Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Predictions: Week 13

Week 12 Predictions Record: (3-3)
Overall Predictions Record: (41-31)

One more week left of the regular season!  And the post-season fates of 5 teams remain in the balance.  Too much drama to handle.  My heart willith not stop fluttering.


*~*Game Of The Week*~*

I was torn between Abraham v. Duke and this game for the GOTW, but since this game is make-or-break, the stakes are a bit higher.  Plus, I feel like more people in our league would be more interested in following this game than Abraham-Duke.

The Pain Train v. #myteamSUCKS
Before last week, I thought this would be a sure win for Eric.  Now, I'm not so sure.  Lacy has been doing really well as of late, and Gabs has been finding ways to win.  However, his team has been pretty streaky, in spite of it looking better than it did the first half of the season.  Eric's team has been a little more consistent and still looks better on paper.  I'll have to go with my gut on this one.  Eric makes it to the playoffs in spite of his rollercoaster ride in getting there.

Winner: #myteamSUCKS



Remaining Games

Odoyle rules! v. Unicorn Burps
I want to hope I can pull a quick one on David, but I don't think my chances are looking too good.  The way his WRs have been playing, plus the prospect of Arian Foster lighting it up... it'll be too much for my sorry team to handle.  It's only fitting that the final dagger in my fantasy team is thrust into my gut by Tom Butthole and Co.  Yet another season failing to make the playoffs for Odoyle - go figure.

Winner: Unicorn Burps



OUCHsoclose v. Terrific Tortoises
Andrew is now in the business of ruining people's playoff hopes.  Next victim: David Li.  David's making a pretty ballsy move in starting Charles Johnson (Megatron's cousin?) over Sammy Watkins and Percy Harvin, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  And who knows, it could pay off big time - it's a big gamble, but it's not a bad move.  I just think Jamaal Charles is too strongman right now to let Andrew down in his endeavor to dash people's fantasy hopes.

Winner: OUCHsoclose

Tom Butthole


Seenie J v. Chou Chainz
Jeff's got more to play for (regular season championship), and Aaron's late-season run was short-lived, unfortunately.  I've got my moniez on Seenie.

Winner: Seenie J



DeMarco Da Murrier v. Spider Pig
Justina's team has all but lost steam in spite of its star namesake player.  My lame excuse for a team gave her a last breath of hope last week, but Luke's team looks too strong to falter as mine did.  Hey, I didn't know Reggie Bullock plays Kicker for the Houston Texans!  Ball so hard.

Winner: Spider Pig



Charlotte Hornets v. I'm Coming Home.
Abraham's team has shown signs of weakness as of late, and Duke might be able to capitalize big time this week on that.  I'm not off that Josh Gordon horse yet, either.  Duke probably won't get that 1st seed for the playoffs, even with a win, but he'll probably get a little bit closer after his victory this week.

Winner: I'm Coming Home.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Power Rankings: Week 13

You guys don't need my playoff predictor anymore.  There are essentially 5 teams fighting for the last 3 spots, and I have a feeling it will literally go down to the wire.

Here are your scenarios for each team, if I did my calculating correctly:

Terrific Tortoises
Is in the playoffs with:
1. A win.
2. A loss, and a loss from BOTH DeMarco Da Murrier and Odoyle rules! (let's face it, David's team probably won't score 70 more points than mine does.  As much garbage as my team is.).
Is out of the playoffs with:
1. A loss, and a win from EITHER DeMarco Da Murrier or Odoyle rules!

#myteamSUCKS
Is in the playoffs with:
1. A win (Justina's team might score 50 more points than Eric's team, but mine for sure won't score 120 more points.).
2. A loss, and a loss from BOTH DeMarco Da Murrier and Odoyle rules!, also having to score more than 50 points than DeMarco Da Murrier.
Is out of the playoffs with:
1. A loss, and a win from EITHER DeMarco Da Murrier or Odoyle rules!

