playoffs. 

Trade Away: None anymore..

Trade For: None

5. Spider Pig (Luke) (7-4) [6]

The Josh Allen explosion game finally happened after a seemingly-long hiatus since Week 1. Not that Josh Allen has been terrible, but I would have expected more than three 30+ point games from him as the overall #1 QB. Luke has a tough matchup against Haji this week, followed by me and Abraham to finish the season. Winning one of those games should secure him a spot in the playoffs, but that may be a tough ask. If Allen continues to ball out, then it’s definitely doable, given how strong Luke is at WR with Puka, Waddle, and Olave. But I have some serious doubts about his RB situation.

Trade Away: Saquon. This may seem like crazy talk, but perhaps his name alone (and potential for a 30+ point game) may be enough to get 2 mid-level RBs - kind of like nuclear fission? Split Saquon into two smaller RBs, right? Or even an RB + TE combo.

Trade For: More depth at RB, or RB + TE.

6. ToInfinityandBijan! (Eric) (5-6) [4]

Eric got production from Bijan and Etienne in Week 11, but the rest of his team decided to stay home, adding to his 4-game losing streak. With Herbert and Ladd on bye this week, and Jacobs possibly missing time with injury, Eric’s matchup against Aaron may not be an easy win. Sure, Eric went hard in the paint for Emanuel Wilson and Darnell Mooney, but will that be enough? I wouldn’t be surprised if his losing streak (and decline in rankings) extended even further this week.

Trade Away: Justin Herbert. Eric could make use of Herbert’s decent start to the season and swap him for some usable points this week against Aaron. Herbert is on bye and there may be a playoff-bound team out there willing to keep Herbert on the bench through the bye with the hope that it will improve their QB play come playoff time. This might seem near-sighted, but if Eric loses this week to Aaron, he’ll be 5-7, and finishing the season playing Andrew and Gabs, he may realistically end the season 6-8 and miss the playoffs.

Trade For: WR upgrade. Mooney was a good pickup with London expected to miss time, but who knows what version of Kirk Cousins will be throwing to Mooney? Starting Jakobi Meyers is shaky business, and Khalil Shakir isn’t any better.

7. 第六 (Abraham) (5-6) [8]

Abraham pulled off an impressive win on the back of George Pickens’s MNF explosion. Drake London may miss time, but with Abraham’s trade for TMac (who looks to be on the upswing, and at least has a steady floor) hopefully his team won’t miss a beat. TBD on whether Jordan Love can continue his rebound enough to replace Mahomes, though. Can Abraham make it to the playoffs? Finishing the season against David, Jeff Chen, and Luke makes me think it’ll be an uphill battle, but if Abraham can finish the season 7-7, I think his high Points For will tip the scales in his favor.

Trade Away: Joe Burrow. There may be a team willing to take the risk on Burrow after he returns. But Abraham may also want to keep Burrow in case Love ends up falling flat.

Trade For: WRs. Abraham added depth to his WRs with TMac, but adding another depth piece wouldn’t be a terrible idea.

8. Lamar You Ready? (Jeff Chen) (5-6) [7]

Jeff Chen’s team finally had a strong week, but unfortunately went up against Haji’s team, Week 11’s #HighScore. It’s quite possible that Jeff ends the season with a .500 record and a chance at making the playoffs, with some winnable games against me, Abraham, and Aaron. Nico and Kittle appear to be back and Egbuka should continue to perform. But the biggest question mark will be Lamar. It’ll be hard for Jeff to go far with Lamar scoring single-digit points. I doubt that will happen with Lamar’s easy rest-of-season schedule, but momentum is not in Jeff’s favor, given his team’s 6-game losing streak.

Trade Away: David Montgomery. There are some RB-needy teams in our league that could use Montgomery as an RB2. Jeff has decided to go 2 TEs for the past 2 weeks, which I feel like isn’t a recipe for success if you don’t have 2 elite TEs. Plus, Jeff already has the backups for Javonte and James Cook on his bench, so insurance policies at RB are in place. I would try to upgrade at Flex and maybe add some WR depth by trading Montgomery away.

Trade For: WR2-3 

9. chinaballa (Andrew) (5-6) [9]

It wasn’t pretty, but Andrew’s team pulled off a win against Laura’s struggling team. He needed the win, because his rest-of-season schedule is Gabs, Eric, and David (the last game will be Maye-less as well). I think it’s safe to say that Andrew has steered clear from Sacko this season, even if he loses the rest of his games this season. However, his chances of making the playoffs is pretty close to zero with that schedule. Losing JK Dobbins doesn’t help, either.