DeMarco Da Murrier
Is in the playoffs with:
1. A win.
2. A loss, and a loss from Odoyle rules! AND either: (a) a loss from #myteamSUCKS, scoring more than 50 points less than DeMarco Da Murrier or (b) a loss from The Pain Train, scoring less than 20 points more than DeMarco Da Murrier.
Is out of the playoffs with:
1. A loss, and a win from Odoyle rules!

The Pain Train
Is in the playoffs with:
1. A win, and The Pain Train scoring 42 more points than Odoyle rules! IF DeMarco Da Murrier and Odoyle rules! both win.
2. A loss, and a loss from BOTH DeMarco Da Murrier and Odoyle rules! AND scoring 42 more points than Odoyle rules!
Is out of the playoffs with:
1. A win, and BOTH DeMarco Da Murrier and Odoyle rules! win, with Odoyle rules! scoring 42 more points than The Pain Train.
1. A loss, and a win from EITHER DeMarco Da Murrier or Odoyle rules!

Odoyle rules!
Is in the playoffs with:
1. A win, and a loss from EITHER Terrific Tortoises or DeMarco Da Murrier
Is out of the playoffs with:
2. A win, and a win from BOTH Terrific Tortoises and DeMarco Da Murrier
3. A loss.

As you can see, David Li, Eric, and Justina all control their own destinies.  A simple win will secure them a spot in the playoffs.  Gabs and I, on the other hand, will need some other pieces to fall into place in order to keep our post-season hopes alive.  We shall see how it unfolds.  What do I predict?  The last 3 teams in the playoffs will be Eric, Justina, and me.  David Li will fall to Jamaal and Co. because Andrew is ruthless, and I will magically pull an upset over David Lin.  Bribery might be involved in this one.


1. Charlotte Hornets (8-4) [1]

The line separating Abraham's team and Jeff's team is very thin and fragile, and is being closely vultured by the Unicorns.  Abraham will retain his #1 spot in my rankings simply because he didn't have his superstar player Antonio Brown this week, so his team has a good excuse.


2. Seenie J (8-4) [2]

I look at Jeff's team, and I'm impressed by the record, but am wondering how he pulls off some of his wins.  Justin Forsett with 31 points??  Is he really going to be that good moving forward?  Maybe.  Sure, he has other pieces to go deep in the playoffs (Luck, Maclin, Forte), but he got majorly bailed out this week, in my opinion.


3. Unicorn Burps (8-4) [3]

You're welcome, David.  For OBJ.  If Arian Foster recovers and can pull out a few more decent games, David might just be a favorite to win it all this year.  But since this week is inconsequential to him making the playoffs, he might as well rest his players.  PLZ??


4. I'm Coming Home. (8-4) [4]

That Josh Gordon tho.  Already $5 well-spent.


5. Spider Pig (7-5) [6]

Solid statement win.  Peyton just has to play in warm conditions and Luke's team could be scary.  Once playoffs start, Peyton has favorable conditions for the first two games - so watch out!  I'm not sure Shady can keep this up, though.  See, we shall.


6. #myteamSUCKS (5-7) [5]

In spite of a loss (and an OUCHsoclose one), Eric's team put up respectable numbers.  Not from expected sources (Buffalo Defense with 7 sacks??), but still respectable.  He's got good players (Rodgers, Emmanuel Sanders, Jordy, Martellus) He just needs to beat Gabs's team to extend his season, and a week ago, that would have sounded easy.  After this week, though, Eric could be in for some trubble.


7. DeMarco Da Murrier (5-7) [7]

gg you deserved a win, finally.  All my smack talk back fired, and you were the worthy beneficiary of it.  We cool now right?


8. The Pain Train (5-7) [10]

Wowowow.  Breezy, Lacy, and Co. helping Gabs make a strong push to finish the season.  Didn't I say a few weeks back that Gabs might be the dark horse to capture that 8th spot in the playoffs?  If not, maybe I just said it in my head.  But it's looking promising after this week!