Trade Away: This is hard, because Andrew has pieces he can trade, but they all have functional value now (to try and win) or later (as a keeper). I can’t see him wanting to depart with any of his players willingly unless it was a no-brainer trade for him.

Trade For: Andrew could use an upgrade at TE, and maybe RB2 (although a wait-and-see approach with Woody Marks isn’t a terrible idea either).

10. The IR-Relevant Team (Jeff Lin) (3-8) [10]

TreyVeyon Henderson’s 2nd big game wasn’t enough to get Jeff Lin the win. And with LaPorta on a last-minute unexpected IR designation, Jeff has aptly renamed his team. Unfortunately, injuries have continued to plague Jeff’s team. But the silver lining is that out of all the bottom-dwelling teams in Sacko contention, Jeff probably has the easiest rest-of-season schedule: Laura, Haji, me. His matchup against Laura this week will determine a lot for Sacko contention.

Trade Away: AJ Brown. You might think Brown wouldn’t get much in return given how disappointing he’s been this season, but his name still carries a lot of weight, and his playoff schedule is one of the more favorable ones for a WR. Perhaps a team in playoff contention is willing to give up some pieces to get a potential league-winner come playoff time. You could argue Jeff would get a lot more in return for TreyVeyon, but TreyVeyon is probably in Keeper contention based on how he’s played recently.

Trade For: QB + WR / Flex Combo. For someone like Brown, I’d expect multiple startable pieces to help provide some insurance if Dart or Flacco can’t be at 100% + a decent WR or Flex start.

11. choubacca (Aaron) (2-9) [11]

I’ll admit, I’ve been impressed with what Aaron’s been able to do with such a trash team to start the season. Rico Dowdle, Kareem Hunt, Rachaad White, Sean Tucker, Devin Singletary, Michael Wilson, Christian Watson were all players that stepped up with the opportunity to (and some of them have been stealthily good adds from the waiver). While Aaron’s team is still last in league standings, he just needs a few wins to get him out of Sacko, given his higher Points For relative to other Sacko-contending teams. Aaron ends the season with matchups against Eric, David, and Jeff Chen. No, I wouldn’t put him as the favorite in any of those matchups, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if he pulled out an upset or two. Unfortunately, Rico will be on bye against Jeff Chen, but stranger things have happened.

Trade Away: Garrett Wilson. If Wilson returns Week 15, he may be a valuable asset for a playoff team. At this point, Wilson has minimal value for Aaron, arguably even as a keeper. Might as well get some value out of him.

Trade For: RB for Week 14. With Rico out Week 14 and Aaron’s matchup against Jeff Chen as the most likely one he’ll win, I’d recommend that Aaron find an RB with a favorable Week 14 matchup and go for him.

12. Maybabyboo (Laura) (4-7) [12]

I was hopeful that JJ McCarthy could return with a bang, but it looks like he couldn’t deliver against a supposedly easier matchup against Chicago. Laura’s rest-of-season schedule is also a tough one: Jeff Lin, Gabs, and Haji. Her best chance at winning might be against Jeff Lin this week, and I feel like she needs to make a big trade in order to upgrade some pieces to have a fighting chance.

Trade Away: Justin Jefferson. This might seem dramatic, but with one more win, Laura can steer clear from Sacko. If she could trade away her most valuable asset for 2 or 3 semi-valuable pieces (the bar being pretty low - i.e. players better than Cedric Tillman and JJ McCarthy), I think she at least gives herself a chance to end the season with a win or two. And I doubt Jefferson would be a great keeper candidate for next season, given his already-high draft capital. Another option would be to try and trade Trey Benson to a playoff-bound team in exchange for some usable assets for the remainder of the FF regular season.

Trade For: Week 12, 13 and 14 favorable matchups at all positions. An upgrade at QB, WR, RB, or TE would all help, but she has to make sure they have favorable matchups in the last 3 weeks. RB is probably the least of her concerns, but I would imagine she could get a haul for Jefferson.

Week 10 #PowerRankings - 90s Song Comp Edition!

 

The 90s song comps are back! With the Spotify playlist updated!

1. Terrific (Taylor’s Version) (David) (8-2) [1]

While Gabs’s team got #HighScore in Week 10, David’s team came in 2nd, plus he had solid production from multiple sources instead of one or two players with monster games. And this was without Rashee Rice, too. David’s team has been the most consistent team in our league the past 4 weeks. With a pretty easy remaining schedule, David’s team is primed for Regular Season Champ.

90s Song Comp: Ice Cube - “It Was A Good Day”

“I can't believe, today was a good day”

David’s team has done well this season, with some favorable luck on his side. Just like Ice Cube just had a surprisingly good day where no cops pulled him over, no one died in LA, he schooled everyone in basketball, and maybe some other things, David’s team is having a good season where things just seem to be smooth sailing.

2. Run It Back! (Gabs) (7-3) [2]

Gabs gets the Week 10 #HighScore off the heels of a Week 9 #LowScore, and with Jonathan Taylor on bye in Week 11, I’m afraid his team might struggle. Don’t get me wrong, the rest of Gabs’s team is pretty good, but Gabs isn’t knocking on the door of Regular Season Champ without even half of Jonathan Taylor’s production. The man has been ridiculous - more FF points this season than any other player (including QBs).

90s Song Comp: Will Smith - “Just The Two Of Us”

“Just the two of us, we can make it if we try

Just the two of us

Just the two of us, building castles in the sky

Just the two of us, you and I”

Sure, Will Smith is singing about his son here, but Gabs might as well apply this to Jonathan Taylor. As long as Gabs has JT, many FF castles will be built in the sky.

3. Just Didn’t Catch D’Achane (Haji) (6-4) [3]

Haji had an unfavorable matchup against David this past week, but the road forward looks pretty clear. According to my analysis, Haji’s got the easiest rest-of-season schedule (Jeff Chen, Luke, Jeff Lin, Laura). Assuming everyone stays healthy, Haji’s got the pieces to end the season strong and carry that momentum into the playoffs.

90s Song Comp: SNAP! - “The Power”

“I’ve got the power!”

I’m not sure if there are other words to this song, but this one sentence aptly captures Haji’s position right now. The power = Achane and CMC, who are easily the league’s best RB duo. This power, along with some supplemental boosts from Tyler Warren, Davante Adams, and an easy ROS schedule, will propel Haji’s team to success.

4. ToInfinityandBijan! (Eric) (5-5) [4]

Eric’s team is currently sitting at 6th in league standings (right at the edge of making playoffs), coming off a 3-game losing streak, yet with arguably one of the best RB groups in our league, a top-performing Justin Herbert at QB, and solid depth pieces to boot. I still think Eric’s team is strong, but if they can’t perform consistently, Eric legitimately may miss the playoffs.

90s Song Comp: 4 Non Blondes - “What’s Up?”

“And so I wake in the morning and I step outside

And I take a deep breath and I get real high

And I scream from the top of my lungs

"What's going on?"

And I say, hey-ey-ey

Hey-ey-ey

I said "Hey, a-what's going on?"”

Eric has been asking “What’s going on?” with his team as of late, especially with how the Falcons have been (mis)using Bijan. Hopefully things turn a corner and Eric can shake off his 3-game losing streak.

5. Unicorn QueenZ (Tim) (6-4) [8]

I feel ok about my team, but I would be lying if I said I don’t miss CMC. Also, I know Jayden Daniels got hurt, but I miss him too for some odd reason. Maybe because Jordan Love SUXZ.

90s Song Comp: Lauryn Hill - “Ex-Factor”

“See, no one loves you more than me

And no one ever will”

Not that my team has suffered from the numbers standpoint, but from an emotional standpoint, Lauryn Hill captures how I feel about CMC.

6. Spider Pig (Luke) (6-4) [7]

Luke’s team is sitting at 5th place in league standings, yet is 8th in Points For. His team performed decently, but gained an unimpressive win against Laura’s #LowScore team. With big names like Josh Allen, Saquon Barkley, Puka Nacua, Jaylen Waddle, and Chris Olave, I feel like Luke’s team should be a lot better. 

90s Song Comp: Hansen - “MMMBop”

“Mmmbop, ba duba dop ba

Du bop, ba duba dop ba

Du bop, ba duba dop ba du

Yeah, yeah”

Not gonna lie, “MMMBop” is a catchy song that gets the job done as a pop hit, but definitely lacks substance. I feel the same way about Luke’s team - it has been getting the job done, and has all the makings of a great team, but whether it will sustain long-term relevance is TBD.