9. Odoyle rules! (5-7) [9]

True story - Sunday morning at 9:55 AM Pacific Time (12:55 PM Eastern), I was like OH CRAP JORDAN REED IS OUT I HAVE TO FIND A TE.  So I pick up Tim Wright.  Good decision.  And then I'm like EHHHH Tannehill v. Denver or Cutler v. TB?  SURELY go with the favorable matchup, right?  RIGHT??  Freaking.... bad decision.  That moment you regret starting Jay Cutler.  Ever.  For life.


10. Chou Chainz (4-8) [11]

It was a valiant effort, but Aaron just caught Gabs on the wrong week.  Aaron's kind-of managing skills helped him stay in it for just a little bit longer.  Not going to lie, though - Yahoo! autodraft in an auction straight SUCKS.  Lesson learned.


11. OUCHsoclose (3-9) [12]

Ok that was kind of very hilarious.  I love all this smack talking.  Andrew, where was your team all season long???


12. Terrific Tortoises (6-6) [8]

I'm going to stop kidding myself that David Li actually can pull together a late-season run.  Sure, his record is decent, but ever since Week 4, he's only scored in the top half of the league ONCE.  He's been the lowest-scoring team THREE times, the second-lowest scoring team ONCE, and the third-lowest scoring team TWICE.  With the lowest score in the "points-for" category, I think it's safe to put the Tortoises at the bottom, in spite of what their record may show.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Monday Lulz

You want Monday Lulz?  This is what you get from me and my boy Marshawn:

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Predictions: Week 12

Week 11 Predictions Record: (5-1)
Overall Predictions Record: (38-28)

Hey I think I'm getting the hang of this predicting thing!  And then watch me get everything wrong this week.  Is anyone even affected by this Thursday night game between KC and Oakland?  Besides Jamaal Charles / Andrew, who even doesn't care anymore?  I don't think I could even name 3 players on Oakland's team, to be honest.  Let's see.. Darren McFadden... James Jones... and... that's all I got.


*~*Game Of The Week*~*

Both teams have made the playoffs, but these two heavyweights will battle it out for playoff position this week.  A win would put Duke in much better position to surprisingly grab the #1 spot, but a loss could send Duke into the final week at 4th, only to face Abraham, which could knock him down as far as 6th.  Jeff could also find his way up to #1 with a win, but a loss could be even more potentially devastating - possibly pushing him down to 6th by this time next week.  We shall see.

Seenie J v. I'm Coming Home.
I'm still not sure what to think of Josh Gordon, but I'm going to stay away from the bold prediction for now and say that Gordon won't blow anyone's socks off in his season debut.  He could easily prove me wrong, though.  With that said, I'm still liking Jeff to rebound from last week's loss, especially with Luck against an easy defense.

Winner: Seenie J



Remaining Games

Odoyle rules! v. DeMarco Da Murrier
Let's make a deal, Justina.  I'll start Justin Reed if you start Greg Olsen.  Deal.  This is a must-win game for Justina to stay relevant in the playoff picture.  It's an important win for my team as well, but I could still conceivably make the playoffs even with a loss, just like the Panthers could still conceivably make the playoffs with a 5-10-1 record.  Ridiculous.  Justina needs it worse than I do, so I'm going to guess she wins it out of sheer will.  Or lose it, out of a sheer lack thereof.

Winner: DeMarco Da Murrier



Unicorn Burps v. Terrific Tortoises
David Li's WRs are not as scary without Kelvin Benjamin, and David Lin's QB (Brady) will likely show up David Li's (McCown).  It might just come down to how the RB situation plays out - Arian Foster is Questionable, but so is Gio - who will end up scoring more points?  I'm liking David Lin's chances in this one.

Winner: Unicorn Burps



jaMAULing time v. #myteamSUCKS
What can I say?  Eric's team is rollin'!

Winner: #myteamSUCKS



The Pain Train v. Chou Chainz
Both teams are still fighting for a glimmer of hope to make the playoffs, although their chances are slimming by the minute.  Lacy will probably continue to give Gabs a ton of points, but I'm not sure it'll be enough against Aaron and his duo of opportunistic backup RBs.  For the second time in a row, I'm actually liking Aaron's chances in this one.  Surprise, surprise.