7. Lamar You Ready? (Jeff Chen) (5-5) [5]

I’m ready to officially declare it now - Jeff Chen’s team is this season’s biggest FF flop. It seemed like Jeff was unstoppable the 1st 5 weeks. Like, clear path to the championship unstoppable. And since then, it has been absolutely disastrous. Even the return of Lamar hasn’t been enough. A part of me was actually glad to see Jeff succeeding to start the season, and that same part is sad to see his team crashing and burning, but I have to call it like I see it. With a tougher remaining schedule (Haji, me, Abraham, Aaron), I have a hard time seeing him make the playoffs.

90s Song Comp: Smashing Pumpkins - “Bullet with Butterfly Wings”

“Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage

Someone will say, "What is lost can never be saved"

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage”

Jeff has been a good sport taking all of our league’s jabs at him, but I feel like deep inside he must have all this rage pent up in feeling trapped in whatever cage is preventing his FFNUTHANG success, especially after getting a taste of that success to start the season.

8. 第六 (Abraham) (4-6) [6]

Abraham’s team pretty much lost after Thursday Night Football, but even so, his team continues to taper in scoring. Granted, he didn’t have Mahomes or Pickens in Week 10, so hopefully his team can turn it around. However, his rest-of-season schedule isn’t the easiest: Eric, David, Jeff Chen, and Luke. I have serious doubts about him being able to rebound.

90s Song Comp: Wu-Tang Clan - “C.R.E.A.M. (Cash Rules Everything Around Me)”

“Cash Rules Everything Around Me

C.R.E.A.M., get the money

Dollar, dollar bill y'all”

Just like CREAM is about surviving the mean streets of (probably) New York, Abraham will do what he can to survive the mean streets of FFNUTHANG. But at least he’s got a full cache of FAAB dolla dolla billz to dump on the hottest waiver pickup.. hopefully?

9. chinaballa (Andrew) (4-6) [9]

Andrew got the win he needed to stay somewhat playoff-relevant, but I still worry about his RB situation. After a winnable matchup against Laura coming up this week, Andrew will face a pretty tough 3-game stretch to end the season: Gabs, Eric, and David. While not statistically impossible, I think Andrew’s chances of making playoffs is a stretch given the circumstances.

90s Song Comp: Semisonic - “Closing Time”

“Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end”

As previously mentioned, this season may already be lost for Andrew, but at least he’s got some hope for next season. Drake Maye and JSN should be solid keepers, and throw in the possibility of Woody Marks or Oronde Gadsden stepping up before the season ends, and Andrew might have some promising youth to build a new beginning.

10. 大展鸿图 (Jeff Lin) (3-7) [12]

Jeff Lin got a much-needed win in the Battle of the Jeffs in Week 10 to stay safe from Sacko for now. Hopefully Jaxon Dart can recover from his concussion, and TreVeyon Henderson can continue to get enough opportunities to shine. Unfortunately, it’s been too little too late for Jeff, and his focus will continue to be on avoiding Sacko and looking just forward to next season.

90s Song Comp: Boyz II Men - End of the Road

“Although we've come to the end of the road

Still I can't let go

It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you”

Jeff is probably still trying to make his way into the playoffs this season, but if we’re being real, this is the end of the road for Jeff’s 2025 FFNUTHANG season. It does seem unnatural, given how successful he’s been over the past 5 years in our league, but luck just hasn’t been on his side this year.

11. choubacca (Aaron) (2-8) [10]

Rico had a decent game from an FF perspective, but “decent” wasn’t enough to carry Aaron’s team to victory. Now Garrett Wilson is set to miss time, and add to that the fact that Aaron’s rest-of-season schedule is the hardest in our league (Gabs, Eric, David, Jeff Chen), I don’t foresee Aaron winning another game to end the season.

90s Song Comp: Coolio - “Gangsta’s Paradise”

“As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I take a look at my life and realize there's nothin' left”

This is it, I think Aaron’s team is toast and destined for Sacko in the same way Coolio so poetically outlines.

12. Maybabyboo (Laura) (4-6) [11]

Laura’s team is seemingly on a never-ending downward spiral. I’m not sure if there is light at the end of the tunnel, except that she’s built in enough cushion with 4 wins to probably stay out of Sacko. Luck is also on her side with Aaron’s tough schedule outlined above.

90s Song Comp: Wilson Phillips - “Hold On”

“Don't you know, things can change?

Things will go your way

If you hold on for one more day

Can you hold on for one more day?

Things will go your way

Hold on for one more day”

Just hold on, Laura! I think you’ll be ok!