Winner: Chou Chainz



Charlotte Hornets v. Spider Pig
Luke's team has fallen into a rut, and I'm not convinced this will be the week he pulls out of it.  Even without Antonio Brown, Abraham's got enough firepower at WR to give Luke another L.

Winner: Charlotte Hornets

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Power Rankings: Week 12

I had to adjust the playoff predictor a little to account for the fact that Aaron still might actually have a chance to make it.  Here are the new and improved numbers:
These last two weeks are going to be cray.


1. Charlotte Hornets (8-3) [2]

Abraham proved this week that his team deserves to be at the top.  His WRs are just so ridiculous.  Granted, Mike Evans won't do that every week.  But Antonio Brown, Randall Cobb, and Alshon could all blow up at any given week.  Weak RBs has been his story the whole season, and it's gotten him a 8-3 record.  So whatever works, I guess.


2. Seenie J (7-4) [1]

Not a terrible showing this week, but he was just out-powered by Abraham and Mike Evans.  Jeff still has a relatively solid team, so I wouldn't be too worried if I were him.


3. Unicorn Burps (7-4) [3]

David just happened to be in the path of Eric's fantasy bulldozer, unfortunately.  He got what he wanted out of his blockbuster trade with Luke - a solid TE - but Gates has to score more than 3.2 points to pay dividends for David.  And with a big question mark around Arian Foster's health, David's team could be on the brink of a free fall.  At least he's got some good WRs to give him some cushion and AppleJuice Green is looking good again.


4. I'm Coming Home. (8-3) [5]

Josh Gordon could be a game-changer.  But even if he isn't, Duke's team is still winning games, which has put them in a good position to make a deep playoff run.


5. #myteamSUCKS (5-6) [7]

Eric is beasting it.  3 of the last 4 weeks has found his team scoring the 1st or 2nd most points in the league.  Aaron Rodgers + Jordy Nelson is paying off big time, and that Emmanuel Sanders acquisition is looking better every week.  He's even finding serviceable RBs to do some patch work.  With one of the easier remaining 2 games (Andrew, Gabs), he's primed for a late-season run, maybe even for the championship, at this rate.


6. Spider Pig (6-5) [4]

Not even the great Peyton could save Luke's team.  For the second week in a row, his team scores the fewest points in the league.  The good news is, the last time his team did this poorly this season, he bounced back with an impressive 3-game winning streak.  He's hoping history will repeat itself.  He's got the pieces to make it work.  It just has to work.  Soon.  I think the only thing that will keep him from the playoffs is the last week, when he plays this next team...


7. DeMarco Da Murrier (4-7) [6]

It was a week of terrible luck for Justina.  DeMarco is on bye, she's playing David Li, and she loses by 0.30 points.  I don't think all hope is lost.  I think her team is still good enough to make it into the playoffs.  I think.


8. Terrific Tortoises (6-5) [9]

David squeaks out another win to put him in good position for the playoffs.  But the win wasn't impressive, so I won't bump his team above Justina's.  Since he's playing Andrew's team to finish the season, I think he'll waltz into the playoffs with a 7-6 record.  By then, Gio should hopefully be back, and he could potentially pull out a surprise victory or two.


9. Odoyle rules! (5-6) [10]

My team just has to play me like this.  Otherwise it wouldn't be fun, right?  I've conceded to the fact that if I make the playoffs, I'll get eliminated in the first round.  But I just want to be in the top 8 so badly.  Fingers crossed.


10. The Pain Train (4-7) [8]

So much potential.  Julius going down was a dagger that might have ended Gabs's season.  He's up against Aaron and Eric's teams to finish the season, and both teams still have something to prove.  It'll be a tough 2 weeks for Gabs.


11. Chou Chainz (4-7) [12]

Even if he can beat Gabs next week and bribes Jeff into fixing that last game, Aaron's chances of making the playoffs are way too slim.  He hasn't accumulated enough Points For to beat all the other contenders.  It was fun using your team as my fantasy punching bag this year, Aaron.


12. jaMAULing time (2-9) [11]

Oh, Jamaal.  Too late, too late.

TFW


Monday, November 17, 2014

Monday Lulz

  • Shaun Suisham scoring 16 points more than Le'Veon Bell?  Let's see... who looks like they would score more fantasy points?


    Yeah, I thought so.  LEGGO #OdoyleVictory!!!!  #Odoyle'sRoadToThePlayoffs  #PlayoffsOrBust
  • At least Peyton Manning scored more points for Luke than Matt Ryan would have... by 0.34 points!  #LULZ  And to think how much worse Luke's team would have done without the trade.  Ok, maybe only 8 points worse, but still.  That's like 47 points pending his kicker's points.
  • Did David Li really beat Justina by 0.30 points???  Does Justina even know this happened???  Wait, did Green Bay Defense really score 30 points for Justina???????  What is even going on.
  • Eric wisely picked up a kicker for MNF before David Lin could troll.  Again.  It could be for the win.  Or... Tennessee could conceivably not score any points.  Or... even worse, only one TD, and Succop gets 1 point, and David still wins... by 0.04 points.  That would be #TuesdayLulz for sure.  Someone should call Eric after MNF to make sure he doesn't hurt himself if that happens.
  • And it looks like Eric beat Andrew out for an MNF kicker.  That, or Andrew just doesn't care anymore.

    Yeah, he probably doesn't care anymore.
  • I'm not sure what Gabs is hoping for this MNF.  Martavis Bryant doing well requires Roethlisberger to do well.  Granted, Bryant will get more points for receiving yards vs. Big Ben's passing yards, but I'm almost thinking I'd hope for Pittsburgh to implode and do terribly as a team if I were Gabs.  Personally, I'm hoping Big Ben throws to everyone BUT Martavis.  One less team for me to worry about.  #Odoyle'sRoadToThePlayoffs  #PlayoffsOrBust
  • Jeff has a 12% chance of beating Abraham??  I will never get Yahoo! predictions.  Ever.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Predictions: Week 11

Week 10 Predictions Record: (5-1)
Overall Predictions Record: (33-27)

I got one of the two upsets right!  So this is what it feels like to win at something...


*~*Game Of The Week*~*

In what could very well be a preview of the championship game, this week's GOTW pits two heavyweights against each other in a regular season battle for first place in the league.

Seenie J v. Charlotte Hornets
IMO, this game boils down to: can Andrew Luck + Jeff's RBs oust Abraham's WRs?  I think Abraham will pull out this win in this one, even with some favorable matchups for Jeff (Luck v. NE as a shootout, Forte v. Minnesota).  It should be a fun one to follow, though.

Winner: Charlotte Hornets



Remaining Games

Odoyle rules! v. Spider Pig
I've all but given up.  That should tell you enough, right?

Winner: Spider Pig



DeMarco Da Murrier v. Terrific Tortoises
I am under the impression that Justina has all but given up as well.  I mean, if I were them, I would be down for fixing this game as well.  Might as well have one of the two of them in the playoffs vs. the possibility of none of them in the playoffs, right?

Winner: Terrific Tortoises



Unicorn Burps v. #myteamSUCKS
It worked last week, so I'm calling it now - Eric's had a pretty beastly 4 of the last 5 weeks, and has even out-performed David Lin's team 4 of the last 5 weeks.  Eric's team seems to be on a roll, so #UpsetCity, here Eric comes!  ...even though he's starting Bryce Brown lulz.  At least it's not Boobie Dixon doublelulz.  Who names their kid Boobie?

Winner: #myteamSUCKS



jaMAULing time v. Chou Chainz
So much for Aaron trying to make a late-season run with Peyton and Co.  That veto sucks, doesn't it?  Regardless, he might still get a little run going back up this week, since it looks like Andrew has left the building.

Winner: Chou Chainz



The Pain Train v. I'm Coming Home.
Gabs is coming off a high week 10 performance, but I don't think his momentum will be enough to overcome Duke's strong squad.  Still putting that warning out there - watch out for Duke's team once Josh Gordon takes the field.

Winner: I'm Coming Home